PS039 - Bondage, Vulnerability and Crowdfunding

Jan 20

Written By

Episode: https://shows.acast.com/660e243b2f834f0017de9181/episodes/660e2440acbcaf00174d993a

Amidst out fears, scenes and huge projects, each of us has an opportunity for mindfulness and gratitude. Lee takes us on a journey through his fundraising project for “More Shibari You Can Use: Passionate Rope Bondage and Intimate Connection” and the full-color revised edition of “Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé.” Along the way he talks about how each of us deserves the rope and play we want, that connecting with our partners is awesome, that there is amazing blessings in vulnerability, and that all of this can be both scary and fun at once. Get your own ebooks, print books, original art, private classes and more by visiting the link found in the notes or at PassionAndSoul.com.

[music intro]
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Lee:
Hello, fellow adventurers of sexuality and spirit, and welcome to Erotic Awakening with Lee Harrington.

It has been a delight, as of late, to get to reach out to so many folks through not only this podcast, but through Facebook, FetLife, Twitter, LiveJournal, which I hadn't been active on for a while, and more.

And for those of you who don't know why I've been reaching out and connecting with so many folks, is that I am in the midst of doing a fundraiser, a crowd-sourcing, crowd-funding project, because I have gone to ebook for, and whatnot, as of today, it's become official, for the revised edition of Shibari You Can Use, Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé, and its sequel, More Shibari You Can Use, Passionate Rope Bondage and Intimate Connection.

It's being a wild ride.

It really is, because it's projects like this, projects like this aren't about the money and the fundraising and all that stuff, even if that is important.

But this book has been multiple years in the making, and here I am getting to lift it up to the light of day and send early mock-up copies, potential copies, to other authors who work I respect, and getting to lift up the images and pieces of the copy and the cover and say, Hi, I have a dream.

I would like to get these out into the world, and I would like you to get to read them, and that costs money.

And it's this place of vulnerability, this place of delight and fear and excitement and uncertainty that blends together like any other scene.

That blends together like so many pieces of life all jam-packed into one little bundle.

Because here I am on Indiegogo pouring out essence, pouring out being, saying, Hi, my name is Lee Harrington, and this is my book.

This is my baby that I have been cradling, that the amazing Rigor J has been photographing and editing, that the fantastic Rob River has mocked up the cover for and been working on layout.

These are the people who have been copy-editing, and you, you've been reading, and here we are.

And in this place of vulnerability, I get to open up my arms and say thank you, over and over again, for every cross-link, for every five dollars, for every thousand-dollar contribution, for every well-wish, for every thumbs up and breadcrumbs and love-its.

I get to open up my heart and be thankful.

And that's a powerful message and experience.

I was interviewed recently as part of all of this by Great Answer, and for those of you who have never listened to the Ropecast, if you're rope bondage people, go check it out.

I've known Gray for over a decade.

And it was funny, his introduction to it, saying that I've known Lee for a long time, and I really wanted him on the podcast not only to talk about various stuff, but also just to get to hang out with him on Skype.

And he heard all of my list of different things that I'm doing for this campaign.

And he just paused and he said, Wow, you're setting yourself up for quite the ordeal, aren't you?

Or something to that effect.

When we are vulnerable, we are brave.

By being vulnerable, I have been gifted by all of you a chance to be brave.

And that's my hope to you who is listening that you will get a chance to be vulnerable and a chance for so much more.

This isn't just going to be some ad campaign, some advertisement.

I'm going to throw some of that stuff in here.

But I really want to talk about that notion of ordeal and facing fears and impermanence and hope and being present and bondage.

Right?

My two books are about rope bondage, but they're also about all of those things too.

I am so delighted by generosity.

And I say that because there's been a piece of me, and there still is a piece of me, that sits in this project from a place of fear.

That I was turned down for a bank loan on this project because it has adult content.

Because I was turned down by Kickstarter because it has adult content.

That I was asked by Indiegogo to take down and edit the video for the campaign because it showed nipples.

Because it's adult content.

And I find it fascinating that in a current age where we are allowed to blow up people on television for entertainment, not for news sake, I find it fascinating that we live in a world where a man can ejaculate in a movie and it's rated R, but if a woman orgasms it's rated X.

