PS006 - The Spiritual Calling of Mastery and Slavery with Aiden Fyre
This week, Lee is joined by Aiden Fyre to discuss their path toward the sacred path to Mastery and Slavery, sharing their journey together and how they got there. They share about their own recent commitment & ownership ceremony, their paths in faith, definitions for M/s, D/s, and Topping & Bottoming, and far more.
You can find out more about Aiden at
Music on today’s episode is the song Joie De Vivre from the album Yami Kallima by Pocket Universe
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[music intro]
Announcer:
Welcome to Erotic Awakening, an educational and entertaining exploration of all things erotic. From sacred sexuality to fetishes, power exchange relationships and Leather life, BDSM to polyamory, as well as simply fun kink. Each week we bring you a diverse offering of erotic life in its many forms. This podcast includes frank discussions of highly sexual topics. If you are offended by this type of content, or prohibited by law, we recommend you stop listening right now.Lee:
Hello, fellow adventurers of sexuality and spirit, and welcome to Erotic Awakening with Lee Harrington. Now, okay, I know I threw you guys off a little bit with that podcast that came out not too long ago with JD. I'm only supposed to be on here every third Monday, but sometimes I'm a troublemaker, and I hope you'll forgive me.So on this monthly show that I have here on Erotic Awakening, I am delighted to get to share all kinds of topics and ideas, and have a really great variety of listener questions that get sent in as well. This month's topic I am delighted by, because it's discussing the sacred calling of mastery and slavery.
And right now that topic is incredibly fresh on my mind, because on April 30th, at Sacred Sexuality Beltane, something incredibly blessed took place in my life. And we're going to be discussing it here on the air today.
And thus, joining me on my podcast today is my puppy, my boy, my prasadi, my partner, my treasure, and my sacred gift, Aiden Fyre. Welcome, Aiden, to the podcast.
Aiden:
Thank you for having me, Sir.Lee:
Yum, yum, yum.Aiden:
It's an honor.Lee:
If folks haven't seen my stuff on Facebook, you are in for a treat, because I have an entire folder called “Shmooping On My Boy,” because sometimes, though we're both analytical nerds and both love discussing the ins and outs, we're also both part muppet.Aiden:
Indeed.Lee:
So, sometimes we get a little bit silly, and we'll see how it goes this time of year, because this is an adventure. We haven't had a chance to be on the podcast together. So, I'm glad you were able to make time tonight. It's good stuff.Aiden:
Yum.Lee:
Mm, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum!So, okay! Before we get off topic too far, I want to make sure people know who are - decide, ah, Sacred Calling of M/s, not my thing. Don't want to tune in. I want you to know what next month's podcast is.
Next month, we're going to be discussing rope bondage. Now, for folks who don't know, I've been doing rope bondage for a while. So, we're going to be discussing hot ties, slow ties, the why of tying, and a whole lot of rope based stories are going to be coming out of the closet.
I've written a couple books out there. Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macrame. I edited Rope, Bondage, and Power and I've had a number of other essays on rope bondage come out over the years. And of course, I've been in my fair share of bondage porn - for people who didn't know, before my entire career here. I spent a lot of time in the porn industry, including doing a lot of rope bondage porn.
And this is a chance, for those of you who have been saving up all of those little questions about “how did you come up with that thing,” or “what was that thing really like” or want to hear all the dirty stories behind it. This is your chance. I don't give you a chance for it a lot, I usually put a lot of my rope bondage stuff to the side. If it's not in a class, I don't usually want to discuss it. Well, I'm blowing the lid off that. Please, please, please, this is your chance. Let it rip. Send me an email.
And those questions can be sent to Lee, L-E-E, at Passion, P-A-S-S-I-O-N, and A-N-D, Soul, S-O-U-L.com, lee@passionandsoul.com, with the subject line, “Ask Lee.” I look at those questions ahead of time, before the podcast, and if I can't get to them, I try to reply to them as well on my website, passionandsoul.com.
So, with that out of the way, let's get down to business, and let's get down to our hearts. Ready to go on an adventure with me?
