PS053- Condoms, Questions and Reproductive Choices

Nov 10

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Episode: https://shows.acast.com/660e243b2f834f0017de9181/episodes/660e2440acbcaf00174d992a

Having been asked about making a decision around vasectomies, Lee journeys into the choices available to men to actively participate in birth control and safer sex practices. In this podcast we examine choosing the right condom for you, up and coming technologies, making decisions about our bodies, and notions that these questions are not just for men, but for all of us.

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Lee:
Hello fellow adventurers of sexuality and spirit, and welcome to the Passion And Soul Podcast with Lee Harrington of passionandsoul.com.
I'm having this podcast come out a few days late because it has been crazy here at my beautiful little office space up in Anchorage, Alaska.
I'm, for people who weren't following along with life about nine months ago, I did a big Indiegogo campaign for my books Shabari You Can Use and more Shabari You Can Use to bring them out into print in a full-color project all updated.
Really exciting.
And I'm moving along with it now at full clip with printers and distributors and making all of the magic happen.
And the past two weeks have been pretty immersive.
Immersive is a good word for it in that direction.
So I apologize for running a few days late with the podcast.
I hope you all understand.
Today's podcast is going to be discussing something that I had sent into me from my Ask Lee forum.
For people who don't know about this, you can send an email to lee, L-E-E, at passionandsoul.com with the subject line Ask Lee and Your Topic.
And I try to get to those that I can either in my blog or on here on a podcast or whatnot.
And today is one of those from a reader of ours, M.
Dear Lee, I've been struggling with the topic of safe or safer sex with myself for a while now.
Traditionally, I always use a condom, and I still do to this day for just about everything.
During the act of intercourse and due to the thickness of my dick, most condoms don't necessarily fit that well and often at often times slip after I've ejaculated.
This sort of scares me sometimes and makes me wonder if one of these days I'll accidentally get someone pregnant because of a condom that's slipping off.
For the longest time, I've been struggling with the idea of birth control being for the woman only and there really isn't much for men other than a vasectomy.
I sort of feel like it's my responsibility as an active individual in a sexual community to not always rely on a condom or birth control because a woman may not necessarily like the pill every day or get the shots or whatever form of contraception they're wanting to use.
Recently, I went to a urologist and talked with the urologist about getting a vasectomy.
I wasn't turned down and once I finished talking with the doctor, I had to take a step back and ask myself if I wanted to go through with this.
I haven't had kids and I don't know if I really want to have kids.
Having listened to many of your podcasts and knowing that you went through a hysterectomy but not knowing whether or not it was for medical reasons to have it, it's not sort of makes me wonder if getting a vasectomy is the right decision for me.
I don't have any medical conditions that really warrants me getting it done other than the fact that I don't want to have a chance of accidentally practicing pregnancy because one of my partners doesn't like to be on birth control or because it makes her feel weird.
I guess my question to you is what were your thoughts possessing or reasoning behind your hysterectomy getting done?
I just want to do the right thing and do my partner and do my part, and I've had people tell me that it was crazy for thinking about doing something like this.
I just feel so conflicted about getting this operation done because I want to do it for the right reasons.
Anyway, I would love to hear back from you, and I really appreciate everything you've done on your podcast thus far.
Sincerely, Em.
I've got to say first thank you, Em, for writing in with this really touching podcast.
It's such a touching piece because it wouldn't surprise me if there's other people listening who are challenged by this question as well because the notion of any sort of elective operation is a tricky one, as is the topic of safer sex in general.
It gets discussed a lot and has been discussed in the entirety of the way that I've been living in the last 35 years or so, that idea that it seems to be the woman's job to make sure that if you're doing anything other than condoms, that it's her job to make sure that her pregnancy concerns are taken care of, whether it's the pill or the shot, a diaphragm or using various forms of spermicide, whatever it might be, and that it's a guy's job to carry condoms.
Now, in the past 20 years, I've been sexually active now for about 20, a little more, I should say, and I have watched there be a shift in the empowerment of women carrying condoms and demanding the use of condoms.
