Rope Interview

A senior-level sociology student contacted me as part of their project on body awareness, body movement, and body politics. They selected rope bondage "because I feel that the embodied experience of BDSM play is often misunderstood by non-practitioners. I would like to further the understanding of how bodies are used in BDSM play and how BDSM players understand and think about their own physical experience throughout a rope bondage scene."They said that all personal infomation would be confidential, but I see no reason for it, and am posting the interview here as I am foregoing my right to privacy in the case of this interview:1. How did you first become interested in rope bondage specifically? What led you to try it for the first time? (or BDSM in general) How old were you?I first tied myself up at the age of 6 or 7. I had a habit of running away as a child, wanting to run from a home that didn’t feed my soul, and when my mother asked me to stop doing so, I began binding myself to sleep at night. Around the same age I started exploring my body sensually, and ended up developing an association between sexuality and bondage.2. Before you became personally involved in rope bondage, what did you think of it? (or BDSM in general)I have no memory of a life where I did not use restraint as a tool in my erotic toybag. I do recall at the age of 7 or 8 reading a porn story in my father’s magazine collection about someone into bondage, and recall thinking that when I grow up, I wanted friends like she had who would make her fantasies and joys come into the existence.3. What was your first experience with rope bondage like? Describe what the scene was like, and how you felt before, during and after. Did it change preconceptions about bondage?Again, this does not apply to my situation. However, my first partnered sexual bondage experience (I do not count tying other kids up on the playground) at the age of 14 was with a boy I was dating at the time- handcuffs, not rope, but it was such a primal and physically intoxicating experience that it re-enforced my interest in erotic restraint. At the age of 15 I started studying rope bondage formally when I got involved in the public kink community (under a fake ID), and recall it being empowering, tactilely satisfying, and very sensual.4. Why did you decide to continue participating in bondage after that first scene?Does not apply?5. René Descartes talks about a concept called the “mind/body split”. According to Descartes the mind and the body are entirely separate and, in fact, the mind can exist without the confines of body. Much of the literature on BDSM play discusses an “out of body” experience related to certain types of scenes.Have you ever experienced what you would define as an “out of body” experience during a scene? Or, did you reach an altered state of consciousness that you would define in a different way? (Describe)Absolutely. I will be attaching a copy of my article that appears in “Dark Moon Rising” here. I do quite a lot of astral journeying work, and have used bondage of many sorts as a tool for this kind of working. I have also experience rope highs, rope drops, bondage as an altered state in the way of bringing one hyper-now, and others. I think it might be easier to tailor this question to me after reading the article?6. What do you think about bondage and sexuality? They are often described together. How does sexuality play itself out in your bondage experiences?Bondage, I have found, gives many individuals “permission” to enjoy, let go, scream, struggle, moan, or in general have it be acceptable to be fully engaged in the moment without fear if it is “ok.” Of course it is, you have “no choice,” thus almost anything can become acceptable.7. Kraft-Ebbing, Jung, Freud, and others have labeled BDSM as pathological behavior. What do you think about the criminalizing of BDSM play?There is a difficulty with this in that the public kink community’s use of the word Sadist and the clinical therapy use of the word Sadist are not in fact the same. The large bulk of the kinky sex community has no interest in actual sadism, actually making another person truly suffer- it is the rare exception. Most “sadists” in the Scene tend to have an interest in making their partner experience extreme sensation and be challenged with that sensation, but the use of tools such as safewords show us that clinical sadism is not in fact at play. The reason that this is an issue is that the criminalization of BDSM play is based off a mis-use of language- Sadistic behavior is outlawed for a reason. Most clinical Sadists have few healthy outlets for their desires, and thus actually hurt people in non-consensual, harmful, and even deadly ways. Thus, the criminalization of most BDSM activities are in fact, in my opinion, aimed at their core at the belief that kinky sex practitioners are in fact clinical Sadists, which in most cases is not true.There is far more to the issue than this, but it is my pet peeve when folks such as Freud et al are addressed- a mis-match of language. See also term breaks between clinical and community usage such as Fetishism (which are in fact usually partialsms when referred to by kinksters, not debilitating paraphilia), Masochism, Perversion, and others.8. Tell me about what the term SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual) means to you. What is “after-care”/how has this been seen in your individual experience?http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/History/ssc.htmhttp://www.leatherleadership.org/library/safesanestein.htmTo me, Safe Sane and Consensual, as well as Risk Aware Consensual Kink, are both easy catch phrases with no real meaning, taken out of their historical context and packaged for mass market audiences to prove to the world at large that “we are just like everyone else.” RACK was originally an online joke. SSC was part of a huge statement of intent by a gay mens group. I personally believe life itself is unsafe, sanity is subjective (and by clinical definition in many circles BDSM is by definition insane), and consensuality is a slippery thing when gags, endorphins, and fantasy are engaged.As for aftercare, I first do not understand how this is a sub-question. Secondly, aftercare is in my mind