Aiden:
Ready.Lee:
Mmm! (Aiden laughs) All right, so the topic here is the sacred calling of Mastery and slavery. And out of curiosity, why might it right now be a really good time to discuss that?Aiden:
We didn't just have our ownership and commitment ceremony, Sir. (both laugh)Lee:
No, it's true. It's true. In front of 120 friends, family, tribe, including some of our biological family.Aiden:
That was huge.Lee:
That was huge. We had, yeah, it was beautiful. Yeah, for folks who've never been to Ramblewood before, how would you describe Ramblewood?Aiden:
Magical. Beautiful fields of green, trails, and an amazing energy about the place. I mean, it's home, it's our home.Lee:
Yeah, it's that place where Dark Odyssey, Summer Camp, Dark Odyssey Fusion, Sacred Sexuality Beltane, Free Spirit Gathering, Rope Camp - and there's a reason these amazing events all happen on that property is because it just… it's alive.Aiden:
Mm-hmm.Lee:
Yeah. So we didn't just happen to stumble into this thing, though. This, you know, committing in three rounds our vows before friends, and family, and deity. It took us a while to get here. (Aiden laughs)So how, because I don't think we can fairly describe the concept of our approach to mastering slavery as a sacred path, until people get an idea of how we even got here. So how would you describe our story? I'm curious.
Aiden:
Well, as our ceremony indicated, this has been a long way in the making. A beautiful journey.I was on this path, as were you, for a really long time. And for me, I knew that I longed to serve someone that my heart wanted to give over complete trust, but never found the right person, and had given up on ever finding that. I thought that it was impossible.
You know, when I first found the scene at 18, I was like, “oh, I'd love to be a slave.” That's where I had this vision of beautiful concubines, and being… I can't describe the image that was in my head. I just can't, but it was this incredibly beautiful and sacred being, and that didn't match anyone else's idea of Mastery and slavery.
Lee:
What kind of stuff did you run into?Aiden:
I had… I came across everything from, well, I just want to tie you up and stick you at the end of my bed, to -Lee:
Which is kind of hot, but -Aiden:
It's hot.Lee:
Not especially a whole sacred path. I mean, not my shape of sacred, I should say. (both laugh)Aiden:
You know, being an 18/19 year old pretty chick… I had lots of guys, older men, who were just thinking - wow, I could have this pretty thing and just dress them up. But there wasn't any substance to it, and that's what I missed.Lee:
Ahh… is that it was all show and no actual energetic flow.Aiden:
Exactly, it was… I didn't feel like I could actually trust them. I didn't feel, like… it didn't really feel like there was a power exchange. It felt like I've got a pet on a chain. And I didn't really feel like being Princess Leia with Jabba the Hutt.Lee:
(laughs) Ohhh, wow. No, no, I have a similar degree of empathy because, my early years in the scene as well, when I was following the slavery, and being on that side of the equation with human partners, because I still am a slave and an owned piece of property, but to the divine, at this point.But yeah, back then, those moments when I was that - you know, before we were both guys - it's one of those funny little moments. So wait, hold on a second…
(goofy voice) “So if you guys were both, you guys were both chicks and now you're both dudes, does that mean like you're faggots who have lesbian sex?”
Aiden:
(laughs) Oh, if I hadn't actually been asked that, it wouldn't be as funny.Lee:
Oh, the things that come out at school. Anyway. The joy of being in college and people not quite getting it.
But yeah, that I did have those moments too, where at 18, 19, that I was able to be that pretty little thing that could be morphed, and changed, and used however. But where was the dedication? Where was the trust? Where was the… where was that sustenance? Yeah.Aiden:
Yeah. So I wasn't really finding that in anywhere I looked, in any person, in any place I looked, it was just show, or it was a “well, this is a great thing to do for tonight.”And while that is something that I encourage people to do, and explore, and play with, it wasn't what I was looking for. I really wanted to explore, for me… giving over trust and actually handing over, and surrendering, that's difficult for me. It's not something I can readily do.
So… it's an incomplete passage, I guess, to do it for just like a night. It's a very small amount, if at all.
Lee:
And I know you've also mentioned that part of, to find that quest for surrender led to you spending time in Buddhist monasteries.Aiden:
Yeah, I was a lay monk, and I mean - I've done a lot of soul searching, and over the years, I just kept looking for… the right person. And so, you know, years after I'd been in the scene, and then out of the scene, and then back in the scene, as you do.Lee:
(laughs) As you do sometimes.Aiden:
I happened to be at Ramblewood. We had met at another Dark Odyssey event, just in passing, and I thought you were adorable. And there was something about you that just, I went, “hmm.” But when I saw you again at Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, I felt calls. And that was the start of me finding… hope. It was suddenly realizing that the doors weren't shut, that I wasn't crazy after all, for wanting more. And so yeah, we want to talk about how long this road has been.Lee:
It's been a couple of years.Aiden:
It's been a few years where I knew that I wanted to be yours. And I distinctly remember coming to visit you, and the burgeoning relationship and friendship that we were.And hearing your voice talk about it being a spiritual calling, and the love, and…yeah… the passion, and just devotion that you had in terms of your relationships and what it meant to you. And I just went, oh, I want that. And I want this human being right in front of me, because he is the most beautiful human being I've ever seen.