And I'm not just saying women as inferring that all sex is heterocentric, but the idea and the question around pregnancy is predominantly in that direction, though it is important to note that couples, that are gay male couples, were one of the partner who is a bottom, perhaps, or a receptive partner is transsexual, that those men can get pregnant as well, and that needs to be kept in mind during these kinds of discussions as well, because very few trans men, it seems, want to have the active discussion around these issues, and getting on hormones that are estrogen-based for trans men when they are on testosterone and trying to suppress estrogen become their own difficulty and challenge along the way too.
For men, in the conversation, there tends to be a few different options.
One option that gets discussed is the common one, which is the condom.
Now, condoms come in lots of different shapes and sizes.
And I hear what you're saying around the question of, well, my cock is really girthy and it cuts in.
And so it can roll off after I ejaculate, but if there's been a girthy cock that's been held on it, basically the ring of the condom ends up acting like a really intense cock ring and cutting in.
And so that when the cock goes flaccid at all, the cock ring slips off and it's not held in the same way that it might be for other guys.
People, it's a technique that can be considered, that people use, is that after ejaculation, to hold on to reach down to the base of your cock and hold on to that ring when pulling out.
Now, whether this is somebody who's girthy or not, condoms can slip off during the removal period.
And so holding on to that cock ring, holding it on, like that roll that comes down at the base, and holding on to it and holding it against the person with the external genitalia's body, holding on to that and pulling out will reduce the chance of slippage.
Another thing to consider is making sure that it's a condom that fits.
I had a lover of mine who was well endowed, and fairly significantly so, and condoms were not always comfortable for the reasons that you were discussing, that even the extra large condoms would end up cutting into him sometimes because of the shape of how he was laid out in his body.
And that's not to say that he was better with his bits in any way, shape or form.
He's a lovely individual, but what's really exciting about whatever genitals you have is do you know how to use them in a way that makes you happy and your partner happy?
Because I know people who say, oh, she's too tight, she's too loose, he doesn't know how to contract down with his ass, oh, you know, they love big cock, they love small cock.
Actually, there's a number of people who like people and have response based on how much padding they have in their mons pubis area and how much it can be able to ride up against their clitoris, perhaps.
Or somebody that has a girthy cock but is short might be desirable by some people's bodies, or a thin cock that's fairly long because it doesn't end up pulling open the body quite as much.
Everybody has different preferences, and different people have different desires on how to have the genitals that are being used with them on their body.
So it's something to keep in mind when you're talking with people is not necessarily saying, Hey baby, do you like my big cock?
Perhaps it's saying things like, Hey, what kind of sex do you like?
Because if you're somebody who's fairly long and your partner wants to ride on top of you, perhaps that's an opportunity for them to control how deep you go into them.
Or if they're somebody who's fairly shallow and you have a fairly long cock or dick or clit on a stick, if you happen to be a trans woman who has exciting external genitalia that she gets to use.
If you are having external genitalia that you're inserting into an orifice, being in doggy style or having somebody lay on their back on the edge of a bed or a massage table, you can control how deeply you go into them.
So that's another thing to consider as well.
So with condoms on his body, it was tricky.
And then we went together to a condom shop and found a company from, I believe they were from Amsterdam, and that they were an extra wide condom.
And we were like, oh, we're used to seeing extra large condoms, but they're both large and long.
And this was something that worked really well on his body.
And we went, oh, that's really cool.
And we found a company that fit on his body.
If you look on the show notes, you'll see that there's a lot of different condoms out there, a lot of different styles, whether it's the Safer Sex Store, which is s3safexstore.com, condommania.com, allcondoms.com, condomjungle.com, undercovercondoms.com.
If you look on these sites or others, you'll see that there's a lot of brands out there, but you're going to run into, all across the web, you're going to run into the big brands, Durex, Lifestyles, Trojan, etc., the ones that have a big advertising budget.
But dig around and you're going to see other brands as well.
Within every brand, you're going to find some language you might not be aware of.
So if you see things that say snugger fit, those are usually built for people who have a thinner girth to their cock.
And so if you are someone who perhaps has an Asian heritage, or are someone, and it's not to say all people who have an Asian heritage have thinner cocks, it is simply a larger percentage than other parts of the population.
And Indian, and actually to be honest, let's just say if you have a thinner cock period, let's not even talk about ethnicity.
Though I bring that up specifically because when I was in China, snugger fit condoms were in a large number of the vending machines that were there.