I find it interesting that we live in a world where these things are true, but women's nipples are profane.

But that's the world we're living in, it seems, and it's what makes those of us who are erotic adventurers powerful.

I am dedicating Shibari You Can Use in this color revised edition to our forebearers who came before and put out the courage, had the courage, to dive into their authenticity.

The dykes who died, the gay men who gathered in shadow, uncertain of what would happen next, the perverts who went to jail, the bondage practitioners who lost their children and still continue to, because they are obviously not fit parents.

That's who I'm dedicating the first book to, because I am profoundly grateful by those who have come before, and I dream a dream, I dream a day, a dream today, I dream a dream where adult content means I'm gonna sit with my 14-year-old if they really want to read this or see this.

But at the end of the day, if someone wants to pursue any form of sexuality, or hell, if in the United States we could actually talk about our sexuality without facing shame, that's the dream I dream.

And it's funny, because when I wrote these two books, and more importantly when I started to do the photo shoots for them, part of dreaming that dream was about inclusivity.

Because part of dreaming that dream is about seeing you and me in the images out there that say I have the right to be erotic.

Because on television we are not seeing beautiful, curvaceous women embracing their sexuality, or more than that, beautiful, curvaceous men.

Hello, praise be to the bears.

We are not seeing diversity of authenticity.

We are not seeing diversity of sexuality, period, whether it is authentic or not, without it being some sort of fetishized process or fetishized person that it is white chick with big black cocks.

Episode number 72.

When I started working on the project, I wanted diversity because we deserve to have that, because that is the next chapter, that is the next generation that says these things like bondage are not just for 90-pound wind-soaking wet contortionists.

And you know what?

I love, I love me some 90-pound wind-soaking wet contortionists.

I'm friends with a number of them.

But, and I'm not saying that they do not deserve to have the sexuality of their dreams as well, but there is a difference between applauding the courage and sexuality of others and denying the courage and sexuality of others.

That we each deserve respect.

And in this case, we each deserve to play with rope in the way that we want to.

And yeah, all of our bodies are going to be able to do different things.

And that's part of having a human body.

That's part of the human experience.

That's part of being flesh and blood.

And here on this planet is that we each work a little bit differently.

That my hips flex differently than your hips flex.

That the strength of your upper arms is different than the strength of my upper arms.

That the softness of your lips is different than the softness of my lips.

And that each of us are one of a kind, beautiful little flowers.

And to deny my joy doesn't give you more joy.

There is the notion of Schadenfreude to experience joy through the suffering of others.

That moment when you see somebody trip on the sidewalk and it makes you smile.

But at the core of it, I long to live in a world, and I think all of us deserve to live in a world where I get to applaud you diving into your sexuality and it doesn't hurt me and diving into my sexuality.

So yeah, we're each going to be able to do different ties differently.

I might be able to have my arms back for longer.

I might be able to have my hands above my head.

You're in a wheelchair, and so you might not be able to do all the things in the same way.

You are walking tall in stiletto heels, and so you might not be able to do things the same way.

As I'm thinking about this book, I really am being vulnerable today, and I hope you'll bear with me.

That it makes me think of a friend of mine who I used to do bondage with in a chair, and he's on to the next chapter.

He's on to the next chapter.

And I remember tying him up one time with this beautiful pink rope, and tied him to the back of his chair, and he was struggling and moaning, a gag in his mouth, my fingers in the scalp, in his scalp.

And I reached down, and I tied up his cock and balls, and he looked down, and he couldn't feel it because he was paraplegic.

But he looked down, and he moaned, and he gasped because of the visuals of it, because I had revealed this extreme thing that was happening to him.

And I remember in that moment having that same flashback, that same experience from when somebody had tied this amazingly beautiful body harness on me while I was blindfolded, and they unblindfolded me and led me over to a mirror, and it took my breath away.

That that moment of seeing transformed my experience of being.

That that moment of seeing transformed my experience of being.

We are beautiful and profound and amazing, and every one of us is these things, and we deserve to play with rope.

Not only do we deserve to play with rope, but we also get to connect with rope.

