You Have More Power Than You Know – 11/6 Newsletter

Hello Beautiful Beings,

You may have noticed that there’s been a bit of time since my last newsletter. During the past month or so, I have been dancing with different sicknesses, managing my teaching schedule, preparing for a month of traveling, and so much more. I even got the first version of my upcoming book “Become Your Own Beloved” off to the editors at Twin Flames Press! 

I’ll be honest, as I will be on most of the month, I might not get another newsletter out until around my birthday (November 28th). Before I hit the road (or rather, the airport), I wanted to send along some reflections on the harmfulness and pain that can be born of unconscious, unspoken, or intentionally hidden power dynamics. Such thoughts feel especially prescient as those of us in the United States head into a midterm election as well as Thanksgiving, a holiday fraught with colonial lies and a history of genocide. 

As I was going through my mail today, I found a map sent to me by the Southern Poverty Law Center. The map showed the general location of the over 730 hate groups operating in the United States in 2021. On the eve of an election, where so many candidates are running with racist, transphobic, or otherwise hateful campaign promises, this map was a sobering reminder of this country’s historical, and also very modern, relationship to white supremacy and suppression.

For many of us in the U.S., we grew up hearing the “Thanksgiving story” in schools, where pilgrims and Natives came together to share a harmonious meal. These stories often feature stereotypical, and broad descriptions, of the people who were already on these lands, in addition to ignoring, denying, or glossing over the colonialist violence inflicted by pilgrims on native populations.

The harmonious Thanksgiving fiction works to hide and distract from very real, and harmful, power dynamics that were present in the 1600s, that were written into this country’s governmental documents and built into the foundations of the United States, and that very much define so much of this country today. When the privileges and powers of white folks, cisgender folks, able-bodied folks, and others are hidden and denied, the stories and experiences of those facing systemic oppression are also hidden and denied. You can learn more about this through resources concerning the National Day of Mourning that will be taking place yet again in Plymouth on November 24th.

I hope you keep these thoughts in mind this month. If you are in the United States, I urge you to go out and vote THIS TUESDAY, November 8th. Talk about, learn about, and witness power dynamics that have otherwise been pushed under the surface in your families or communities. 

This is important within the sexuality and kink we practice as well. Sometimes we discuss relational power dynamics, but still have so far to go beyond the fetishized versions we find desire in. However, we still must work as a community to consciously address hurtful power dynamics born of racism, ableism, or other forms of oppression. We must work to name more than the fantasies we carry. There’s much work to be done in creating accessible play spaces, developing inclusive communities, and more. Doing this work can actually help us build deeper, and sexier, relationships at the end of the day.

If you are interested in exploring more resources on the impact of these harmful power dynamics, especially within the kink community, you can explore the following free resources:

As we explore being mindful of our own power exchange dynamics, you can also join me via my Patreon on November 16th for “Conscious Inequality, Dominance, and Submission.” You can also join me on November 19th at 2 PM for “The Call Beyond Equals: Dominance and Submission 101.” As you explore the way your own identities, or your partners’ identities, may impact your play, you can join me on November 22nd for “GenderQueer Rope Bondage: Rope for People ‘Between’ and ‘Beyond’.”


In the past few weeks over on Patreon, I have had a chance to connect with my Patrons regularly through:

For November, come join me LIVE at:

Rope for Sex: Erotic Restraint for the Bedroom and Beyond

Online Worldwide via Passional Boutique

Thursday, November 10th, 6-7:30 PM EST (4-5:30 PM MST, 3-4:30 PM PST)

Purchase Tickets:

Rope bondage is a wonderful tool for spicing up your sex life – from binding legs open for access to the loins to turning a bed into somewhere a lover can relax and give into their desires. We will learn how to make simple restraints for spread-eagle poses or binding lovers to chairs, as well as exploring ways to bind limb to limb, body to body, crotch ropes (and how to convert them into pieces that can be fucked through), and more. Let’s explore and think creatively about techniques for adding bondage to your style of sensuality and sex. Bring at least one 25-30 foot piece of rope, and a dildo if you have one, for rated R hands-on play.