And I've got to say, I love the fact that there's vending machines in the middle of streets in China where you can buy condoms.
Mind you, the one that I saw that struck me the most was this one that I didn't get a photo of, unfortunately.
It had a black basketball player with a giant Afro dribbling a ball holding a brand of Chinese brand condoms.
I'm like, that's interesting.
I'm not entirely sure what they're saying there, but that's interesting.
And when I bought these Chinese condoms from that specific company, they were all thinner girth condoms, the entire line of them.
So if you see the snugger fit condoms, they're referring for people who have a thinner, thinner cock, or who like a snugger fit and are mid-range girth size.
So if you are someone who is on the girthier range, this is important to know because I know people who will buy snugger fit condoms thinking they're just going to hold on better.
And what ends up happening is they end up cutting in in a way that is uncomfortable, or as this person has brought up, will perhaps roll off after ejaculation.
Keep that in mind when you're shopping.
You're going to run into things that say large or extra large.
Do not buy these condoms if you are someone who is mid-range in size.
It's not going to impress anyone if the condom falls off when you're having really enthusiastic sex.
It's really not.
It might seem kind of snazzy.
Oh, look, I wear a Trojan extra large.
You know what?
It's actually not impressive.
It's impressive if you have a condom that fits you perfectly, that you can wear on you perfectly.
If you can say to your lover, you know what?
I've tried a lot of different condoms on at home, and this one fits me like a glove, and I want to be able to fit you like a glove.
Have you fit me like a glove, I should say.
That you want this to be an excellent thing for them, and you don't want to be worrying about whether this condom is going to have any challenges while we are being with each other.
So look on these different websites, and look at not just how thin something is, but how long something is.
Look at the shape of it.
Are you circumcised or not circumcised?
Because if you're not circumcised, you're going to want something perhaps that has a swirl end to it or a wider end to it, and putting even a little tiny drop of lube in the tip can help that be more comfortable.
And make sure that that's a water-based lube, not a silicone lube, because silicone lubes getting up inside the foreskin can cause a lot of irritation for some people that I've talked to.
I don't know if that's across the board, but I do know some people that's been unfortunate because you can't just wash silicone out of there easily.
Silicone lubricant out from underneath the foreskin.
In general, actually, taking a tiny drop, and we're not talking about dribbling a whole lot in, but a tiny drop into the tip of the condom can help that also be more comfortable, more sensation based in general.
Remember when you're rolling it on to squeeze the tip of the condom, as you're rolling it up so there is room for the cum to go when you do ejaculate.
And if you are someone who is helping your lover roll that condom on with your hand to enthusiastically participate in this experience, or if you are more pessimistic to make sure your condom is, your partner is actually wearing a condom.
I don't like to say that, but having been at a bath house where somebody tried to pull that on me once, I just say it out loud now, that if you are involved in this, you can squeeze the tip, you can put a little bit of lube on their cock in advance while you're giving them a hand job before sliding that condom on, can make that more pleasurable.
Now note that I said the tip of the head, not the shaft.
Make sure that the shaft is moderately dry so that the condom, again, holds on.
One of the reasons I bring that up is because the condom can slip off if the cum then disperses around the cock instead of going into that reservoir tip.
And having a more open or swirl head can give more room if you know that you are somebody who has a larger than average amount of production when you ejaculate.
Because everybody has a slightly different amount.
You get to know yourself, whether it's engaging sexually with a partner or putting a condom on and then masturbating using a lubed up hand, or putting a condom on and lubing up a masturbatory sleeve of some sort, like a flush light, for example.
Because I know a number of people who use condoms based on the color of the packaging.
Come on, people, just stop.
Yes, for example, one brand condoms has really catchy images.
And I recently picked up a handful of condoms at a place because they were all Alaska-themed, and they had like fishing lures on them and like the beaver hunter.
Okay, it's all well and good and it's clever.
And if you're at least going to carry a condom, that's great.
But think about ahead of time the shape of your body, but also your realities.
That if you are somebody who is prone towards an earlier ejaculation, there are condoms out there that have what's called climax control.
And what they're meaning by that is there's a minor desensitizing agent in it.
But I bring those up because I was at a BDSM conference a couple of years ago, and I looked down and in the basket was Performax directs condoms.
