Cam Calendar Update and Dinner with Lamb

41 applicants and counting. Finally I'm starting to see the diversity I know is here in the Cam, hooray.I just got off the phone with Phillipe Boulle, the Marketing guy at WW Corporate. He appologized for not having the announcements hit the Cam lists, and said he'd take care of it today. My hope is that it will hit tonight, and by Sunday I'll have 100 applicants to choose from. From there I'll choose 15 (that will suck, but be a good artistic challenge) to shoot. I have budget for 17. But I want to do 15 in the first round.I got a thumbs up for convincing TG models, Handicappped models and Pregnant models. Way to go WW... as it should be. I get to decide based on everyones aesthetics, not just of "standard" aesthetics, which makes me happy.Now, on with life.Yesterday was lovely. I had lunch with ToreyG and Big Daddy Yum Yum as they breezed through town on their road trip. We discussed the possibility of Big Daddy taking over my lease if Furry and I move (50% chance, it will be staying here in the PDX Metro area, details only to be announced if they happen). Then off to Lamb's house.Lamb's BDay was a bit over a week ago, when I was up in Seattle. We decided to make yeatserday a BDay party for the 2 of us. We spent the afternoon doing art: we formalized the 5-piece GoddessScape series we're working on for Seattle Erotic Art Festival. I'm excited. They're gorgeous.Then off to the New Seasons Market to shop, shop, and shop for dinner. Yum. We made italian style stir-fry with hand-made sausages and garlic cheese bread. Black Calla Lillies and green spider mums on the table. Candles. Romance.Then... our scene. Warning, the following entry discusses water sports and scat play. Please do not read if you are offended by such things.The Scene- an adventure of the sensesIf someone had told me a few years ago that I would be preparing a spread on a table that featured:-2 kinds of cheese, very pungent-apricot spread-peanut butter-fire roasted hot peppers-tiramisu-marionberry cheesecake-white choclate coconut-my own shit-white grape juice-water-dr. pepper with jabanero sauce in it-a wine glass of my urine-a wine glass of his urine...I would have probably called you off your rocker. Some sort fo macabre fantasy for sure. But there I was. Beautiful linens. Candles. Flowers. Silence.I stripped him nude and slipped a pair of diapers lest he accidentally make a mess. Drop cloths in case he vomited.He didn't. I'm very proud of him for that. My one and only time eating some else's scat, I vomited. My own was frightening and horrid, it ripped away my humanity, it reduced me to a thing... but I didn't vomit.I blindfolded him and bound him in leather and chains to the chair before the scat and piss were on the table. I then unblindfolded him after preparing the dishes (which feels very odd, sitting on the toilet trying to shit into a crystal bowl), and laid them before him as he took it all in. Then blindfold back on...OpenHe struggled to open his mouth with fear of what might come first. Tiramisu. I laughed. Loudly.OpenPeanut butter... the texture throwing him offOpenThe process continued until I was holding forkfut after forkful in front of him- letting him smell peppers as I put cheese in his mouth, smell my cat as he ate apricot preserves. When it finally entered his mouth he shut down. His body locked down. He almost went limp. He randomly convulsed, faced with the reality of what he was doing, what was happening to him, what he was.He wanted to be my toilet. He wants to be part of my cycle. To have everything from me become part of him. It's spiritual. Let me become greater for I am above the earth. Let none of me touch the ground. He makes me into his Goddess. I am his morning goddess. In the morning I sat with him as he sculpted his morning goddess.OpenHe opened up after he'd chewed me down, and I washed away the taste with fire peppers and nasty combos of drinks. I fed him like a baby bird, chewing his food for him. I fed him like a brat, stuffing his mouth too full till he could bareley close his mouth.This all went on for almost an hour. He rode it all in waves, his body shaking. Food, delicious cakes, horrid combos, and then, washed down with piss, and consumed to the core with my scat. He became my toilet. He was served the remnents of my body from fine china...This all terrifies me. What I will do and can become for another. I have had people confess some very dark desires to me, and I can make their desires my own by force of love and association, and now I find myself desiring dark things. That I will and can become more and at the same time less than I ever thought. I fear loosing me.And yet- I don't. I come home today and am happy being me. Lamb and I woke from our slumbers and ate toast with blue cheese. We kissed. We talked about friends, folks leaving town, facing demons. I looked at his diapers and thought of the ones he'd soiled with his cum and my spit the night before as I sat atop his face. It was all, as it was supposed to be.I can still love normally. In fact, I feel that because I face my fears and charge at desire in all its forms I'm becoming stronger and more sure of the diversity present in my soul, and come to appreciate "vanilla" sexuality all the more... as just another flavor to be savored- not looked upon as "less" like a lot of folks I know in the BDSM scene seem to.Hm. Much to ponder. But for now- email and cleaning, then to work on todays website update.