Body Mod, Fetishes, and 50 Shades of Perspective

Hello beautiful beings,

Buckle in, this newsletter is a little longer due to some personal reflections. If you just want upcoming classes, feel free to scroll to the end.

This week has felt very go go go, but in a deeply satisfying sort of way. Meredith Muse and I have been locking down the final details for this weekend’s intensive, practicing some of the magickal and intellectual technologies we will be using, and going through our plans to make sure she and I are ready to go. Part of that energetically for me was hosting a discussion yesterday as an introduction to sex magic and sacred sex. What a rich dialogue and I’m so glad we had so many questions. It was fun getting to introduce the magic(k) as cooking analogy to folks – that some people have been handed proven recopies from their family for generations, while other folks look in their refrigerator and wing it. 

There were so many questions though that everyone agreed that there will be a spin-off conversation/class at the end of September that will cover four of these questions: Astral travel for sex magic/sacred sex; Erotic hypnosis; Becoming or being asked to become/hold energy for a deity; and drugs and their place in sacred kink/sex magic. Timing wise it is perfect – September 22nd is the Autumnal equinox (or Spring equinox for those in the Southern hemisphere),  so having this discussion about such energized yet liminal topics on the 23rd will be great. I will announce the event description in a week or two.

Amidst the immense satisfaction though is a deep sorrow. Sorrow, and anger, concerning the horrible shooting of Jacob Blake, and murders of Anthony Huber and Joseph “Jojo” Rosenbaum. This combined with Thursday night watching the closing night of the Republican National Conference (RNC). Our current president used the White House as a back drop, filled the lawn with people side by side in the midst of a pandemic (most unmasked), and at the end of a 70 minute long speech had fireworks that literally said “TRUMP 2020” fired off over the Washington Monument. 

Some of the stories chosen to be highlighted by the Republican conference committee were powerful or outright heartbreaking. As much as it was challenging to watch the evening, it was important to me to watch at least the last nights of the DNC and RNC. Forming my own opinion, rather than only taking the word of others, is useful for me from time to time, and it led to a wonderful chat with Ms. Cenna about that concept afterwards..

My favorite example of forming my own opinion on something various people had chimed in on was 50 Shades of Grey. When the book came out, I heard the opinions of various friends of mine and people whose opinion on sexuality topics mattered to me. However, after the third time I was formally asked my take on it, I decided I needed to read the books. 

I’m glad I did. Though commentary of poor editing, lack of consent towards Anastasia, stalking, cheesy dialogue, horrible safety practices, and fetishization of capitalism were all true, what hit me was something that no one had talked about – Grey’s consent being repeatedly violated by Anastasia. He had requests clearly laid out at the start of their relationship: I don’t do vanilla relationships and don’t touch me without me saying it was okay in advance. And what did she do? Continuously reach out and touch a man with PTSD, ask why he can’t be normal, and push for a vanilla relationships (or think if she is good enough he can be fixed). I also had the ability, having actually read the book, to talk with the large numbers of people who sought out healthier forms of kink, BDSM, freaky sex, and power play having been inspired by the book. 

Belittling people who liked the books, which I saw many jaded kinky people do, pushed some of the folks who were seeking education away. Instead, asking why people were there, what about it appealed to you, and going into the “whys” builds bridges. I think the same happens for me when occasionally looking at what various other opinions from my own. I build the language with which to have conversations with folks about their “whys.” You are concerned about trans people in bathrooms” – why? Oh, you worry about people assaulting children, okay let’s talk about that and how most states have multiple peeping tom, sexual assault, and pedophilia laws on the books that can be more firmly enforced, and that the trans issue isn’t what is at play. If, however the why is because trans people deserve horrible fates… I now have clear choices on what (if any) dialogue to have based on my own safety and self-care realities.

What are you doing to get exposed to various opinions and perspectives? The answer might be is “tune in to people whose curated knowledge I appreciate and learn from.” Fantastic. You don’t have to do all the heavy lifting. But having watched the last nights of the DNC and RNC, it was laid out in bright lights the vast gulf between perspectives on reality. I have no interest in living in some of those perspectives, just as I have no interest in reading the newest book in the 50 Shades series, but for me the bit of exposure was useful.

This week, come join me at: 

  • Fleshing It Out: Sacred and Profane Body Modifications
    with Wicked Grounds
    August 30, 2020 (5-7p Pacific, 7-9p Central, 10p-Midnight Eastern)
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    The world over, body modification is used as a way to express identity whether that is self-identity, cultural (or sub-cultural) affiliation, personal milestones, political views, spiritual connections, or other points of personal expression. Are you aware of the modifications you have already made to live the life you currently have, such as having a specific hair style to blend in with your peer circle, or living at a specific body weight? We will look at the wide variety of body modifications available today (from henna/mehndi to hook hangs, tattoos to ritual jewelry, stage makeup to genital reconstruction surgery, breast augmentation to flesh removal), and discuss the energy and history inherit in each type of modification, and their social implications today. Let’s examine together why every act of modifying our flesh can be sacred, and every act can profane no matter the type of alteration, no matter the transformation.
  • What’s Your Fetish: An Online Discussion
    September 2, 2020 (1-2:30p Pacific, 3-4:30p Central, 4-5:30p Eastern)
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    Meeting ID: 243 929 4154
    Password: 136777love
    The Powerful erotic draws and tools of sexual arousal, fetishes are often mentioned offhandedly in the world of kink and BDSM, but what is a fetish really? Where do ours come from, and what about our specific fetishes call to us? Whether you have a fetish for specific objects, materials, situations, or body part, this is your chance to talk about yours, while those curious about fetishes can come learn more about both the theories around fetishes and the people who have them alike.

I also have other classes coming up in the next few weeks that you may be interested in:

To check out other classes and intensives, visit my Upcoming Appearances page to learn more. From there you can sign up for my free newsletter as well. To enjoy further free material from me, consider joining me over on Patreon as well 🙂

Much love to you all and see you soon!

Yours in Passion and Soul,

Lee Harrington


Lee Harrington

Lee Harrington is an internationally known sexuality, relationships, and personal authenticity educator. Having taught in all 50 states and in 6 countries, he brings a combination of playful engagement and thoughtful academic dialogue to a broad audience. An award-winning author and editor on gender, sexual, and sacred experience, his books include “Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Journeys,” and "Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond," among many other titles. He has been blogging online since 1998, and been teaching worldwide since 2001. Welcome to his world, and your chance to expand your mind and heart alike.

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