Performax sounds like you're maximizing your performance.
It's a climax control condom.
If you are someone that it takes a while to come when you are wearing a condom because you feel that you don't get as much sensation using them, a Performax condom is not going to aid you in that experience to say the least.
It's not.
You need to look for condoms that are micro thin or extra feeling.
There are some that have warming agents that some people find to be really pleasurable or extra sensation, whatever it might be.
So look at the languaging and then test them out to see if it's actually good for you.
Don't surprise you or your lover with a warming brand or extra sensation condom for the first time without letting them know because there are some people who have allergic reactions to these things.
With spermicides, for example, condoms with spermicides, Ninoxinol 9 is actually an industrial cleaning agent.
If you are using a Ninoxinol 9 brand condom, combining it with anal sex, it actually breaks down pretty fast and has a higher likelihood of a condom breakage.
I encourage people personally not to use Ninoxinol 9 brand condoms and to really consider what your spermicides are made out of if you're going to use them at all.
Condoms can not just be based on length and girth and whatnot, but there are also what's referred to as female condoms, also known as bottoms condoms in the gay men's community, that they are condoms that you can insert into an orifice ahead of time and be able to have somebody use.
The newer variations, if you only tried out female condoms when they first came out and heard reviews of such things like, it's like fucking a Ziploc baggie, the newer versions, the version 3s, are a much more pleasurable experience.
Now, the thing to remember though on condoms is that depending on the rate you're looking at of effectiveness, they range in effectiveness between 80% and 98% based on the various things you see online.
The 98% is, quote, proper use.
80% is actual use because the number of people who don't pinch their tip or who roll on their condom inside and out, take it off and put it back on because they had it inside and out and there was already a little bit of sperm on their precom, or who had a condom break because they got the wrong size or because they weren't using any lube on somebody whose production of their body didn't have any lube.
So, for example, people who are having anal sex and not using lube, lube is your friend, people.
Or perhaps you are using an oil-based lubricant.
All of these things takes down the likelihood of your condom's success.
So make sure to use a new condom each time you have sex.
Make sure to use a non-latex condom if you're allergic to latex.
Try things out, right?
So male condoms are one option for men to be able to be actively involved in their usage, in their safer sex practice usage.
Now, I'm looking right now at the reproductiveaccess.org's fact sheet on birth control options for men.
And interestingly, so they list them by percentages for the regularly used one and the one they list as 99 plus percent is the vasectomy.
This is because what you're doing is going in and having the vas deferens, the cord that goes from the balls and sperm production all the way up into the cock and then out.
That's being surgically snipped and sealed.
And that reason it's not 100 percent is because there are that handful of human beings who have reported people getting who have reported that they impregnated somebody after they've had their bit snipped.
Perhaps those sperm are just really, really excited.
Perhaps that one sealing job of the cauterization wasn't done as effectively as it could be.
So there's lots of different things that could happen in those situations.
Now, that's, so it's pretty effective because it's an actual surgical procedure, as you mentioned.
The condom, male condom is then listed as 85 to 98.
The withdrawal method, also known as pulling out, as being 73 to 95 percent effective.
And what they mean by that is pulling your penis out of the vagina before ejaculation.
So having sex and before you know you're going to come, pulling out and coming on our tits.
Now, that's all well and good, right?
Actually, it's not well and good because, well, 73 percent, A.
And B, how to say this?
So the vasectomy and the withdrawal method and spermicide and all those things, do not deal with the issue of pregnancy, but do not look, do not even consider the issue of STDs and STIs.
So in the current age of, you know, HIV and hepatitis C, and then, of course, all of the exciting gonorrhea and chlamydia that are getting more and more resistant to drugs, resistant strain gonorrhea, good stuff.
Herpes, the gift that keeps on giving, you know, like herpes is with you for life, folks, once it's there.
So all of these things aren't even looked at with those things.
Only barrier methods take care of those concerns, and even they are not perfect.
Thus, the fact that I love the language you used of safer sex methods.
If you are only with one person and you have both gotten tested and then waited three months, gotten tested again with no other sexual partners in between, and therefore have had the clearing period for modern tests for HIV and hepatitis C, with an awareness that there are still some things that can be false negatives.