Lee:
While I, on the other hand, was polysaturated.Aiden:
(laughs) Yes, you were.Lee:
Yeah, the term that I was turned on to by friends recently, that notion that “doesn't matter that you're poly, the slots are all full.” (Aiden laughs) There is no more juice flowing.And I had a friend of ours, Mitch, down in Arizona, say, you know, right before our ceremony - “oh, you know, good thing you're pouncing on that one. You won't get a chance for a boy like Aiden once in a lifetime.”
And I said, well, “good thing he showed up twice in mine then.”
Because it wasn't an option. The first time around, you know, when we started being play partners and lovers and, you know, having the adventure of having those weekends, of having those “unended journeys,” as you phrased it, that - it's what I had to give right then.
Aiden:
And you were fully present, in those moments. And I think it was because of that, and feeling loved in those moments, that each time we would come back together, even though there was a longing in between. And there was always this constant yearning, and love and devotion that's been there since the beginning. When we would come back and be in each other's shared space and reconnect, it was absolutely beautiful. And it would be everything that I wanted. And so then I could just enjoy that moment and again be reminded that that's what I wanted.Lee:
Mm, yeah. And then we flash forward. Because - and it's funny because I have friends of mine who are like,” but you guys have only been serious since, like, July/August. I don't get it.” They weren't there for the couple years before.Aiden:
They weren't there for the beautiful moments we shared, and…Lee:
Eyeball bindis, and forced text messaging play…Aiden:
We have had some insane and adorable adventures together. (laughs)Lee:
And then there we both were, at Delving Into Power, (Aiden laughs) my three-day D/s intensive, and at the very, very end of it, here I am with 14 amazing students who absolutely blew my mind open, who by the end of the weekend were swearing oaths to each other about being each other's “mirrors through the eyes,” to be able to call each other on their path of D/s. Like…wow.Aiden:
That was an amazing weekend.Lee:
Bawling my eyeballs out with somebody that I've known since, god, I've known her since 2000, back when we were both in the adult film industry. Like, anyway, yeah… because again, those moments where “what happens at the intensive stays at the intensive,” but the emotion is still there. And we were driving back to New York.Aiden:
After I had been sharing all weekend long. (both laugh) You know, here I am wanting - I had looked forward to the intensive for months. I remember going, this is exactly what I've been looking for. I really want to go into this and find out, you know, how this can be more spiritual for me. How can I make this manifest? How do I create this in my relationships?And it was funny just because the conversations - I kept talking about you. And how you have been an inspiration to me in so many ways, and you're who my heart was calling for.
Lee:
But as a teacher, (Aiden laughs) because I'm one of those hyper-ethical teachers, it's just what it is. Like I'm, because - to be honest, I learned years ago that I need people to see me as Lee, as compared to Lee Harrington, if I'm going to have long-term relationships with them. After some nightmare moments, you know, being in bed, with somebody actually saying to me, “I can't believe I'm in bed with the Bridgett Harrington.” This is before my gender transition. And I went, no, no, no, no, noooooo. Never again. Never again.So I had turned off my personal experience filter. Like I was just like, “oh, you're sharing beautiful stories, yes.” But I was there as teacher, I was there as guru, I was there as guide. I was not there trying to hook up.
Aiden:
Right.Lee:
Like, so my brain wasn't even in that headspace. Wasn't even there - until we're driving back to New York. And you're sharing, yeah, this is, you know, like, doing the synopsis: You know, I really figured out that this is what I'm looking for is this trait and this trait, and this concept and this idea, and the notion that it could be a sacred path and that this is a vocation, not just a hot piece of nookie. And I went, “wow, that sounds a lot like what I'm looking for.”Aiden:
(laughs) Was it you, or was it I, that said, “well, I did offer?”Lee:
My recollection is that you basically turned around, as best you could while driving, and said, “well, duh!” It was something in that genre. And I'm like, “Riiiiiight, that thing a couple years ago!”Aiden:
Yeah.Lee:
Yeah.Aiden:
Because I approached you more than once.Lee:
I know. And I was polysaturated. And I am blessed, that I got the chance more than once.Aiden:
Yay for being stubborn!Lee:
Yay, also, for the notion that sometimes - we haven't grown up enough. And that we can come back into each other's lives in different ways.I have someone in my life right now that I knew back when I was 15 years old and was an angry street punk. And we were play partners back then. I know we're not supposed to talk about underage, whatever. We were kids being kids. It is what it is. And we didn't see each other for like, six years? And then we came back into each other's lives again, and had another round. And now he's somebody who's back in my life. And we're occasional play partners when I'm in the Seattle area.