We deserve those deep connections should we want them.

And I say that we deserve those connections, and I honestly believe it.

It's why I named the sequel book More Shibari You Can Use, Passionate Rope Bondage and Intimate Connection, because of that right for connection.

I am guilty of this too when I say it, but it is hard the amount of times I have looked and wandered around a dungeon and seen either tops or bottoms doing rope bondage, and they're not with their partner and they're not even with the rope.

They're looking around the room to see what's going on or even more often looking around to see who's looking at them, to see how flashy they are to strut their peacock wings.

And you know what?

I can be an exhibitionist.

I absolutely can be an exhibitionist.

But there's a difference between being an exhibitionist and not being present with our partner in the ways we each want to be.

If we've agreed ahead of time to have a peacock scene where we are going to put on a show for the entire room, awesome!

If we have decided ahead of time that I am using you as a canvas and I will be pretty much ignoring you, I will be paying attention to the rope and to the beauty that I am creating, awesome!

But if I have said that I want to play with you and you have said you want to play with me and we are doing it through the conduit of rope, we deserve to be present with one another.

There is a practice within the notion of mindfulness of eating one orange piece at a time.

That there was a Buddhist teacher and someone he was in conversation with and they were sitting there eating an orange and the man who was the student and was talking with him said, he was stopped by the teacher and said, did you actually taste that orange?

And the man realized that no, he hadn't tasted the orange, he'd just eaten it.

He hadn't been present with it.

And I've had moments where I've been in the middle of a scene and I realize I'm not present with my partner, I'm not present with the rope, and I pause for a moment and I take a deep breath and I release and I look at my partner and I authentically and fully look at them.

And I see their chest rising and falling and I see the way that the rope is biting into their skin and I see the way that they are contorted or struggling or breathing blissfully into themselves, or the way that they are curled up at my feet and I realize that they are reaching out to me, that they are holding out their heart, and that it is my duty, but more than that, my delight, my gift, my receiving opportunity to say thank you with my eyes and with my heart, and if it's appropriate with my words, that this is my chance to receive, and instead I have been elsewhere.

And more than that, oftentimes, for me at least, and I don't know if this is the case for you, but oftentimes I've been elsewhere suffering.

I've been elsewhere suffering, that I have been thinking ahead of time about how much I might mess up, that I find myself thinking about what could go wrong, that I can think about that when I'm even trying to learn a tie.

Oh, I'm never going to be good enough.

Oh, they won't like this.

Oh, etc., etc.

That I am busy fearing and hating myself and suffering in that experience, rather than taking a deep breath and realizing I am with someone.

And in this moment, we are down a sacred path together.

And you know what that applies?

This applies even if I'm at a one-night hookup.

This completely applies even if I'm on a dance floor and I flirt with somebody by picking up a piece of rope and winking at them.

I have the opportunity to breathe deeply and to see them in that moment.

And if I'm not there to see them because it is an objectification experience, then I have the opportunity to breathe in and be present with myself and be here and now with me.

I have this opportunity and to deny it, to say that it is not of value, to cast it aside, is a denial of a gift.

Now, I'm not saying don't worry about safety.

I'm not saying being present with someone's breath is more important than anything else.

You know what?

Sometimes we have to two-foot.

We have to keep one foot in the scene, and we have to keep one foot making sure that no one is lighting the room on fire.

Right?

Because you know what?

Candles knocking over or a scene happening behind you at a dungeon, or you gotta still pay attention to that stuff.

But there is an opportunity to dive deeper, to enter into an altered state, to enter into an experience.

Now there are times when playing with rope is having fun.

Awesome!

Dive into the fun.

Fully be present in it.

The fun is excellent and is fun.

Smile and laugh and be in the fun.

Pick up that piece of rope and laugh and run.

Be in it.

And there are moments where it is solemn.

And I feel the goose bumps across my body.

And I am in it.

And I am present in it.

And I am.

These are all beautiful truths and possibilities.

And instead of suffering ahead of time, we have a chance to be here and now.

And that's pretty profound.

I've had that same thing happening with my Indiegogo campaign that I'm like, you know what, I need $50,000 to make this printing happen, and et cetera, et cetera, and what if it doesn't happen, and what if this, and what if that?

