Notes about Sydney

On Sunday after Inquisition, there had been a plan- take a nap, get up at noon, go get my ink done, then head to Sydney University for a photo shoot. Plans change. As all the post-Inqui kids all curled up in the sun beam at Lion's Den, we fell asleep in each others arms as the sun rose higher and higher into the sky. Conversations lasted into the early afternoon, intersperced with more naps in the sun surrounded by inhalers and gargoyles. By the time we finally headed over to Skin Deep, it was too late to also get in the shoot (plus there was no slot early enough) at Sydney U and I had to cancel the shoot in exchange for getting my ink done, and Preston's ink as well. Matto there was really good, even if it took me about 15 minutes to talk him into doing ink out from under the teeshirt line on someone under the age of 30.I have two bear paw prints, one behind each ear/on my upper neck, about 4cmx3cm each. When he asked me about placement, I explained to him... "imagine if there was a bear standing behind me. She puts one paw on each side of my head and proceeds to dig in her claws and pummel my head down into this table." Ok, it is much funnier with my body motions to go with it. I got my work done with my head down on the padded table, slight drool coming out of my mouth as the vibrating needle left its mark on me. It wasn't bad except for when it hit the back of my jaw line on the claw tips behind my ear, but beyond that was very zone zen.Its funny, I'm getting days confused now. So the rest will be out of order, random passing thoughts as she tears through me, leaves me whole...Ultra with her gifts from Hellfire, long chats at Gellatomassi over hot tea as I cough up a lung.Doctors notes saying I should not leave the country.Ms_Victoria insisting I cancel one of my classes and go to the doc instead.I promise echoing out of his mouth, his sweet mouth.Tasty last dinner at Dv8HouseSquaring up for the tour and the lessons learned.Tying to ghetto wrap art.Not killing the man at the punk shop.Suds in the shower and sins shown open wide, fears shown open wide.Don't go.Realizations that I can not run, can not keep falling into these same ruts, same patterns.Frozen moments of truth in the rain.Tears.Gifts ten years past, 10 years mine, 10 years theirs.Ripped apart inside and outLost time found timeHaving my passport walk away from me at the airport and having to barely catch my plane after tracking it down.Making plans...It is so amazing for me to have potential plans again. I have been living year to year since university and the end of my relationship with Marcus, waffling, unsure where to go. For the first time in ages I'm more than passionate about a potential direction my life could go- now the question is to see if it really is an option for me, those in my life, etc. I am so grateful that I have much of this coming week (until the 7th) off to work on stuff inside and outside.Some realizations-I need to face a lot of my own bullshitI need to not run from my own desrires and needsI do in fact know a lot about myself if I actually listenI want to purge a lot of physical, mental and emotional chaff from my life (excpect announcements on me selling stuff over the summer)I need to focus my professional and personal energy more than I do currently. Much more.I did not sleep on the flight to Chicago. It was pure drama. The world had told me so many times not to leave the country (doctors notes, pnemonia back in my lungs, passport drama, inability to change flights, airport drama, being asked not to leave, doors closing in front of me after I ran to the gate), but I'd gotten on the flight anyway. 30 minutes into the flight the overhead voice tells us all in very strong words to sit down now, and the extreme turbulance shook and dropped the plane. I was white knuckled, a heavy gold ring digging into the flesh on my index finger, as I prayed to not let him loose someone else to a plane... fuck. I kept muttering that I should have listened, fuck.I was awake for 13 hours of flight to Los Angeles, watched too many movies:MUST SEE- The Matador! especially Preston, a MUST see. Pierce Brosnan as a hit man hit rock bottom, hot damn.However, not on the hit parade was the 45 minute special on Australias cheese making traditions.In LA I convinced Jimmi at Delta to get me on an earlier flight- Salt Lake to Chicago. In SLC they annonced a delay then had us board as normal anyway. When we hit Chicago the lighting was flashing on all sides, black inky clouds wrapped around us like tentacles with white flashes ripping them apart and they rerouted us to St. Louis for extra fuel. I landed finally at 1am with my bags in tow into Greydancer's arms and a lot of releif, then got to the Purple hotel to find Scout and Monk sitting in the lobby.I've decided I have to go back to Oz in November. Details will firm up in the next two months, but it will happen.