Conscious Inequality, Dominance, & Submission

Online Worldwide via Patreon

Wednesday, November 16th, 6-8p PST (7-9p MST, 9-11p EST)

Join my Patreon at any level to participate:

Power permeates our every interpersonal interaction, from how we interact with the grocery clerk to our kink in the bedroom, and there is a difference between unconscious and conscious power use. However, in a variety of alternative sexuality and BDSM populations, these concepts are eroticized, often glossing over the context where these consensual erotic power plays come from. Let’s examine where power arises unconsciously or through oppression in culture, various types of power exchange dynamics, and why people would want to engage in them (for an evening, a long-term connection or between lifetimes). This will include conscious and unconscious roles, bonding within relationships, and even destructive behaviors. Power is power, but inequality is not inequity, so let us look at this together with eyes wide open.

The Call Beyond Equals: Dominance and Submission 101

Online Worldwide via Wicked Grounds

Saturday, November 19th, 2-4p PST (3-5p MST, 5-7p MST)

Buy tickets:

In our culture we are taught that the ideal relationship is one between equals – but some of us are drawn to power exchange, dominance, submission, service, surrender, and control for a variety of reasons. For some this is a fun roleplaying activity in the bedroom, and for others, there is a calling from deep within to make this a reality in everyday life. We will discuss the variety of types of dominant/submissive and leader/follower relationship systems and structures out there, look at our own desires and fears with these sorts of play or relationships, and see how we can incorporate the parts that call to us into our sex lives or world at large.

GenderQueer Rope Bondage: Rope for People “Between” and “Beyond”

Online Worldwide via Karada House

Tuesday, November 22nd, 12-2p MST (2-4p EST, 8-10p CET)

Buy tickets today:

Rope bondage is not just for the normative bodies!

Whether you or your play partners are transgender, non-binary, gender adventurous, have other body/mind realities, or simply want to be listened to outside of assumptions around ropework, this class is for you. Ever had to struggle with how to put a crotch rope on a woman who has a little something extra? Wanted to tie up a transman who wanted chest bondage that didn’t make him look like a girl?

Perhaps you just want to explore some hot ways to tie up your lovers to make them feel androgynous and exposed? Then this class is for you. We’ll be playing with crotch ropes and strap-on harnesses, alternative forms of chest and torso bondage (to emphasize and de-emphasize curves), and exploring a few other ties that can help us or our partner(s) feel seen as whatever gender or otherness as we experience ourselves to be.

I also have other classes and events coming in the next few months! I will be teaching about dominance and submission, rope bondage, and more. You can see a few of my upcoming offerings below, and you can visit my Upcoming Appearances page to learn about the rest of my future offerings this summer and beyond.

  • January 13-15, 2023 – Teaching a 3-day Dominance, Submission, and Surrender online intensive – Delving Into Power – Online Worldwide
  • March 17-19, 2023 – Teaching “Determining Your Risk Profile” and “Head, Hair, and Face Bondage” – The Twisted Leprechaun – Philadelphia, PA

To check out all my further scheduled classes and intensives throughout the year (and more being added regularly), visit my Upcoming Appearances page to learn more. To enjoy further free material from me, consider joining me on Patreon where I share weekly resources, monthly classes, and more 🙂

Much love to you all and see you soon!

Yours in Passion and Soul,
Lee Harrington


Lee Harrington

Lee Harrington is an internationally known sexuality, relationships, and personal authenticity educator. Having taught in all 50 states and in 6 countries, he brings a combination of playful engagement and thoughtful academic dialogue to a broad audience. An award-winning author and editor on gender, sexual, and sacred experience, his books include “Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Journeys,” and "Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond," among many other titles. He has been blogging online since 1998, and been teaching worldwide since 2001. Welcome to his world, and your chance to expand your mind and heart alike.

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