Bodies We Have and the Passions We Hold - July Newsletter
Hello Beautiful Beings,
In Denver the weather is 93 degrees and sweat rolls from down my sides and arms in thin rivulets. Shade feels like mana from heaven, and waiting for a bus, then a train, then another bus is a rollercoaster from sun to air conditioning and back again.
I don't drive. Initially as a teen it was a spiritual vow, but nowadays it is practical - I have seizures, Ménière's disease (and its random vertigo gift), memory challenges (falling 2 floors at 10 weeks old and other head trauma over the years... plus perhaps long covid), and tremors which make me drop objects that make me not feel safe doing an array of activities. These combined with many other disabilities make me catching buses or a lot of money on Ubers that fiscally add up the right choice.
However, except when my joints slip out or my back has issues and I can't physically go very far without assistance (human or wheelchair), my disabilities are invisible. I'm a seemingly able bodied man in his 40s flashing a disability card to get discount transit rates and end up with the side eye from folks with visible disabilities and random humans alike. They can't see my migraines. They don't see my allergies that make me unable to touch an array of often common materials (unless I did and I have rashes or eczema on my face, hands, arm, and more). They don't see my mood swings and anxiety that even with handfuls of meds can lead to hiding so folks don't trigger an outburst.
I share this because July is Disability Pride Month. Originally set to commemorate the Americans with Disabilities Act in 1990, nowadays it is used as a chance to celebrate the contributions individuals with disabilities have made to culture and the world at large, to bring awareness to the array of disabilities in the world, to create visibility... and to share how fucking sexy disabled people are.
That's right, sexy. Folks mis-think I mean fetishizing people with disabilities. No. I am talking about the fact that folks with disabilities are so often infantilized and have their sexuality stripped from them.
When I had a play partner with elephantantiasis and I posted a picture of him next to a massage table where his wheelchair was pulled up and the legs of his lover in heels were shown framing each side of his head I was told it was repulsive because people in chairs shouldn't be used as sex objects. He was hot, and his sexiness was being celebrated. But the person commenting couldn't imagine him, in his body, with his realities, being sexual - let alone celebrated in his sexuality.
One of the fantastic people speaking out about how sexy disabled people can be and ARE is Andrew Gurza. The host of the Disability After Dark podcast (which continues with Andrew Gurza’s patreon over here), he was the organizer of the first ever disabled-only sex party. He is fighting against ableism as a sexuality activist, and I love his work... because following his Instagram has me multiple times a year have to look my own internalized ableism in the face and call it out on it's bull shit.
I came to realize that I was hiding my disabilities to make my kink knowledge, information, and play palatable or acceptable. I literally taught a rope class at Shibaricon where every 15-30 minutes I excused myself to vomit then come back to class because I was unwilling to let my migraines and other issues stop me from following through on my commitments as a "good rigger." However, when I sat in a chair and taught bondage by ordering my bottom to move on a day my joints were out, rather than me moving around them, folks got completely new ideas of what it can look like to be a "good rigger." There is no one way to be a good rigger... and? It's a myth. We are all beautiful and imperfect riggers, disabled or otherwise.
Over the years I've had a chance to interact as a rigger/rope tier with so many amazing people. Getting to tie friends in wheelchairs. Friends after strokes. Strangers who needed back support. People whose autism made different forms of communication needed. Lovers who are deaf. Students who are blind.
None of these needs to make play impossible. But? It does make some things not accessible to some of us. That specific play partner mentioned above would never throw a whip, and pretending otherwise and saying "everything can be modified" just isn't true for some things, and pretending otherwise can be infantilizing too. I say specific though because everyone's experience is unique.
Disabled people deserve access to pleasure.
In showing our vulnerability, in celebrating who we are as people with disabilities, I have found it gives permission to folks to be vulnerable. Pleasure takes vulnerability. Saying "grab a pillow so we can prop up my hip" without an I'm sorry attached lets my lover say "I'm going to grab some water, hold on." And talking about days that are hard like I did here on my Instagram and TokTok lets folks not feel alone.
Celebrate your pleasure. Celebrate your partner's pleasure. Find the array of pleasure that exists. Decentralize some of your assumptions of what pleasure looks like too - let's not just fetishize a few body parts that look a specific way on specific bodies.
Pleasure also includes conversation.
When not able to sit up, or needing to be in low light, I tell people wanting to talk to me the facts and they want to reschedule. But, talking with Todd at Subspace Exploration Project, he said no, I'm game. If you feel good enough to be on the show, be on the show where you are at.
So, check out below. We had a rich discussion about red flags in kink venues... and I was on my side in low light. We worked with what we had. Audio is imperfect compared to their other episodes, but who cares. They made space for reality and pleasure - and in that, I celebrate Disability Pride Month.
Much love,
Lee Harrington
Subspace Exploration Project
Lee discusses safe kink venues, the red and green flags to look out for, in addition to being accommodated for the realities of his disabilities during the podcast.
What you're missing over on Patreon
In the past few weeks, I have had a chance to connect with my Patrons regularly through:
Power Exchange, Sacredness, and Spirituality Vetting for MAsT PDX
Beyond 50 Shades Free Sample Book
Simplest Toybag Video
Complex Desires Essay
Gender Reassignment Video Interview
"Buy yourself flowers, simply because they're beautiful & you deserve beauty in your life." - Karen Salmansohn
Get your copy of Become Your Own Beloved
Outfront Magazine
Lee discusses authenticity, kink, Grindr, and vanilla sex with the folks at OFM
Lee's Resources
July is Disability Pride Month! Here are some free resources Lee has to offer from his own work and lived experience as a person with disabilities and others in the community.
"Rather than only changing your language and practices when you have someone you know to be trans or nonbinary in the space, establish inclusion and affirmation as the norm for your ritual space or community."
-Susan Harper
Upcoming Appearances
Invocations, Evocations, & Shapeshifting for Rituals and Beyond
June 30th, 2024
11a-1p
Available online worldwide to Patreon Subscribers at the Passion level and higher
What's your Fetish? Exploring Fetishes and Intense Desires
July 15th, 2024
6-8p PT
Available online worldwide to Patreon Subscribers at the Passion level and higher
Patron Salon: Ask Me Anything and Social Connection
August 15, 2024
6-8p PT
Available online worldwide to Patreon Subscribers at the Passion level and higher
To check out all my further scheduled classes and intensives throughout the year (and more being added regularly), visit my Upcoming Appearances page to learn more. To enjoy further free material from me, consider joining me on Patreon where I share weekly resources, monthly classes, and more :)
Much love to you all and see you soon!
Yours in Passion and Soul,
Lee Harrington
http://www.PassionAndSoul.com
