Bitch Bound to Mama Bear

So I wrote the following ramble on the Peter Pan bus from Albany, NY to Boston today, after dropping Scout at the airport and Master R and I having some really terrific conversations. I look forward to continuing those some time when my head is more settled- but more on that later. So yeah, folks had asked, and I needed to vent, so here is my rant on having my ass owned by something bigger than me.There is a thin line between the perceptions in society between those they perceive as insane and those who see things beyond what is not present in base perceptions. I am walking that line and I find it to be a tricky thing. The line between lucidity and madness, the place of places and the way truths exist and I can feel them in my pores, and then a moment later remembering that that sentence sounds like crazy talk for the bulk of modern humanity. Dreams, Demons, Spirits, Gods and Animals do not have a voice in our society. No one speaks for wolf, and those who do are decried as crazy hippy freaks.I am bitch bound to Mama Bear.I keep getting asked what that means, as if somehow it could be defined in simple terms, as if words like submissive, service, healer and masochist were all as easily defined. I am these and more. I hear and have to listen, and when I don’t it hurts. I have to act and when I don’t I know I am not on the right path. I see her and others. I deal with humans and others alike, and sometimes it feels a bit maddening to have a deep conversation with a body of water or a pile of trash, but each has its own wisdom.My sane voice, my scientifically driven truths, speak to me of tapping into the unconscious truths of what I have already learned and may not recall knowing, that less than 10% of the human brain is actively used. Perhaps I was told these things as a child and do not recall them, overheard conversations I retained beyond conscious thought. That magic and all that hoo ha is just an outlet for understanding what we do not have the ability to immediately rationalize.But then I hear her growl up in my spine, I feel the electricity in my finger tips, and the compass turns as I touch it. I turn to someone and share a truth and it changes their lives. I meet strangers who share the world with me and then do not recall having met me one minute later. These are not things my sane voice can put a tongue to.I am bitch bound to Mama Bear.She is black and brown, grizzly and cave. She is majestic and terrifying. She comforts and rips apart. She is mother and destroyer, protector and provider, mate and matriarch.Growing up I had three animals I empathized most with, talked with, did energy work with, and went to when I was scared. Otter. Owl. Bear. I have over the years also done a lot of work with Rat and Dragonfly, Spider and Housefly, Snake and Cow, Dog and Pigeon, Horse and Butterfly…and had brief liaisons with Panther, Pig, Dove, Stag, Bobcat, Frog, Antelope, Beaver and Nutria. I have a love/hate relationship with Wolf workers.I do work and have done work with a bevy of Gods and God-forms as well, but each has been a relationship, never a collaring. And that’s what, yes, this feels like. I am her tool, I am her cub, I am her hope, I am her outlet.I have very little formal work under my belt working with non-animal elements in my active explorations… I do not know their names. But I have ones that I have regular conversations with- Pacific, Atlantic and Columbia, Evergreen and Pine, Willow and Elephant Trunk, Apple and Cotton. Pavement is an old and dear friend who has seen me safe more times than I can count. Gravel is a dirty bitch who never plays fair. Trash is one of the most powerful things in modern society, always promising to go “away”… but there is no away. One of the more magical places I have been at, in so many cities, are the temples to Lady Liquid Waste, also known as water reclamation plants- in Edmonds, WA there is one that I feel so peaceful at- the place of turning the bulk of human filth back into something useable.Then we talk about the bigger ones, the ones that are themselves and yet are tools to bigger beings. I think of the horsemen- War, Famine, Pestilence and Death. Pestilence who is also Trash is also Toxic is also Waste. He’s gained a lot of strength over the years. We think of Peace, Decadence, Comfort, Birth… none of these are good or evil, and I’m not sure how to treat those two words any more.Over the years I’ve spent my fair share of time with Vampires, Demons, Angels, Satyrs, Trolls, and Fallen Stars. I have socialized with Hopes and Dreams, and damn they have good shit to share with their friends. I have partied with Fear and Desire, and seen them at their best and worst. I have a long standing respect for Adventure, even if he tends to get me in trouble sometimes. I know Ambition, Arrogance, Beauty, Disgust, and Xenophobia on a first name basis. Curiosity and I share moments with one another whenever we can, and Trust has left me and come back more times than I can count… but I still love them both. Anger and I still have a lot to work out between us.I am bitch bound to Mama Bear.Her children hold a special place in my heart. Bears (animal or human), or anyone who goes my such titles. Mothers who protect their young. Hunters for their family, whether they hunt in skyscrapers or in the forest. Fisher people. Ferocious things that keep that strength for when it is needed, and do not just destroy for destruction sake.And I am still trying to figure out how to serve her best.I keep getting told by folks who have been doing this shit for years, whether serving Jesus, Hellas, Father Wolf, The Lady, Jehovah, or Humanist Ideals, that it doesn’t realy get easier, but that you eventually do get more solid footing. I keep having my feet knocked out from under me. But I never did ask for it easy.So here I am. A place between trees stretched over concrete riding onward. I find fortunes on road signs and hidden truths in tree trunks. I live mythically and in doing so hope to find the road that is set out for me, or blaze my own. Being bitch bound ain’t easy, but I never did ask for it easy.