Hanky Code Ramblings

So, in the past few weeks there were ramblings on the Badgrrls list about the hanky code. Yes, I am on Badgrrls (Aus) and Badgirls (PDX), it amuses me. Anyway, I did a ramble, so I wanted to share it. Feedback welcome, it was just my ramble.Heya,I know, this subject came and went a few weks back- but I've just gotten over a serious lung infection and am just now reading list emails again- please forgive me :)So, a few notes-I know one of the reasons the idea of folks "earning their hankies" came up recently was that at one of my classes in Sydney, Preston earned his. He came to me and asked to re-earn his leathers, and as part of that, his black hankie.Soooo, what is it with Hankies?In the states, the hanky system was developed in the gay men's bar scene as a quick way to cruise. You want blow jobs- you look for the guy with light blue hankie, you buy him a beer. Simple system, built for people looking not for long lasting play relationships, but the men's communities prediliction, especially pre-aids, for one night or one hour or even one minute encounters.The hanky code was picked up later on by the BDSM community and the Lesbian Community (it was great when Tristan announced the Mint Green Hankie at Pacific Friction a few years back to a packed room of Mommy players), and modified, and codified, but there has never been an agreement about, like leathers, whether they should be earned or not. The question is NOT about a community standard or median of acceptablity to be able to flag. Its about, honestly, what's right for you. For some people, the idea of earning something gives it more value. For others, its just about picking up dates.However, a note about F's recommendation to C about flagging Orange. Um... I wouldn't reccomend it. Orange means anything, anytime, anyplace. Last I checked C was not a public enema player for example, and flagging orange, well, implys that. My favorite orange hankie story was in SF as my friend Angel was walking down Folsom street. He saw two men each crossing the street at an intersection, each flagging orange. They saw each other, scouted for 5 seconds, then one dropped to his knees and started sucking the other's cock in the middle of the intersection.I do flag orange from time to time, but rarely. I do personally ID as anytime, anyplace, anything- but NOT anyone.One system used by MOB, the lesbian SM group in Boston, was colored beads on strings, or patchwork hankies, at an event. I've also seen people color flag with their wardrobe- FifthAngel wears Hakama (japanese martial arts trousers) with purplepiping as he is well known for blood sports. I've seen hyper-femmes in the states not flag with hankies or keys, but with fabulous colored pearls hanging off their leather coat, or more jewellery on one side than the other.The challenge with wearing hankies, is that people will often assume you mean whatever you say- so if you flag heavy SM bottom, do you really mean it? Do you flag chubby chaser? Then don't be offended when descended upon by fabulouslyfleshy people. And yes, people DO flag athlete fan (I've seen men at uniform events flag with sports jersey material in their back pocket of a color they like rather than hanky material to reflect that). I myself often flag with a caribeener for suspension bondage top, or grey, or purple, or black, or yellow, or puppy print pattern, or... all depends on my mood. As a switch I will go out some nights flagging one way, and other nights, others, depending on what action I am seeking.This is why, even though I ID as a Mommy, I never flag mint green. I am not *looking* for a little boy or girl.I know that there are also people (my lover Scout for example) who are so longing to constantly express their interests that they will change hankies every hour at a party and pack 20 in their backpack just so they are prepared. He often flags with an original boyscout hankie, yellow with the boy scout logo, to say "hi, I like to pee on uniform fetishists". It works for him.You can flag with all kinds of things. I have flagged with brass knuckles. I have flagged with a visiable knife. In reality we flag all the time with what we wear- are you in uniform or dressed in corsets? What does your wardrobe sayabout your desire?In reality, these are all just tools for flirting. Some people take flirting *far* more serious than others. Some also use tools of flirting as a way to structure their lives. So be it.I myself was deeply touched when asked to help Preston earn his black hankie. And he did- bruises, fear, and psychological torture in a public venue worked for him and for me as a way to honor his desire to learn, push himself, and feel worthy inside and out of being a heavy SM player. He already had it, but sometimes in life the formality and acknowledgement from either a community or a loved one can mean much more than simple self-acknowledgement.Thanks for putting up with the rambling :)Kisses,Bridgett Harrington (already planning my trip back down under, November 12-Dec 16 is the rough plan)