A question asked, and answered... (includes info on the Life Art Project/Wake)

A student of mine asked:I see these self portraits of you and wonder- how did you get to be so comfortable showing so much in an image? How did you get to be so comfortable sexually?My answer:When I was 11 or 12 years old, I went to a gallery show at the Seattle Art Museum- it may have been the Bellevue Art Museum. The show was a man's life retrospective- with his sketched done as a kid, to his realism period, post impressionism period, etc... through to his sketches made on his deathbed dying of cancer. Along with his art were these pieces of his life- journal entries, letters from lovers, etc.I decided I wanted to do that, but did not want to copy him. I decided to start tracking my sexual evolution, as I realized though there were first person accounts *after the fact* about being sexual throughout ones life, there were not stories about being 13 by a 13 year old and stories by the same human at 50 about being 50. I decided that would be me.I'm now 17 years or so into the project. I sometimes refer to it as my "Life Art Project," and right now, chapter 1, aka the Bridgett Harrington years, is being worked on as the "Wake Project."How does that relate? Its one of those which came first questions. Did I want to do the project because I was kinky, sexual, etc... or did I do more extreme stuff and examine my sexual life more because of the project? I ask myself that every once in a while and there has not been an answer. I've never gotten as obsessed as Natasha Merritt who did a similar project a few years back called Digital Diaries- but she started it at 22 and ended it at 25... cop out, but fascinating read.I got willing to be more comfortable in front of the lens because in my identity as an artist I made a commitment to myself. If I was in this for the long haul (I have made friends swear oaths to save the project if I go crazy born-again) then I'd have to get used to it. Maybe it was the project, maybe not, but I think that porn intersects with it all too... that being in front of the camera for a living helps a lot in being able to be more raw. Plus my experience being behind the lens.I guess it boils down to experience. Its hard, clumsy, acquard the first time you do almost anything. But then you have the stress of "first time" out of the way and you can try again. And again. And if you take 1,000 images eventually you get one good one even if by "luck." And if you get 1,000 good ones you can get great ones. And once you are used to creating greatness, it comes more often because its part skill, part self-demand, part knowing that you can do it instead of doubting yourself.