And I think these things come in ebbs and flows. And that individual… is not the same - he and I are not having the same relationship that we had when I was in my twenties, that we were having when I was in my teens. It's not the same relationship. We are both at different places. I mean, literally, all of the cells in our entire body replace themselves, what, every year or so?
Aiden:
Every seven years, all of them replace.Lee:
Every seven years. Every single one replaces. That's wild. So, why wouldn't it be that a couple years later, literally, my body is ready?Aiden:
It is true. We are in very different places than we were before. We've both grown up. I've changed a lot.Lee:
Yeah. I mean, you're not a, you know, hot, bouncy chick. You're now a hot, bouncy guy. That totally works for me, just saying. Just saying.Aiden:
Score.Lee:
So, that's a little bit of our journey into this thing that we call Sacred M/s - or, oh, the Sacred M/s, Sacred Master and slave. Is that, is that even the words? I mean, it's a good shorthand.Aiden:
That's, it's not how I define us.Lee:
How would you define it? (Aiden sighs) I know. I am an asshole. (both laugh)Aiden:
Yeah. I love you, Sir, but yes, you are. I don't - when I say, like, as I'm thinking of my FetLife profile. (both laugh)Lee:
Oy! Oy, defining ourselves by our FetLife profiles!Aiden:
Well no, because I think on there, I have us - I think I've put down “I am in a sacred D/s partnership.” I think I have something like that down, because while the degree of devotion and the degree of commitment between us, I think is more along the M/s spectrum than the D/s spectrum, I don't see them as completely polar opposites.Lee:
Yeah, that not necessarily - that they are paths that can overlay, with each other.Aiden:
So, I just, Mastery/slavery to me has a particular picture, that doesn't seem to fit us. You know, and I think that goes along with the lines of - with our dynamic, you don't want to lock me away, I don't wear your collar, I have your mark. You know, the gift that I am to you, and to the world, is by me doing my greater work.So, in an M/s dynamic, to me it's - the picture is locked away, you are mine and no one else’s, whereas that's not us.
Lee:
Yeah, I'm a big believer in communal property. Maybe it's the fact that my academic background was in arts administration, and specifically public art. (laughs) That, to me, the notion of having a beautiful painting and hiding it in a closet where no one can see it but you - to me that robs part of the painting of its value.Aiden:
And I totally get that, and yet - what suddenly came to my mind was the beautiful Muslima who is wearing her hijab. And keeps her hair and her forehead covered, and only for her beloved and her family to see. And so there's this beautiful conundrum, you know?Lee:
Where there's this notion that there is something saved. That in being mine, there are things that are only mine. Even though we have other lovers, and we have other friends, and we have other tribe, and you are out there in the world doing both your career path, as well as your spiritual path, but there is also that which is - mine.Aiden:
And that is without question.Lee:
Yeah. So it's really interesting that you brought up that notion of D/s and M/s spectrum, because one of the questions - we had a couple of write-in questions this week. And one of the ones that got brought up was, “I'm lost, what's the difference between a Dominant/submissive and a Master/slave relationship?” It's a totally fair question!Aiden:
Yes.Lee:
It's a totally fair question. So you talked about that notion of D/s spectrum and M/s spectrum. What are the differences?Aiden:
For me, it's just a picture difference. It's - how are these things expressed? And I think it's almost a level of commitment-ish difference in my head.Lee:
In your head.Aiden:
And that may be different for other people. For me, when I think of a M/s relationship, I'm thinking of a locked collar, long-term relationship that is deeply entrenched in trust and surrender. Where there's a lot of exchange of power, where the slave may or may not have many freedoms.Whereas D/s, to me, is a little bit more forgiving. With a lot more latitude, where some people practice it for a night or a weekend, or it's a short-term thing, or it can be a long-term relationship, but without so much rigidity and limitations placed on the submissive person. I don't see it as… so little freedoms. And I don't know how else to put it, and forgive me for seeming… to me, it sounds negative, and I don't mean it to.
