Happy Halloween, Remembered Dead, Erotic Roleplaying, and Disabilities

Happy Halloween and blessed Samhain beautiful beings,

I write to you tonight when the veil is thin between the worlds. This is the first full moon on a Halloween since 1944, and for those of us who celebrate Samhain, where we honor the dead and turn the wheel of the year, it is powerful indeed. I have already spent part of the evening making food for, and enjoying it with, those who have died and are amongst the honored dead. 

Earlier today I cleared a sacred sex altar I had built a few months ago and preparing an altar for the dead. I already have a year-round altar, but I pulled out images of my mother, grandparents, friends who have passed, and printed out a collage of 100+ Black people who have been killed by police this year. I put these on the altar along with fresh flowers, silk flowers, bottles of wine, skeleton statuary, and draped strings of my mother’s pearls from the year-long altar. I then set about preparing a meal to share with the departed.

Preparing a meal involved me heading out in “Halloween costume” (aka goth/fetish wear already in my closet) to the grocery store to acquire a bottle of Chateau St. Michelle wine before heading home to make my mother’s pico de gallo and mushroom black beans, serving both over spinach. I made serving of each for myself and the dead at the altar, serving us both wine and lighting candles before having conversations. I said prayers for change in this country, for the Black and transgender people killed this year by police and others, and prayed for infrastructure change in the police and justice systems. I prayed for change in the country, then struck up a conversation with my mother about a great many things while enjoying wine with her. Water was poured for my grandmother, whiskey for my grandfather, and a Justice card from my Tironfi della Luna (a modern Tarot de Marseilles deck) put alongside trinkets for (r)evolution and change in the United States.

Let my lovers who have passed be remembered. This includes Jay, a lover of mine who passed away from elephantism a while back. I am dedicating my discussion this coming Wednesday to him. After the fruitful discussion at the Loveabilities Sex & Disabilities Conference organized by Martha Tara Lee, I have decided to continue discussing Kink and Disabilities sharing knowledge from that event as well as having people share their own knowledge, ideas, and brainstorm with the group. Jay, who was a paraplegic due to his condition, taught me so much about having hot play from a wheelchair, about how having extended fingers made for hotter spankings, how mistakes with medical issues allowed for smooth transitions to further and deeper connection. I miss you Jay – you are on my year-round altar along with the likes of Ayem Willing, Fakir MusafarTony DeBlaseMartha P. JohnsonSilvia Rivera, Jaimie the flying girl, and so many others. I love you all, whether I knew you or not.

In more playful notes, this Monday will also hold a super fun class on erotic roleplaying… because hot fun comes in all sorts. And? It is from some of these amazing people who I learned the diverse ways to manifest my many sides. Without my great grandmother Kay Smith, for example, I would have never fallen in love with the Dadaist movement (she was an early model for fetish photographer Charles Guyette, on top of being a sculptor, weaver, and painter from that period through to her southwestern work in the 70s)… and without the Dadaist movement, I would not have truly understood the value of absurdity in sexual expression.

This week, come join me at: 

  • Be Yourself or Something Else: An Introduction to Erotic Roleplaying
    With Wicked Grounds
    November 2, 2020 (6-8p Pacific, 8-10p Central, 9-11p Eastern)
    Buy your tickets at: https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4780326 
    Share on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/events/272879763808517/ 
    Share on Fetlife: 
    So you’ve decided that it could be fun to do some roleplaying, but aren’t sure where to go with it? Let’s develop some skills together! Using classical evocation skills we will work to pull upon our sensuality, anger, sadness, and other feelings on command. Evocation is also an amazing tool for pulling out our own inner Daddy, pony, goddess, or slave. We will then turn to the idea of invocation, to tap into personal, cultural, and universal archetypes as well as other concepts that we are drawn to. Just because it’s not inside you, doesn’t mean you can’t learn through some simple exercises and brainstorming to learn how to draw it down. Bring your roleplaying fantasies or curiosity for this fun discussion and exercise-driven workshop.
  • Kink & Disability Discussion
    November 4, 2020 (1-330p Pacific, 3-430p Central, 4-30p Eastern)
    Share on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/events/345477866751295/
    Share on Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/events/948677 
    Join Zoom Meeting: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/2439294154?pwd=ZGFhRWVaTjVhK1ZpZmthU0JrWmZFZz09 
    Meeting ID: 243 929 4154
    Passcode: 136777love 
    Find your local number: https://us02web.zoom.us/u/kcvmiz5cpX
    Getting freaky, kinky, and exploring dominance or submission is desired by many people, and yet for those of us who live with physical, neurological, or mental disabilities we have unique realities in these explorations or play. Let’s talk about how having disabilities can affect how we do BDSM and other kinks! This might include visible or invisible disabilities, neurological non-normativity, realities that come from aging, plus blindness and visual impairment as well – how do you modify your explorations for your (or a partners) realities. Let’s talk about our challenges, brainstorm for each other, and also discuss the fun or creativity that have come up along our journeys!
    *This class will be audio recorded for later listening by people who could not attend*

I also have other classes and events coming up in the next few weeks that you may be interested in:

To check out other classes and intensives, visit my Upcoming Appearances page to learn more. From there you can sign up for my free newsletter as well. To enjoy further free material from me, consider joining me over on Patreon 🙂

Much love to you all and see you soon!

Yours in Passion and Soul,

Lee Harrington



Lee Harrington

Lee Harrington is an internationally known sexuality, relationships, and personal authenticity educator. Having taught in all 50 states and in 6 countries, he brings a combination of playful engagement and thoughtful academic dialogue to a broad audience. An award-winning author and editor on gender, sexual, and sacred experience, his books include “Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Journeys,” and "Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond," among many other titles. He has been blogging online since 1998, and been teaching worldwide since 2001. Welcome to his world, and your chance to expand your mind and heart alike.

Comments are closed.