So be aware that it's not perfect.
I personally encourage people to have had two, three-month rounds of testing before making such decisions to not use barriers at all.
If one even chooses to ever do that, some people are simply 100% players who will only ever use condoms, gloves, and dental dams with every single person they play with, even if it's for years.
That does not make them bad people.
And as a note, saying so, oh, can we ever not use barriers, it's a barrier between us, etc., etc., is stigmatizing for people who live with HIV or hepatitis C and are choosing to be responsible sexual explorers, and infers that they are somehow lesser than or that they will always, quote, have an emotional barrier between you and them because of an STD that they have for whatever reason they have it.
That is stigmatizing, and it can cause challenges with people even wanting to share their realities.
When you tell someone, I play the same way with everyone, it doesn't matter, and then that person says, oh, good, that's because I'm HIV-positive, and I'm glad to hear you just play with everybody that way, and then you say, you know what, never mind, I'm going to change how I play.
That causes emotional pain, and it's just kind of a douchebag move, or a douche canoe move, right?
A douchebag is useful if you're going to have a lot of anal sex.
So if, or just clean anal sex, I should say, or cleaner.
I, as a good note, also, the language of clean, are you clean, infers that people are dirty, again, stigma, folks, stigma.
So it's something to keep in mind that people do use the withdrawal method, and it is something that men can assist with.
If you are somebody who is, your partner is, for example, on a hormonally based birth control, and you also want to assist because you're even more concerned beyond them being on that, you can add this on as an extra layer, as it were.
And I mentioned the female condom, and then the last one they mentioned is spermicide on here, which comes in creams, gels, sponges, foams, inserts, films, et cetera.
So that's a lot of options there, right?
I should say, no, not a lot of options.
That's only five, right?
So I decided to dig around, and I came up with a website that I think is really interesting called newmailcontraception.org, and they look at the research of what else is happening out there beyond those five options, because that's all well and good, but it's not options.
And so they ran through a couple that I thought were interesting.
One is called RISUG, which comes in a couple of different brand names of different people and companies that are testing this stuff out.
So RISUG stands for reversible inhibition of sperm under guidance.
For people who have been reading like The Daily Beast and whatnot, you would have seen a recent article on Vasalgel, V-I-S-A-L-G-E-L, which has had a high amount of success in the baboon population, and they've only in the last year and a half or so begun testing on humans, and they're hoping to have it out in 2016 or so.
So, Reisig, you know, The Daily Beast argued that it was like saying that it was basically a temporary vasectomy.
It's not the same though.
A vasectomy actually stops the sperm from coming out at all.
Reisig, what it does is that when there's an injection of a gel into the vas deferens, and as the sperm pass through that injection area, through that gel, it ends up sterilizing those sperm, right?
And so it's argued that it's a reversible vasectomy.
It's not the same.
But what it does is that it has a short term to it, right?
You're supposed to go back and get this done every three months, every six months, depending upon what you're looking at.
And so you've got to go back and redo it, which means you've got to stay on it, right?
It's like women who are on the shot, right?
You've got to remember to go back and get it done every time you need the shot.
You can't let it lapse.
You can't say, oh, I'll get it done next week.
Actually, no, you can't.
It's better to have a slight overlap than it is to have any sort of break in between because it becomes non-effective.
And in some cases, you have to have that same build up period back to it to have it be effective.
So keep that in mind that the RISUG method, their hope, and the RISUG is the brand name for it right now in India with the testing.
Vasogel is the version of it that's being tested in the United States.
There's other FAST-based methods that are out there that they're hoping to debut in the next couple of years.
And I'm sorry, Em, it's not out right now, but it's something to consider that if you're making that decision on whether or not you want to have a vasectomy, if you're even thinking that you want to have it reversed, reversals can cost the thousands of dollars and are not 100% guaranteed to happen because you've cauterized your vas deferens, and it's not perfectly assured that you're going to be able to reattach the tube to itself.
It doesn't always work.
So if you're even considering that, it might be worthwhile to consider other options until this technology comes out, assuming the technology does.
Now, mind you, it hasn't been, it hasn't gone through all its tests and then hasn't been approved beyond that, nor do we know if it's going to be covered by what health insurance is.