Lee:
Right. One of the descriptions that I heard that I think is really interesting is from Master Skip Chasey, and talk about that notion of assumptions and framework, and the pictures that come to your head. His framework, that I thought was really interesting, is that topping and bottoming are about giving and receiving sensations and experience from the body. That dominance and submission are experiences of the intellect and the will. And that mastery and slavery are the energetic give-and-take between spirits.Aiden:
Ooh.Lee:
Which, it's really funny to me because it's like there's a part of me that goes, “oh yeah! That's really hot.” But then there's this other part of me that has experienced moments of epiphany, through bodily experience, that says that that interpretation discounts spiritual experience through the body. To me, it feels very monotheistic, isn't quite the right word, but very separatist between bodily experience and spiritual experience. To me, the three are part of a big continuum.Aiden:
My initial reaction and my body response tells me that I get what he was meaning.Lee:
Oh, absolutely!Aiden:
That it's the levels of surrender. To me, that's where I made sense. It's like, when I bottom, I am surrendering my body to you in that moment, and I am giving in trust that you will hurt me, but not harm me.When I do D/s, I give over my mind and my will, that I will obey and be yours, and trust that you will not abuse my actions and my devotion.
And that in M/s, I am giving over my spirit, my passions, and I'm fully surrendering all that I am.
Lee:
Which is interesting because I know some people who can hand over their spirit, but can't ever hand over their body. I think of a lot of nuns, for example, who can happily hand over their - and can separate their bodily experience from their notion of devotion, right? And split those into two very different things.I think the challenge - the danger that I see, with the notion of them being a hierarchy, is that it infers in some way, shape, or form that Mastery and slavery is somehow superior to dominance and submission. I don't think it's true.
I think of - Lady Elsa has an essay in Spirit of Desire, in the anthology Spirit of Desire, that actually just recently got second place in the NLA Awards. She just got second place for that, which was pretty cool.
Aiden:
Hooray!Lee:
The National Leather Alliance Writing Awards. But in her essay, she did this really amazing piece that was talking about the notion of service topping as a sacred path.Aiden:
I think I remember this one.Lee:
Yeah, that notion of, you know - hand me your fears, and I will be the one who guides them today.And so the concern that I have, that I see happen sometimes, sometimes in the Master/slave community, is that people go, “oh, well, I'm a Mistress now, or I'm a Master now, so I'm now far superior from you, and I am much closer to understanding the true depths of what it means to surrender.” I'm like, really?
Aiden:
Take your “true dominance” and go away.
Lee:
Yeah!Aiden:
I get very frustrated with poo-poohing of others, period. I think that we all have our unique paths, and my desires are going to be different than someone else's. And quite frankly, they may be different today than they're going to be tomorrow, and different than they were yesterday.And I think that, you know, judging somebody and saying this is better than that? We're dynamic human beings, and we have relationships that can be just as dynamic.
Lee:
Mm-hmm. Which means, in my opinion, because we talk about the sacred notion of mastery and slavery, means that there's a possibility for the sacred notion of any relationship dynamic.So, if that's the case, right? Would you consider that a fair construct, or a fair concept?
Aiden:
Yeah. I mean, in our relationship, we play with other people. And I have a tendency if - I mean, I don't top very often, but when I do top, I'm either acting a sacred whore, or I'm taking, I'm acting, I guess, as shaman. There's - that tends to be how I play.It's always a sacred dynamic, of a sort, because I'm connecting with them. And it doesn't, regardless of whether or not they are my play partner for the night, a lover, a friend, you know, part of my tribe, or someone, you know, that I have a long-standing relationship with, they're still equally important.
Lee:
Yeah. Yeah, no, I totally hear that. And one of the things I also hear you bring up a little bit there, and I'm curious about is, that you mentioned the notion of shamanism, the notion of sacred whoredom. How does your faith play into this entire journey in mastery and slavery, or whatever it is that we're doing?Aiden:
So before, you mentioned that you are owned and collared by the divine, and I, too, am a spirit worker as a child of Lilith - who ironically takes credit for bringing you into my world. (both laugh)Lee:
Oh, goddesses.Aiden:
Oh, yes. So, there is that, you know. As the goddess who takes credit for giving me a teacher and… the guide that I've wanted… that I guess, in and of itself, lends this to be sacred and spiritual for us. But the way in which my service to you helps you do Work is very spiritual to me. And I view who I am as a gift. To both the world, but also to you, and that I facilitate your Work in what ways I can.Lee:
And it's interesting that notion of Work, because - within our own vocabulary, there's lowercase w, right? How do you make your paycheck? And then there's that capital W, Work, of the great Work we are doing on this planet to follow our Dharma, to follow our calling, to follow that which we were built to do with excellence.Aiden:
Our purpose.Lee:
And I thought I just wanted to, for myself, I wanted to spell that out for people at home - because you can't always hear the “w” versus “W” in “the Work.”
