FTM CBT
On Friday August 20th, Blaise and I debuted a new class, one that had been designed by the amazing Wintersong Tashlin. The event was The Floating World in New Jersey, and the class was "FTM CBT: Genital Torment for Queer Bodies."The idea was simple enough. Wintersong was talking with Corey Alexander at Dark Odyssey Winter Fire 6 months earlier about the fact that he was a cisgendered guy, but played with a lot of transguys. He was frustrated by the lack of classes on what to do with his lovers, when Corey suggested that he teach a class on the topic. "You must be kidding, right," Wintersong responded. He feared the backlash that would happen if a male born male (not how he identifies, as a note, but how he is often seen) did a class on the female to male experience in any way. At this point Blaise and I bounded up- we'll be your demo bottoms! We'll co-teach it with you! An idea was born, because now at least, if what we did wasn't like, the 3 of us as friends would share the blame.Unfortunately, Wintersong was under the weather when the class debuted. After the class Blaise and I curled up under a tree and cried, missing him. But, with permission from both Blaise and Wintersong, I am cross-posting the class here.Why? Because Blasie and I realized that there is a lack of access to this information at large. They we do activism just by having information available. And if folks don't like what we teach, saying it does not reflect their experience- we challenge YOU to go out and teach too. The more voices, the better. This class, this entry, its not the end of the discussion: we want it to be the beginning of a tidal wave of trans people of all shapes and sizes and orientations and genders getting the sex lives they want.And our sex lives happen to involve enjoying CBT.We hope that this gets discussions going on what YOU like. This is what we are into or have had partners who are into this stuff. It does not and should not apply for everyone. We are all each beautiful and distinct little erotic snowflakes.
The Class itself:
Who We Are: Blaise and I introduced ourselves and sat up front of a room of about 30+ transfolk, their partners, lovers, friends, and curious humans.How Wintersong came up with the class idea, proposed it to Lee and Blaise who jumped in with abandonPoints of the class:- We don’t see it discussed, which makes us want to discuss it- Accessibility to anatomy (we dropped our drawers in the class, so folks could check out a bit of trans genitalia... we do not in any way represent all FtM genitals, and said so loudly and clearly, but 2 is a start- we want to do a class now called "drop your drawers" where folks come in and take off their pants and we all share stories about what our genitals like, don't like, etc)- Chances for folks to know how to play with us- Someone has to be the first to discuss this stuff, so that others can go from here and do the next round- We will not discuss everything in the handout, that’s why there is a handoutPhysiology- Lee will be using clinical language as he channels Betty Dodson, but the language we use in the bedroom may be dramatically different- Blaise and Lee discuss the words they use clinically v in the bedroom- We will be discussing post-hormones no lower body surgery bodies, as that is what we know well. Other bodies encouraged to share their stories.- Lee channels Betty Dodson, as per this video, and discusses the difference on transguys post-hormones:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWRO0IIN_QE&has_verified=1- Blaise talks about dressing for play- different trans guys are comfortable with different levels of dress- Jocks, exposing just an area, binders, pants that only uncover the front- Both get bottomless and talk about their personal anatomy- Show & Grab- Lee demos and discusses cock pumping pros and cons, tools, 150-200psi for comfort, 300+ for torture and risk of petechial hemorrhaging of the genitals, padding out for insertion into others using coflex and cotton then condoms over it all (challenges with safer sex) – http://www.mr-s-leather.com/TT101.html with http://www.mr-s-leather.com/TT103.htmlAstral Bodies, Prosthetics, and Dysmorphia- What tools do we all use to be more embodied and make our bodies our home?- Watching our prosthetics get tortured can be just as “real” as tormenting our physical bodies for some- Do we have to play in the dark? Will rule out some sorts of play- Castration fantasy- hot for some transguys, horrid idea for others- Dangers of CBT and looking at own body as humiliation tool- Solo CBT- Playing with others- how do they treat our bodies?More CBT demos!- Blaise does wax play. Talks about how any SM tool can be used for CBT, just with more accuracy and degree of precision. Wax as one his oldest kink toys, so applying it to CBT felt natural. Discusses concepts of doing wax play in general. Don’t use “massage candles” if chance of going internal unless you know it is safe for internal use.- Extra concerns for chemical play on ftm bodies- fluid does not always let tigerbalm etc stay put, it can migrate- The front hole is NOT your asshole, even if gay boys we play with might think it is. It does not self-cleanse as easily. Really, put a condom on what you put in your front hole if chance of urinary tract infections, and other health concerns.