Gendernaut

I corset him down, strings under my fingers tightening as I stare at the pink glittery fishnets they are wearing. Shortly after she dons a short bobbed wig, and a friend adorns zir face with delicate makeup.This is AidenFyre, my Beloved, doing drag at Dark Odyssey Summer Camp.Or is it?  He becomes ze becomes they become she becomes themselves. They drift between genders, beyond genders, into genders. Aiden laughs at it all, ponders it all, gets angry at it all. This all called gender.Gender-nauts, gender adventurers, beyond gender, gender-fabulous, third gendered, gender fluid, gender neutral folks, gender-fuckers, ungendered, polygendered... so many linguistic and energetic choices! And yet when they are real, it becomes strange at times from the outside.In all my gender adventuring, I have found that I find more anchorpoints than Aiden does. I try not to compare. Comparisons don't help. His journey is different than mine.Today I look down at my body and it feels all right. My cunt, my furry belly, my flat chest and scars. My long hair and beard. Large piercings and smirk of a smile.  A few months ago looking down sent me to being curled up in a ball, shaking, wanting to scream. Occasionally I would scream. How can I be a guy without a cock. And then today, I glow- I am a man with a hungry cunt, a powerful twat. Time shifts reality, and I breathe it all in.His cock is between my lips and I breathe deep the scent that is theirs. A week later we would talk about eggs and fertility, and how the issue applies to them. Dancing between genders, under genders, past genders.Past genders lock into focus. A student turned flirtation asks what my scars are from. I say they are from when I had top surgery. "What is that" he asks. I explain that I am transgendered. He blinks, and does not believe me until I show him photos. He blinks, and is gobstruck. My face smirks. Inside I am somewhere between jubilant for being "seen," and a feeling that looks like shoulders down and eyes cast off to the side. I don't have the name for the emotion, and that is okay.I look into my lovers eyes marked with smoky shadow. He laughs back at me as we whirl around each other, laughing in the sun, each with a whip in hands.He shifts like a chameleon. He shifts like the tide. He is.I swore to him years ago that whatever gender path he takes I would stand with him. I thought it would be easy. It is, except when its not. Today it is easy.I identify as male, today. In some circles, as a nice guy with a twat. I have fallen into a place where gender is binary. When I dress as a woman, I am not showing the woman I am. I am showing my fabulous drag-tastic self... that happens to have a cunt.He shifts between. Ze jokes that they are female to male to whatever the fuck. I laugh along, and breathe deep. I breathe them deep, and am grateful for this amazing gendernaut in my life.