Disability, Sexuality, and Teaching Skills

Hello beautiful beings,

About 15 years ago I went to a CARAS conference in Chicago, and as someone who is passionate about sexuality in general, I felt moved to attend the aging and BDSM class at the event. The presenter talked about their own experience and body realities that can change, and over the course of their 40 minute lecture, the summary of their message was that the older you get, you should become more dominant as you age. By doing so you can find hot younger people to take care of you.

The presenter asked if we had any questions. Sitting around a boardroom table, the rest of us all turned to each other and discussed the varieties of other perspectives, tools, and ideologies out there. It was an vigorous 20 minutes between the rest of us – the presenters opinion was not reflective of the people in the room who were older, who had clients who have aged, or had lovers that were on their own body journey.

On the way back to Shibaricon (a rope bondage conference also in Chicago back then), I vented on social media about how I should run my own classes on BDSM and aging, because what was out there did not offer diverse opinions. Arriving in the conference social area, I was called out by friends that were older than me. You are in your mid-twenties, they said, who are you to run this class. In turn I offered the question – are you teaching it right now. No, they were not. Well, someone needs to, and if this was all there is, clearly folks needed to.

Each of us is temporarily abled.

Though my body journey does involve epilepsy, tremors, migraines, joint challenges, mental health differences, and other dances that get referred to as “invisible disabilities” (except when I am in a wheelchair when I have had my knees go out)… I acknowledge the privilege I carry compared to other disabilities and aging experiences. But yet, 15 years later, I have gained more ability at 40 at being seen as serious when talking about aging, disability, sexuality, and kink. I have had more lovers with diverse body, neurology, and mental health realities than I once did. I have learned about the journeys of others, but the reality is…

All of us have bodies on journeys. We all have had bodies that can do different things than what we once could do. Talking with Quill, a sex educator in England, he shared that what he could do at 18 was not what he could do at 25, which is not what he can do now in his 30s. We are all on body journeys.

It was my honor to be on the BDSM and Disabilities panel for the LoveAbilities conference in October. The producerrecently uploaded the video to YouTube – check it out! It was wonderful to share the panel with Kendra Holliday from The Beautiful Kind, Katherine Sellors from Enhance the UK disability and sexuality campaign, and have in moderated by Mistress Ava Zheng who brought her own fantastic experiences to the discussion as well. It left me so inspired that I decided a few weeks later to host a discussion as part of my Weekly Wednesday series – such a fantastic discussion! The video is up now on YouTube as well – enjoy this video as well. 

Check them out – tons of ideas, resources, creativity, and vulnerability as well. Whether you are temporarily able bodied, aging, or living with various disabilities, there is lots to pull from between the 2.5 total hours of material. 

This week, come join me at: 

  • Approaches to Designing Adult Learning Classes
    November 18, 2020 (1-330p Pacific, 3-430p Central, 4-30p Eastern)
    Share on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/events/2447413445560386/ 
    Share on Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/events/948679 
    Join Zoom Meeting: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/2439294154?pwd=ZGFhRWVaTjVhK1ZpZmthU0JrWmZFZz09 
    Meeting ID: 243 929 4154
    Passcode: 136777love 
    Find your local number: https://us02web.zoom.us/u/kcvmiz5cpX
    Are there certain styles of music that get you hot and bothered? Tunes that you hear and the mood is suddenly gone? What do we do when our music does (or doesn’t) match that of a lover. How do you build your perfect playlists? Many of us have embedded erotic memory – that which was playing when we were first evolving as sexual beings or coming into our own as erotic individuals. Let’s get together to discuss (and share) the music that does it for us, take apart what about it does it for us, and how that music ended up triggering those responses as well. Bring your music if you would like as well, so folks can get into your beat, your mind, your sexy self.

I also have other classes and events coming up in the next few weeks that you may be interested in:

To check out other classes and intensives, visit my Upcoming Appearances page to learn more. From there you can sign up for my free newsletter as well. To enjoy further free material from me, consider joining me over on Patreon 🙂

Much love to you all and see you soon!

Yours in Passion and Soul,

Lee Harrington



Images by Pâté https://www.pateontoast.co.uk and from Enhance the UK


Lee Harrington

Lee Harrington is an internationally known sexuality, relationships, and personal authenticity educator. Having taught in all 50 states and in 6 countries, he brings a combination of playful engagement and thoughtful academic dialogue to a broad audience. An award-winning author and editor on gender, sexual, and sacred experience, his books include “Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Journeys,” and "Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond," among many other titles. He has been blogging online since 1998, and been teaching worldwide since 2001. Welcome to his world, and your chance to expand your mind and heart alike.

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