- Lee does sounding. Concerns about putting rosebud sounds in too deep. Cleaning issues. Standard Sounding should NOT hurt. Start with small, slow and sensual sounding before doing sounding as CBT to make sure to learn your body. Lee likes the following types of sounds:https://www.kinkymedical.net/product_pix/CATHETERS-SOUNDS/HEGAR2.JPGhttp://www.mr-s-leather.com/M064.htmlhttp://www.mr-s-leather.com/cat/1070-1155/medical-toys-sounds-speculums-medical.htmlBut everyone has their own tastes. Make sure to pee afterwards. Clean v. sterile is important to know based on how prone you are to UTIs (Blaise comments that he can look at something wrong and get a UTI, so sounding outside of sterile conditions is a bad idea for his body)- Concerns on hormone-using bodies: how thin have mucous membranes gotten? Can affect how much bondage, abrasion etc we can do. In fact, penetrative sex can be a form of CBT in and of itself if not used to that hole. Is it psychologically off? Negotiate way in advance.- Superglue to do chastity, glue on prosthetics, on some anatomies (like Blaise) to close off front hole access but not cock access- that does not work on Lee’s body.- Some guys are okay with some stuff if it is never discussed, just done. Will discussing it mess our partners up?- Assuming excellence on the part of our lovers- they did not mean to hurt us physically/emotionally- Blaise does needles: Using flashlights to look for veins, where are you piercing? Which direction are you having that tip face? Most commonly used by Blaise 22g-20g, but has used larger. Short v. long needlesAny questions?Challenge others to share their tools, tell their body storiesWe deserve sexual and kink excellence
The Handout:
FTM CBT: Genital Torment for Queer BodiesBlaise, Lee Harrington and WinterSong Tashlin© PassionAndSoul.com and BarkingShaman.blogspot.com
Let’s admit it- doing genital torment on transguys is different than doing it on other bodies. In some ways we get the best of all worlds- so let’s talk about our desires to torment, tease, punish and pamper our amazing flesh. After discussing the varieties of genitals out there to play with (and what we call them) in this category and how our hormones and modifications (or having had neither) have affected our CBT and sex, we will demonstrate and discuss a wide variety of torment options. Abrasion, piercing, bondage, clamps, caning… plus more advanced concepts like playing with trans genital humiliation will all be up for grabs. Add some dirty talking and negotiation skills into the mix- and watch us squirm!
Who We Are and Why This ClassThe Bodies We Are Playing With:Today’s LexiconYour Lexicon and Translating – What do you call it?We are not here living our play to offend you- its ok if our experiences are differentAwareness of modifications and their influence on Genital Torment:Non-mod bodies (and their WIDE varieties)Bartholin's glands – secretes mucous for moistnessCervix/Top of the Front HoleClitoris/Cock - clitoral hood/foreskin, glans, shaft & wingsGräfenberg Spot, or G-Spot/Hot SpotLabium/Balls – labia major and labia minoraSkene's gland – aka “female prostate”Urethra/Piss HoleVagina/Front HoleVulva/Crotch… plus whatever you call it, plus intersex bodies, plus asses....Medications and HormonesDescent/Growth of Clit/CockStretching/Changes of Hood/foreskinRelaxation of SphinctersLoss of Moisture ProductionElasticity of Front HoleEjaculation ChangesChanges in Desires/SensationsThe Myths and Truths of Libido ChangesHysterectomyHow much was removed?MetoidioplastyPhalloplastyVaginectomyTesticular ImplantsClitoral ReleasePiercings… and other body adventuresTypes of Genital Torment:AbrasionBitingCaningChemicals (know sensitivities and counter-agents first!)Clips/Clamps/ChopsticksCock PumpingCompressionCuttingBondage:RopeChainSaranChastity DevicesRubber BandsElectricity (outside, inside)Energetic & Astral Body playNeedles/StaplingPunching/Kicking/Slapping/PaddlingSaline InfusionSuper GlueTemperature Play: Ice, Wax, Water, Heat PacksWeights (from piercings or clamps, or holding inside)Whipping/FloggingInsertion:SoundingFront HoleAnalSex Play:Mouths (How do we like it? Hate it? Licking, Sucking, Biting, Blowing)Cocks (Prosthetic, Cis-gendered, Trans cock)Hands OnHands InPlaying on the Edge:Removing ProstheticsAcknowledgement of Front Hole/PhysiologyName calling, Embarrassment, Humiliation, ObjectificationCBT Concerns on Trans bodies and minds:Tissue TearingBlood and Other Body FluidsUrinary Tract Infections (UTI)Sexually Transmitted Diseases/Infections (STDs/STIs)How do we cover trans cock for safer sex?Yeast InfectionsSmaller Margin for Error / Higher Degree of SkillLube/LubricationBody Awareness Issues (for communication of experience, esp w Dysforia)Put a Condom on That! (The ass has a steady stream of traffic to clear itself out, the front hole does not, be aware what you put in there)Latex allergies and sensitivitiesOther allergiesDysforia and DysmorphiaOther Mental/Emotional ConcernsPlaying with Emotional ButtonsLevels of comfort talkingSelf-hatred and Internalized TransphobiaTools for Hotness:Porn Language/Dirty TalkingThe Power of mixing in D/sBlindfolds for the Win!Dressing for steamy successCBT is Okay does not mean ALL CBT is OkayTalk about what you mean by CBTWhat do you like to do?What is hot about that for you?Other thoughts:CompassionNot treating as freak show (unless that’s hot)Don't assume what folks will likeEveryone’s body is differentSafety to explore optionsRespecting pronouns and language preferences, but don't obsessDon’t overthink or be hyper-aware or fixate… unless partner shows otherwise (some folks love it)Stop apologizing/but own your mistakes (all parties)Just because they are having challenges does not mean it is yours to “fix”Don’t take someone else’s journey personally, its not about youThe map may changeBreatheLove© PassionAndSoul.com and BarkingShaman.blogspot.com