Posting too much: plus Cigar Play

A friend of mine recently posted that those who post too much most often are saying less.Its true.I'm not saying as much as I'd like, as if I can somehow vent tiny posts and the pressure of what I want to say will just keep shut, keep quite be a good girl already will just stay still.I dislike hurting people I care about, and yet last night I unintentionally shared unneeded info that hurt someone very much that I care about, I keep sharing my base emotions and hurting people I care about, etc.So I download Smach Mouth and try to smile, wrapped in layers of white in a public cafe, keeping myself in check. At home I can't keep my emotions in check. Its not appropriate, and it is not helpful. If all the big vents seemed to actually make a difference, I wouldn't be so bent out of shape about doing them. But hours of conversation go by and I awaken to my partners humanity, but no clues, no puzzle pieces, to make us whole again.Body/gender issuesJob focuses... oh, if ya couldn't tell from the poem, I ended up doing some street magic at Beaverton TC yesterday trying to get insight into where to go from here, and I feel good about the tingles of direction I got.PartnershipsLocations... and more...And on top of all that, my spidey sense keep going off and I keep being *right*- which is great but really annoying.So, let's post something fun then!I really enjoy a good cigar... a few of my reasons why:-ritual of storing, collecting, prepping, cutting, lighting-discussion of tobacco interests-there is no fast smoke, this creates intentional time for smoking, thus a form of intentional time with the people/by yourself that you have planned-combinations of good company/good drinks-storytelling or silence sharing around a smoke-the bands on the cigars, design-human ashtrays (in mouth, in cunt or on skin- trick, wet your mouth with spit to put stuff out, do not burn someone)-human humidors/sexual play-using ashes for rubbing into cuts-Forced smoking via gasmasks, kissing in smoke, etcI had the pleasure of attending Nayland's class at TESFest on Tobacco fetish, specifically cigars and pipes, but we covered everything from James Dean to Classical literary figures, spitoons to the proper way to pack a pipe. 8 hot leather people, sharing ideas, fetishes, fantasies all involving smoke, chew, snuff, or other tobacco products.I have no interest in being a daily smoker. But the intentionality of cigar space really appeals to me. The ritual of having my boy cut the end off my cigar, or carry my case for me. The sensuality of barely not quite dragging the ash of my lit stogie across a nipple. Threatening to put my smoke out in someone's cunt, or if truly evil, in their eye (I love mindfucks). Seeing someone choose a smoke for me. As service lighting cigars for everyone present. The gift giving mentality- here, have one, try one, this is the band size, the source... sharing resources and stories.I enjoy gentleman's acts like cigar sharing or buying rounds. When we always buy our own drinks or dinner, it is a statement that we owe each other nothing. I like owing people things and being owed things. Why? It states that we will do this again, it is not a one time act! If I owe you nothing, I can walk away. But I have crash spaces all over the world, and in turn I get random calls out of the blue of folks who want to crash at mine. It ties us together in a web of sharing instead of feeling isolated. But there is also community building in the drink rounds act. This one is on me boys! Sharing your wealth back with the tribe, and in turn joy is shared in return, when you are in need the next round will be on someone else.Light me up. Oh please, someone light me up.I was invited out for cigars tonight with Pup, but I'm not sure if it's really the right idea for where my head has been. I am sick of venting.Current Music: All Star- Smash Mouth