Instead of saying a profound thank you to every dollar that comes in.

And so here I am now saying to each and every one of you with full authentic vulnerability and me-ness, thank you.

I am honored.

I am honored by you wanting my books.

I am honored by each dollar.

I am honored by you saying, Lee's a cool guy.

I am honored.

And I am grateful and thankful.

So thankful.

Thank you.

So what is this campaign?

The campaign is to do the funding for the revised full-color edition of Shibari You Can Use Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé and its sequel, More Shibari You Can Use Passionate Rope Bondage and Intimate Connection.

The funding is going to pay for my editors, my layout folks, all of my expenses up to this point, is going to pay to do the e-book layouts, to do all the distribution on those, to do the print runs for both books, as well as distribution fees, shipping, listings, all of that kind of stuff that has to happen when you become an actual publishing company, I've found out, rather than doing print on demand.

It's been a delight to do the first edition of the black and white Shibari You Can Use since 2006, but it's time.

It's time for this to be an actual thing, and it's not really possible from looking around and having done a lot of research, it's not very possible to do a commercially viable, wholesalable color print on demand product and still have it be financially affordable to you, the readers at home.

So it's for all of that.

And for it, I've had a lot of fun actually coming up with the various perks.

So for people who aren't familiar with Indiegogo, it is a crowdfunding campaign system similar to Kickstarter or GoFundMe.

All of these kinds of platforms have some sort of thank you gifts, some sort of thing that says, hey, you donated 10 bucks, thank you.

Indiegogo calls them perks.

And coming up with the different perks was a really interesting challenge because I wanted to have a diversity of things to offer different people.

Some of you have never heard of me before, and some of you have been fans of mine following me for the 15 years that I've been teaching in the kink community, which was a really weird thing to realize.

But over that time, I've had folks who are, you know, I already have all of my books, I already have all of my stuff.

So the perks are everything from get one ebook, get two ebooks, get one print book, two print books, both of the books signed by myself and Rigor J wrapped up and bound in original not work that you get to receive as an original work of art.

Making full actual original works of art that can hang in your home.

I'm doing complete library collections.

Rigor J is doing these beautiful limited edition art prints.

We've got private classes both long distance and in person, including a three day educational experience and immersive opportunity, whether it's for a single person or for a complete group to bring me out.

And what really delights me is that people can come up to Alaska for four days and three nights of debauchery and delight and having a place where you can go out and do bondage in the snow, come back and spend time in a hot tub or come out during the summertime and get to see the beautiful vistas.

It's pretty amazing, actually.

I got to haul some folks I know from Texas out to one of our private suspension points in the woods surrounded by snow, looking out over the water and the mountains, taking beautiful photos.

And you'd think, oh wow, you know, snow, it's really cool, I don't want to go up to Alaska in the winter, but it's really beautiful.

It's profoundly beautiful.

I really do love the beauty here.

And then, of course, we also have a level where if you wanted the rope from the shoot itself, we've got pieces where you get the rope as well as having photos of models in that rope, as well as having the books bound in bondage that matches your rope, etc.

And the reason I bring all these different things up is that there's a little something for everyone, that I wanted this to be accessible, that I want each person to be able to contribute to the level they can, including for those of you who are moved to be patrons of the arts, to be able to do so, and if you're hoping to do something beyond the perk levels, we can talk about what that would look like.

One of the reasons it was really important for me to hire an ebook team was because for the first version of my book, and the bondage books that are out there right now, really, most of the companies are just scanning the book, shoving it into an ebook reader, and there you're going.

But I really wanted to do something where the media, the medium, is being used appropriately into its fuller capacity.

So instead of saying see page 47, I'm actually having crosslinks back to, I'm having links back to the material so that you know where to go.

And so you know what to do next instead of flipping around and having going back to the table of contents and all of that stuff.

One of the cool things about ebooks I'm learning, because I just got one recently, it was a holiday gift or a birthday gift actually, and is that nobody needs to know what you're reading.

Nobody needs to know what you're doing.

You could be reading pornography, you could be reading a business text, no one knows.