If you're getting your stuff provided through health insurance, since we don't know those pieces yet, it is worthwhile considering.
Now, there is a couple of the things that the Male Contraception Information Project mentions.
There's a piece called The Heat Method, which involves different things around keeping the balls in more of a heated area.
It was argued that I was looked into, some of this was looked at because of, you know, stuff going back a long time, but with wearing of really tight underpants, that people were having a lower sperm production, and that they were finding that this is a positive for people who don't want to have children, and a negative for people who are trying to reproduce.
So for people out there who are trying to get pregnant on purpose, wear loose fitting cotton underpants.
Don't wear the tight jeans.
Go back to wearing slacks for a while.
Like, let's look at this.
There was even in the book Bonk, there was a really interesting review of a study that had been done by this guy out of Egypt.
What he did is he looked at sperm production on exactly this question, cotton pants versus polyester pants.
So he made little tiny pants for rats.
He made little tiny pants for rats.
And he made the rats wear them and then had tested the sperm count on ejaculating rats.
I love wacky science, right?
I really do.
And I love the idea that some guy out there paid for rats to wear polyester pants.
Now, the heat methods, and there were various technologies that were being looked at, and they're not going very far as far as what's being reliable as far as reversibility of the methods, that they're looking at doing things other than wearing tight pants, obviously.
And it's not a good idea.
I'm not saying it's good to have people not get pregnant by wearing tight pants, right?
Don't go there with this discussion.
But I'm just saying that there are some technologies that are trying to be evolved around heat and around ultrasound technology.
So those might be interesting to look at in the future of what's going to come out.
There was also a pill that was developed by some professors at Oxford out in London at Oxford University.
I believe they're Oxford University.
And what they called King's College of London, and they're now at Oxford University, that they came a thing called the Clean Sheets Method, or the Clean Sheets Pill, excuse me, that they developed a pill that stopped ejaculation, period.
Men would feel all of the sensory effects of cumming, but didn't ejaculate.
And one of the hopes was that this would create safer anal sex practices for people who weren't going to wear condoms, because there wouldn't be any cum, or very, very little, right, because you have nothing but that tiny bit of pre-cum, and if you jerk that out ahead of time and whatnot, again, lower risks, there's no such thing as safe sex, just safer sex.
And so one of the things that they did was develop this pill, and they're not getting full funding, and one of the concerns for it, looking into it a little bit, I didn't do a lot of deep research on this one, is that they're concerned that men aren't going to enjoy it, and partners of people aren't going to enjoy it, that there's no ejaculate, that that is one of the things that some people enjoy about sex, is the cum.
There are some people who find it very messy, and don't like messy, and don't want ejaculate in different places, and don't like the fact that they do ejaculate, etc.
But there is a part of the population that does really enjoy the ejaculatory experience, who loves the visual of it, or loves saying things like, ooh baby, I'm going to cum on you, etc.
And so the clean sheets method isn't, the clean sheets pill isn't a good fit for them.
The Indonesian pill, there's a genderasa, genderasa, I believe it's called.
There's a naturopathic pill out of Indonesia that is showing some different things around sperm killing.
In general, I would go check out Male Contraception Information Project.
They've got some really interesting information.
So I think that's worthwhile.
With that all said, though, Emma, vasectomies are a surgical procedure.
They are not guaranteed to be reversible.
And there are concerns for some people around infection that happens sometimes in other minor surgical complications, because anytime you have even elective minor surgery, complications can happen.
It is incredibly admirable that you are considering doing this, because you don't want to have somebody get pregnant at an unwanted time.
And there is a difference between an unplanned pregnancy and an unwanted pregnancy, because there are people in committed relationships who didn't expect to have a baby now, but are excited when it shows up, as compared to people who never wanted to get pregnant or bringing children into the world that will not be cared for in any form of loving, compassion and joy.
And that's a tough thing, and I admire you.
My own reasons for having a hysterectomy are varied, and are not based on contraception questions.
They are based on a number of other things.
And so I don't think it necessarily applies to this specific question.
For you, I would look down at a number of different things, and look at a pros and cons list.
A pro list, what would a vasectomy give you?
A high percentage rates, you would get less concern in those situations, but they don't take care of STDs, so you might be using multiple methods at the same time.
Is that a pro for you, or is that a con?