Aiden:
Exactly. And so… while Lilith has very blatantly said that you are here as my guide, and my teacher, and my friend, to help me with my Work and help me achieve greatness… I see my role as… the… hmm. (laughs) I don't know, I don't have words for it. This upsets me. You know, I want to say, “insert word here.” I fill it.Lee:
Yeah.Aiden:
I'm the person who sees you. And - okay, to steal from our ceremony, I'm the mirror for you. And sometimes, being able to see you for all that you are - is a gift. And some days, it's - making sure that your water is filled, is a gift. (Lee laughs) And some days, it's -Lee:
Calling me out on my bullshit. And that is a gift.And looking at me in the eyes, and reminding me that I am lovable, on the days when people have been bashing me, on random bullshit, that's a gift.
And on those days when I don't think I can take another step, because the world is too heavy - and so you remind me that I have the capacity to sit down and sleep. That is a gift.
Gifts come in many different shapes and sizes. And I think it gets forgotten in - you know, a lot of times when people talk about the, “oh, I receive service from my partner or whatever.”
You know, the water thing, it's useful, because I get dehydrated easily, but - a lot of that's the fetishism, of Mastery and slavery, and Dominance and submission, because you know what, it still gets my dick hard. It's still hot to have you kneeling down in front of me, clasp into formal collar, answering to every single formal protocol, as we design them. That's hot !It really works for me on a libido level.
But the days when I actually remember that, oh, real service in my world? Is not whether or not you're wearing six inch stiletto heels while dusting the house. Real service, in my world, is the things that need done, so that I can get shit done. So that I can actually do the stuff that that capital-W Work calls for.
Aiden:
I think lately where I end up feeling that my service has been, and where my judgment comes in, because it doesn't feel like enough - is that I feel like my gift has been devotion. And devotion only. As a student who's finally graduating, you know -Lee:
Yaaaay!Aiden:
Whew, I know mother told me that that's where I needed to focus on, but still.Lee:
So just to be a hundred percent clear on the words just used, we're talking about university graduation, right? (laughs) I'm not picking you up at 18. Which I'm not saying that people - because I did. We both were pursuing stuff at a younger age, but I want to be clear that we're in the same age bracket, because that - sometimes people don't always realize that, that you're actually six months older than me. Which is, though, people wouldn't guess it by our heights and all that kind of stuff, but - when you're talking about mother, you're talking about Lilith, that your devotional practice, and when I did divination on this as well, it was “no, no, really, you're focusing on school.”It's why I moved to New York. Yes, you are my property. Yes, you are mine. And yes, I've taken out all that you are and I have a choice that I could have just said, “no, you're up and moving to Arizona.” But if I look at you in the long run, and look at property as investment? Pulling you out of New York isn't gonna serve anything, isn't gonna serve me in the long run. I'm not buying into this for a four month fling.
I'm buying into this for the long run. If that's the case, I want the Aiden that is the most successful Aiden that they can be, that will be able to serve me the best five years from now, 10 years from now. Not whether or not I'm able to have you, you know, suck my cock every afternoon - as hot as that would be, and I would delight in that, I'm not gonna rule that out! We can figure out a work schedule that allows that, right?
But it's bigger than that. There's more going on. But I still hear that hunger. I hear that hunger, that it would be nice if there was more of the hot formality.
Aiden:
I don't know if it's a hunger for the high formality.
