I have challenges using my words.
More accurately, I have historically had challenges using my words. Let me reframe that, because our words have power. If I say I cannot do something, I will only see that I cannot do it.
Sharing what I want. Asking for things. Telling people about my challenges, and desires.
It’s hilarious to me that I have been a “blogger” for 14 years (fuck, wow), but when it comes to my relationships, sex life, and negotiations, I have had what are sometimes debilitating challenges. It is why power exchange dynamics have been much “easier” for me, because there is a clear excuse of contracts and agreements that allow for such dialogue.
So I have started more actively practicing using my words in the past few months. Asking questions like “are you open to hearing some stuff right now.” Saying sentences like “I’m happy to do that, but I would like it if we could also…” Asking “what does that look like for you?” Sharing when things are hot, when I am sitting in a place of envy.
I am pretty good at this with cruising and flirting. That hot pickup play, that seduction. I mirror well (though mirroring only holds up so well, and six months, three years, ten years… it doesn’t last). That moment where I have my breath match theirs, and we *do* what is in both our desires… though in all honesty, oftentimes it is more what they want than what I want. Is that true? Yeah, I think oftentimes it is.
See me, the chameleon.
But what does Lee want? Know Thyself. know thyself
It is hard to use our words when the words are stillborn on our lips.
So I am practicing. Using my words, a syllable at a time, when I can. Because until I practice, I can’t do it well. And I want to do it well.