Numb

I just finished watching "Numb."Matthew Perry plays a guy with Depersonalization Disorder. It's a romantic comedy.I have days. Hell, sometimes I have months. I'm not always the shiniest cookie in the box. And there are moments when I loose my shit. On mi padre's side of the family, at least half of the population has been medicated throughout their life for some form of major mental illness or disorder.I've chosen, for now, to be unmedicated for my challenges. I have been in the past, and the flatness made life intolerable in the long run.I've also dated people over the years who have mental, emotional and social challenges of different sorts. In some ways, I end up feeling more normal when I do. Being the only one of a pair who does left of center makes me feel like a freak. And even if I am, sometimes it's nice to have company off the edge.Today I'm actually really good. Hell, given the stuff that has come up in the past 2 months, I would expect myself to have not been. But I have gone through life with the brain chemistry and whatnot that I have, and I keep going, keep learning new skills. And as of late, being differently wired has been a blessing rather than a curse as I have thought it for moments over the years.But watching Numb- I got it. It's not my journey, DpD, but I got it. It's not your normal comedy as it were, and that's good in this case. Watching the female lead, I had empathy with those who have dated me during turbulent times over the years, and for myself in the storms in the wiring of those I have loved."Even if you lost all your limbs I would still love you, though I hope that doesn't happen because you have lovely limbs"I don't like the term mental illness. It infers that someone is sick, all the time. Mind you, I dislike the term transitioning for the same reason... it infers I am in the middle, and not just that, I'm in the middle forever. All of us are changing, crowing, transitioning all the time- not just those of us on gender journeys.I'm wired a bit different. And I am blessed to have humans in my life who have given me space, or provided cover, or provided space for me to have those wires, well, go haywire from time to time. I'm not insane, I just have a different set of lenses at times... and they are a gift as well. I get to step out of me, see things from the side, come back with intelligence reports. Sideways wiring that allows for easier astral journeying too- a gift of sorts from the Gods.So thank you to all who have seen me sideways. Or seen me numb. Or seen other than what sits here before you now. Thank you to all of you who live, work, laugh or dance with those of us who are wired a bit differently. By leaving space for us to be, not forcing us down a single mold, you leave the world a more colorful place, a more healed place. Thank you for all you offer and do for us.Thank you now, because sometimes in the storms, we with different wiring forget to say it.