Lee:
No, hot. Hot. Hot is my word, H-O-T.Aiden:
Yeah, no, I think what I yearn for is expression of service. Something tangible, because I think - as someone who is very service-minded, but also someone who has fears of not being enough, not doing enough, and having a deep fear of having my partner do everything and me not do enough?I mean, like, so oftentimes in our community, we hear this notion that, you know, the doms do everything and the subs don't, whatever - you know, it's like you hear both sides. And there are days where I am reminded of how much strength it takes to hand over the reins and say, “no, I'm going to follow you,” but how much responsibility and burden I place on you. And I never want that to be too much, and so I'm always conscious in trying to go, okay, how can I make myself more useful? (laughs)
Lee:
And yet at the same time, I remember with stark revelation, how I had this intense revelation at TES Fest, which is an event here in the New York area, a number of years ago, back when I had somebody else in service to me, who was down in Australia. That I was sitting in with Flag, who has since passed away, an amazing gentleman, sick fucker. And we miss him, at least I do.But I remember sitting in on a class of his, and he said this offhand comment about the fact that, you know, if it really gets you off, that's all that really matters. And I had this “aha moment” around service.
And I went outside and I made an international phone call. And I'm like - at the other end of the phone, he's like, (goofy voice) “hello, what, huh, Sir, what?” And I'm like, “hey, so I figured it out.” And he's like, what? And I'm like, I figured it out. So I know you're international, but the service that I need from you is to listen to me bitch. Because talking to you on an international phone call is cheaper than my therapist.” (Aiden laughs) How is that not service?
And you, being someone that I can drop all of my veils around. And to walk in front of even if only for five minutes at a time, because I'm that guy who puts up his walls way too easy sometimes - but that I have the capacity to drop those veils for five minutes, that is a gift. That is huge service in my world. That's huge service, because I can't get that anywhere else. I can't buy that down the corner store.
I can buy, get some - I can pay money to get somebody else to dry clean my clothes. I can find someone who will lay in my bed. But to find someone to build trust with, who I as a dominant, oftentimes dominant person, can say, “and here I am,” and that there is - I wouldn't say no fear, but very little fear that anything will ever be used against me, and anything will ever be a problem. I know it's not tangible.
I wish there was a way that, in those moments, I could, like, hand you like a penny. Maybe we have a penny jar or something, right?
Like, it's kind of like we have the Socks of Hope. We had some messed up stuff go down in November, and it's just part of what life was. And afterwards, you got Socks of Hope. Yeah, you got Socks of Hope, so maybe we have a penny jar of tangibility. I don't know.
And to me, part of this thing called, you know, what we are - is about figuring out what's gonna serve us in the long run. It's figuring out the systems, because there's not a guidebook.
Yep, there's some really D/s books out there where I can read somebody else's way, on how they made it work.
But I'm not Master Fyre. I'm not Dan and Dawn, as much as I adore them. I'm not Master Jack McGeorge, who’s since passed away, and getting to read his book. You know, I'm not Raven and Joshua. I can't just go on the internet, quickly download an entire guidebook and have it answer everything for me. Do I get some ideas out of it? Absolutely. Yeah. I can get ideas from it, but when we're figuring out us? It takes us figuring out us.
Aiden:
And I wanna make sure that it's enough.Lee:
Hmm.Aiden:
And I guess maybe that's the growth. That is, having faith and trust that it really is enough, that it is a service. But I know for me, there's always, in the back of my head, there's this - well, is it enough?Lee:
And I am a big believer that people enter our lives “for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” And if I can be there to be the mirror for your journey, for that reason of you learning your self-value, you, this powerful being sitting in front of me, you this amazing creature that I have been gifted with from the Universe, that I have had entrusted to me, that's a reason enough for me. Because you've got some big shit that you have to do in this world. You've got some really important stuff that you're supposed to be doing on this planet. I know, don't roll that eyeball at me. (Aiden laughs) Don't roll that eyeball at me, you know it's true. You've got some stuff that has to happen.Aiden:
I know I have stuff to do! I just don't know what it is yet. It's just kind of like, oh god, there's something.Lee:
And right now, you are picking up all the skills that have to go in your bat-belt. And if I can be that mirror to show you how powerful you are?Aiden:
I think there's more than that. At least for us, I think. There are a lot of lessons that I need to learn from you.Lee:
And vice versa. And vice versa.So, last thoughts? The sacred calling of Mastery and slavery?