Weigh that out for yourself.
For some people, having a vasectomy has led to making different decisions than they might around their safer sex practices.
Will you make choices for yourself that aren't healthy?
Where are your pros and cons with this specific question?
Because you are the one who lives your life.
Have you tried out the other options?
Do you know if your condoms fit?
Have you gotten to enjoy all of them in a wide variety of different options?
I love when people sit down and really consider what it is that they're doing with their bodies and why.
Are you doing this for you?
Are you doing this for a partner?
Are you doing it for both?
For some people in committed long-term relationships, it was argued in an essay that I got to read recently, an article I should say, that there was a lot of people talking in some of their blog research kind of stuff and in various online discussions around women who wanted their long-term partners or husbands or whatnot to have a vasectomy because they didn't want them to, they already have two children, they don't want anybody else to be pregnant by their husband or have their husband leave them and go have a second family or whatever it might be.
And for one partner to stay fertile and the other partner to not be fertile anymore is a question around where people's lines are.
Because a vasectomy is not, quote, just a plug.
It's having that, it's a form of sterilization.
And that's a serious thing to consider on whether you want to do it.
Now, mind you, do I know people who are like, nope, don't want kids, don't ever want kids, I'm still going to be using other forms of stuff to make sure I don't have problems with STDs, but I don't even want to consider that.
I don't want that to even come in the picture.
Who happily have vasectomies and never look back with great joy?
Absolutely.
And it is worth considering that if you have a vasectomy, if years from now somebody says, oh, I wish you hadn't had one, we could maybe have children, consider for yourself whether a reversal is what you want.
Because making either of these decisions to have a procedure of any sort, this is not just for men.
The question is for everyone across the board.
Having a procedure of some sort for someone else is very different than having a procedure for you.
You can choose to make your decisions for you based on information that partners or friends provide.
Based on all of the information in front of you, you need to make your decision for your body.
This is your body, and you get to live with it for the rest of your life.
Thank you so much, M, for writing in with this question and for bringing this question to light.
There's going to be a lot of links in the show notes to all these different things that I cited and to a lot of different condom companies.
I've got to mention one more thing I didn't get to that I really appreciate over here in my notes that I have.
With condoms, I forgot to mention Corripa and My Size condoms.
Corripa and My Size.
Both of these are what's called custom size or custom measured condoms where you can download and print out their measuring guide where you literally are creating little tiny measuring tapes for when you are at full expansion.
And you measure the girth and the length, and then you buy the right size that is actually the right size for you out of their like 30 different sizes.
So I think that's pretty awesome.
And if you go to mysizecondoms.com, the first one was Corepa, coripa.com, mysizecondoms.com, go to their Where It Sold page, especially for all of my listening Europeans.
Their list of European sex shops, including online ones, is awesome.
I clicked on a couple of those links.
I didn't go too far in because most of my listeners are American and all of the shipping for the ones that I've mentioned on the show have all been American-based companies, so the tariffs are based accordingly.
But if you're a European and whatnot, go look at the mysizecondoms.com link.
You're going to get a lot of other companies and a lot of different places that are going to have local shipping to you for lots of different options.
So please go check that out.
I think it's a really cool resource to try out.
Look at Pleasure Tip Condoms.
Look at Reservoir Tip Condoms.
Look at twisty ones.
Don't make a decision based on how cute it is, okay?
Unless it's going to mean you at least are carrying something.
For folks who have Ask Lee questions, don't hesitate to drop me an email over at lee at passionandsoul.com.
And feel free to go over to check out my website at passionandsoul.com to click on the podcast button, scroll down to the information there, and find the show notes.
If you're an iTunes listener, you can also search me by typing in Lee Harrington into your search engine, or Passion And Soul, and scroll back through those archives.
And I'm really appreciative as a note for the folks who do go on iTunes and do reviews of the shows or stars or whatnot, because it helps drive additional information out there for people to find access to these kinds of things.
If you know people or websites that are looking for information on condom choices and whatnot, for example, feel free to send this around.
That's one of the great things about having free podcasts is you can share them.
And I am so honored for giving to continue to share this podcast with you.
This has been The Passion And Soul Podcast.
And until next time, stay cool, have fun, be authentically you, and embrace your dreams.
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