And that's pretty neat that I'm able to flip back and forth between different topics of books.

And it also means that you could have both of my books on your e-reader and be able to go back and forth between ties if you so choose.

Now mind you though, I love books in my hand.

I love books in my hand.

I love the texture of it.

I love being able to flip open the pages and lay it down and get inspired because I can pass it off to other people and loan out books.

I'm able to say, oh, you haven't seen the network of Two Naughty Boys?

Here, let me loan you both of the books.

And it's right there.

I think that's really a neat thing to be able to have, that I can have it at a rope practice group and pass it around, that I can leave it out as a coffee table excuse to start a conversation.

And it's why it's really important to me to have this not just be an ebook, but to have it be an actual print book.

I don't want printed books to go away.

I don't want us to lose that beauty, that art form of the printed book.

And I'm not saying that ebook people are not doing beautiful work, and it's not to say that novels can't be read in the same way.

It's not that they're not, because they are not the same way.

Reading a novel on paper is not quite the same, even as using paper white on a Kindle or whatnot.

It doesn't make the Kindle not awesome, but it makes it a different experience.

So what I'm hoping this Indiegogo is going to do, what this crowdfunding project is going to do, is help bring these books into fruition, is to help them come out into the world, because the world deserves books on bondage that have a diversity of models, that have really great exercises for connecting with your partner, for full color, beautiful images, because Rigor J was a fantastic partner to team up with on the project, because we deserve to have more things out there that help people tap in, whether they're beginners or people who have been exploring for an extended period of time.

And my hope is you'll make that happen with me, that we get to go on an adventure together.

And part of going on that adventure together is me loosening up and letting you come on the journey with me, because you are part of this journey.

We're all part of a collective experience that's making something happen.

And that's not me trying to be Pollyanna or necessarily Woo Woo or any of that kind of stuff, though there is that component as well.

I do believe we collaboratively create reality.

I do believe that the choices you make do affect the world at large.

I do believe that when you touch a heart, it ripples out into the world.

And this is a case of touching a heart and helping out.

But I want you to think about that within the case of your own scenes, whether you do bondage or not.

How can you touch a heart and let it ripple out?

How can you let your heart be seen and let it ripple out?

How can you open your heart up and let those ripples in?

Have that beauty inspire you?

How can you face your delights rather than constantly fearing your fears?

Because we talk all the time about facing our fears.

What happens if we face our delight, face our joy, face our beauty, face the possibility of actually getting what we want and need?

What happens in those moments?

And I challenge each of us to face our delights and get what we want.

And in doing so, make the world a better place.

Get what you want and make the world a better place.

They don't have to be opposites.

They can line up on the same path.

I really believe that.

And I appreciate each of you who's helping that happen right now.

And I'm not just talking about with the Indiegogo.

I'm talking about with life, with beauty, with being-ness.

So thank you for being.

And thank you for connecting.

And thank you for trying.

Because mindfulness is a practice, and you don't get it perfect every time.

As somebody said to me recently, reading from a Buddhist teacher's work, you don't follow the North Star to get to the North Star.

You follow the North Star to try to get home.

And each of these things, we are working on it.

We're working on it not to get to the North Star, but we're working on it to get home.

So that is my hope for you, that when you get lost, you just take a moment, breathe, look for the North Star again.

Take a moment, breathe, look at your partner again.

Take a moment, breathe, feel the ropes again.

Take a moment, breathe.

And with that, thank you all for joining me.

You can find my work online at passionandsoul.com.

My Twitter is also Passion And Soul.

Facebook is Passion And Soul.

FetLife, Passion And Soul.

Because we deserve both.

And on all of those platforms, you can go see my Indiegogo campaign or go over to Indiegogo and type in Shibari.

Because it's indiegogo.com forward slash projects forward slash more dash Shibari dash you dash can dash use.

And that's long.

Or you can also go to shibariyoucanuse.com and get straight to the Tumblr feed and see all of the beautiful images that Rigor J is doing as part of the limited edition art prints.

And with that, thank you each and every one for joining me.

My name is Lee Harrington.

And until next time, have fun.

Enjoy yourselves.

Explore and be authentically you.

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