anything that takes place after an intense experience between two or more consenting adults, and thus there is aftercare after business planning, in rock climbing, and sweaty struggling sex. For some people this is being held. For others it is being left alone to process. For others it involves in depth conversations. Every human is different in their needs in truly coming back to consensual reality from an extreme experience. Why should this be any different for sexual exchanges?My own experience with aftercare has been all over the place. I have needed to be held. I have not gotten it, and I have gotten in, based on my skill to articulate my needs, and my partners ability to hear my requests when they were given physically, verbally, or through other forms of expressing need. I have needed to cry, to laugh, to get fucked. I have sat alone. I gave gone out for a run. I have needed 3 years later to talk about the experience with the people involved. Like all things in life, my needs for aftercare have varied because the activities and experiences that were experienced varied, and I as a human varied in my experience of those things based on what else was happening in my life (an intense bondage scene after a hard day at work and the death of a friend is likely to have different aftercare needs than an intense bondage scene during the middle of a relaxing vacation for example.)9. I am studying bondage in relation to physical pleasure. What does pleasure mean to you? Is bondage pleasurable? How so?Pleasure- what an open ended term. There is pleasure watching a rainbow. There is pleasure in an earth-shattering orgasm that has the mattress soaked with sweat and cum and my eyes unable to process light properly for an hour or more. Pleasure is a very wide term in English, and yes, bondage can be pleasurable. It can be aesthetically pleasurable, as I enjoy how my partner looks in my rope or how I look in a mirror or the mirror of my lovers eyes. It can be sensually pleasurable feeling rope pulled over my flesh. I can find pleasure sexually as ropes are pulled over my erogenous zones, or as I get light headed from the pressure around my rib cage cutting off some of my oxygen intake. Pleasure can come from meditation, and I have enjoyed meditation in the confines of my rope, exploring the confines of my own spirit. I find pleasure in overcoming taxing ordeals, living and proving I am stronger than I thought I could be.10. Has rope bondage changed the way you perceive bodies (your own, as well as other people’s)? What has bondage taught you about your own body?Rope bondage is yet another tool I have used to come to perceive bodies. How they move, stretch, push, twist and turn. How they breathe, sweat, and contort. How they go slack, go taunt, or change with age, illness or stress. Absolutely.11. Another common basis for misunderstanding of BDSM play is the concept of sadism/masochism. Many people do not understand wishing to inflict pain/have pain inflicted upon them. What are your thoughts on pain during bondage play? Does pain within a scene have different meaning from pain outside of a scene? What is the difference between pain and pleasure?Pain is another word for intense sensation. There can be good pain (the runner’s high, the way you feel after a long workout), bad pain (a twisted ankle, dropping a hammer on your foot)- both are pain… and I have met very few humans who get turned on by “bad pain” or negative intense sensation. Even if they are in a scene of some sort. I think pain can be a useful tool for experiencing ordeal, for ramping up endorphins to enjoy the natural drug cocktail of the brain, for pushing ourselves to a new height, or is something that can be ignored in exchange for getting a positive stimulus.12. What is important to you in a rope bondage scene? What do you like a scene to look like? To feel like? How do you use your senses (sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell) during a scene)?My obsession is passion. If the people involved are not passionate about what they are doing, I am bored. Thus, these questions of details are not of key importance to me.13. What do you think about public versus private play?Each has its pros and cons. Public play allows for exhibitionism and voyeurism, the safety of your peers to help in a crisis, challenge to try new things or excel in showmanship (on either side of the rope), access to great equipment, access to mental resources for those learning, the “vibe” of playing around others, the ability to be inspired by those around you, and more. Private play allows for intimacy without distraction, less concern about clock-watching, no concern around the approval for your peers, and the ability to change the details of the scene (like music or smells in the room) at your own whim. I think both have their drawbacks and their own positive reasons- thus I enjoy doing both.14. Has bondage affected your daily life? If so how?I am a full time human sexuality and spirituality educator and artist who travels internationally teaching. I began teaching while I was a professional bondage model, and have written books on rope bondage. So yes, I would say bondage has affected my life.15. What words of wisdom would you like a classroom of college students who know very little about BDSM or bondage to come away with?Each human is responsible for their own erotic authenticity- for some that comes in the shape of a single partner and children. For others it comes in the form of multiple partners who you see at a sex club. For some it is cuddle parties. For others being bound in ropes and laughing your head off. For some it is whips and chains. For some it is serial monogamy with one boyfriend or girlfriend after another. What is your erotic authenticity? Are you authentic in your own desires? Do you actually voice them, live them, love fully? If not, if there is any shadow upon your own life, then start the debate there- not with whether it is right for those who are striving towards their own authenticity to use tools you may not yourself enjoy. Or hell, who knows, you might enjoy- its amazing that 80% of Dear Abbey’s readership back in the early 90s said they had explored using erotic restraint in their sex life- maybe you are one of that amazing audience.