Building Together

So often in our culture, we stumble into our relationships.  We meet, greet, fall in love- and simply expect it to work.

Relationships that are built on dominance, submission, power exchange, control and surrender are profoundly radical not because they are non-egalitarian.  Non-egalitarian relationships are as old as time itself, and as someone who was raised with firm feminist ideologies, I can clearly see the destructive and corrupt nature of non-equal dynamics.

What makes consensually constructed non-egalitarian relationships radical is that they are constructed.  They are built.  They are designed.  With eyes wide open, two or more individuals set out together to make the relationship of their dreams.

In the face of misunderstanding, media messages, and homogenized relationship structures available, individuals engaging in these relationships are building what is actually right for them.  Whether you are in a Master/Slave, dominance/submission, or other power dynamic based relationship is not the point.  You are radical even if you choose never to build this type of relationship- because you are building.

You are constructing.

You are making your dreams a manifested reality in the here and now.

The world deserves a world full of people choosing the relationships they are in.  Choosing their shape, style of interaction, size, appearance, and the specific individuals involved.  We have been stumbling into our connections with humans, and even if we stumbled in, we have the power now to decide if and how to continue forward.

Through examining the concepts and ideas of those who came before, analyzing our personal desires, and listening to the whispers of our unconscious mind, we might find for ourselves a set of blueprints.  A set of tools to use in construction.  A network with which to gather resources.

And from there… we build.

We will build the consensually constructed relationships we deserve, be they egalitarian, non-egalitarian, or something else entirely.  Because you, and the world, deserve our full presence, our full attention, our full passion, and our fully engaged awareness.


If so moved…




Lee Harrington

Lee Harrington is an internationally known sexuality, relationships, and personal authenticity educator. Having taught in all 50 states and in 6 countries, he brings a combination of playful engagement and thoughtful academic dialogue to a broad audience. An award-winning author and editor on gender, sexual, and sacred experience, his books include “Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Journeys,” and "Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond," among many other titles. He has been blogging online since 1998, and been teaching worldwide since 2001. Welcome to his world, and your chance to expand your mind and heart alike.


  1. This is incredibly beautiful and so very true. I couldn’t agree more. 🙂

  2. Thank you Lee for this thought provoking post.

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