Aiden:
(laughs) The first words that jumped in my head were, I look forward to the journey. Um…it's been an interesting road. With turns, unexpected dips. But… scenic route and all, it has been really quite amazing. And I've never felt so invigorated, alive, hopeful, like things were right. And I think that that's - part of it is that the pieces fit, that the different pieces fit. It's not just a romantic relation. And these aren't value judgments. These are just for me -Lee:
Yeah.Aiden:
- what I was looking for, what I wanted. I wanted my friend. I wanted a best friend that I could be all of myself with, and be accepted, and not have to fear that I share too much. I wanted a partner and a lover, that I could share my passions with, and - be romantic with, but also have so much more with. And I wanted a teacher, and I've got all of those things in you, and it feels right.Lee:
Mm-hmm.Aiden:
We will always have an amazing tribe, and other amazing human beings in our lives, and that won't change, because of who we are.Lee:
That's true.Aiden:
But I feel, for probably one of the first times in my life, that I have this really strong foundation, and I've got this person who I can create and build with, and I feel like it's…As we've said to each other on so many levels, we are capable and powerful human beings, but I feel like what we're creating together now is exponentially so much bigger.
Lee:
And we've both got Work to get done. (Aiden laughs) And I'm grateful for the ally.Aiden:
Yeah.Lee:
So, we could go on for hours.Aiden:
Yes.Lee:
Because oftentimes we do. This is part of our journey, and part of this thing that we call our sacred path. It's part of the adventure.
But hopefully, at home, or sitting in your car, or on public transit, or wherever you're at right now listening to this, hopefully you've got a couple of conversation starters, a couple of ideas, and hopefully a couple of new questions, because really we learn new stuff by asking, asking for what's going on in our head.
And maybe you'll go out and share some of your stories about what is sacred, or not sacred, about all of this stuff for you. Because it's all about sharing our stories entirely as a community as well.
Aiden:
Mm-hmm.Lee:
So thank you for joining me, Aiden.Aiden:
Thank you for having me, Sir.Lee:
For folks who are interested in Aiden's work, you can find his website ataidenfyre.com, which isA-I-D-E-N-F-Y-R-E.com. Or if you go to my FetLife profile, you'll see there, “owner of Aiden Fyre.”So you can find me all over the place. Reminder, for next month, I'll be discussing rope bondage from hot ties, to slow ties, why we're tying, and a whole lot of stories around rope.
So if you have anything, please feel free to give me a call. Or not call, I should say. Unless you have my phone number, please! If you have my phone number, give me a call, because that's great!
But no, drop me an email. Drop me something onfetlife.com. You can find me at Passion And Soul.passionandsoul.com. If you go all the way to the bottom of that website, you'll see a section called Stalking Made Easy, because I like making it easy for you. So you can find me on Facebook, find me on pretty much every social media, Twitter, all of that stuff.
You can follow Aiden Fyre on Twitter as well at Aiden Fyre, A-I-D-E-N-F-Y-R-E.
And if you're interested in seeing some of us, either myself or both of us in person, we've got some upcoming events, which is great in the next two months.
Aiden:
(laughs) Yes we do! Only a few.Lee:
This week here in New York City, which is where I have just relocated to, it's very exciting.Aiden:
Yay!Lee:
In New York on Thursday, on May 19th, I will be at Purple Passion teaching asymmetrical bondage.That weekend in Hartford, Connecticut is Queer Playcon, where I'm going to be teaching on genderqueer bondage and F-to- M CBT with Wintersong Tashlin. And you're also doing a panel there, I believe.
Aiden:
I might be. I'm not really quite sure.Lee:
Either way, we're going to be causing trouble there, which is going to be fun.Aiden:
I’m bootblacking, I know that.Lee:
Yes, yum, yum, yum. And then in June, you can find me at Twisted Tryst in Indiana. Or find both of us at Dark Odyssey Fusion in Northern Maryland, at that amazing space we were talking about before, Ramblewood retreat.Aiden:
Oh, can’t wait.Lee:
It's going to be an amazing event. Just, I'm blown away. Please go to the website and check outdarkodyssey.com. All kinds of amazing stuff happening.And for those who are interested in Delving Into Power, we do have one coming up here in the United States in August, August 12th through 14th. And registration just opened up a couple of days ago. So we've got a handful of tickets left. So if you're interested in that...
Aiden:
And where is this one going to be?Lee:
The one on August 12th through 14th is going to be just outside of Boston in Wayland, Massachusetts. So between Boston and Hartford, Connecticut. So here in the Northeast region.And there will also be one in September in Toronto, for the Canadians who are up for that adventure as well. And that registration will be opening up in about a month, I believe.
So, one last time. Thank you, fellow inventors on sexuality and spirit for joining me. And in this case, joining both Aiden and myself.
This has been Erotic Awakening with Lee Harrington. And until next time, stay cool, have fun, be authentically you, and don't do anything I wouldn't do. Which, luckily, isn't much.
Have a fantastic journey.
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Bye dawn.
Bye Dan.
