Commitment Ceremonies, Queer Magic, and Masturbation

Hello beautiful beings,

This weekend I am officiating the wedding of two wonderful friends, and it has been a whirlwind of emotions. The body experience of being around other humans. The complex feelings I has around trying on my suit and how my body has shifted since the last time I wore it. Memories of my own commitment ceremonies in the past, and the various ceremonies I have officiated over the years.

“We are not here to witness the beginning of their relationship, but to acknowledge and celebrate a lasting bond that already exists between them.” – From the upcoming ceremony

For some people, their commitment ceremonies are a story of something new. I was me, you were you, now we are we. For others, it is purely a formality with cake and dancing. It can mean a thousand different things to a thousand different people. 

Image from my own commitment ceremony a decade ago

When I start talking to a group, triad, pair, or individual about what a commitment ceremony, one of the first things I ask them (beyond scheduling!) is what a commitment ceremony means to them. Is their marriage for spiritual purposes, or for legal reasons. Is their family bond ritual for the community, for their family, or for them. What does such a ritual need to include, and what specifically needs to be set aside even if others swear by it being a key part of such gatherings. By knowing our “whys,” a rite that fits the people/group/community in question can be crafted. 

What do commitment ceremonies mean to you? What are your “must-includes?” How do you assess whether the commitments made are being held up, and what systems are in place for course corrections in the dynamic after such vows? This is true whether you are making a commitment to yourself as well, big or small.

This week, come join me at: 

  • The Queerness of Magic, the Magic of Queerness
    At Chicagoland Pagan Pride
    October 10, 2020 (3-4p Pacific, 5-6p Central, 6-7p Eastern)
    Learn more about this FREE event!  
    Many pagan and magic-based paths are not LGBTQ+ focused, and yet magic in and of itself has a queer nature. In this class we will discuss queer deities throughout history, as well as the ancestors that can be drawn upon outside of bloodlines, while acknowledging the power of ourselves being outside of, between, or embracing multiple layers of orientation, identity, and experience. We will explore queering and queered magics, from turning rituals that already exist into ones that center queer experience to creating or embracing rituals and paths specifically for those of us who walk these paths. This class is open to anyone drawn to learn more about these topics, share their own personal experiences, be around peers, or become an ally through looking at the expansive nature of magic beyond boundaries.
After a self-suspension in Hawai’i
  • Dancing With Myself: Auto-Erotic Sexual and Kinky Play
    October 14, 2020 (1-330p Pacific, 3-430p Central, 4-30p Eastern)
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    Join Zoom Meeting: 
    Meeting ID: 243 929 4154
    Passcode: 136777love 
    Find your local number:
    Some of us don’t have partners. Some of us are in relationships with folks who don’t enjoy the same activities we do. Some of us want to stay in control of our own experiences. Some of us simply like the experience of being with yourself. Whatever your reason, you are NOT alone. Let’s explore our desires, discuss ways activities can be modified for self-play, and share safety concerns (and work-arounds) as well. Whether it is bound masturbation, self-flagellation, fetish sensory play, solo role-playing, hedonistic eroticism, or something else entirely, you are not alone.

I also have other classes and events coming up in the next few weeks that you may be interested in:

To check out other classes and intensives, visit my Upcoming Appearances page to learn more. From there you can sign up for my free newsletter as well. To enjoy further free material from me, consider joining me over on Patreon 🙂

Much love to you all and see you soon!

Yours in Passion and Soul,

Lee Harrington


Lee Harrington

Lee Harrington is an internationally known sexuality, relationships, and personal authenticity educator. Having taught in all 50 states and in 6 countries, he brings a combination of playful engagement and thoughtful academic dialogue to a broad audience. An award-winning author and editor on gender, sexual, and sacred experience, his books include “Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Journeys,” and "Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond," among many other titles. He has been blogging online since 1998, and been teaching worldwide since 2001. Welcome to his world, and your chance to expand your mind and heart alike.

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