Sexual Fantasy

I have had a lot of sexual fantasies over the years, and heck, I’d say compared to the average person on the street, I’ve done a lot of people’s sexual fantasies at one time or another.  I have gone through purity lists like memory lists, and can tangibly recall my friend Julia introducing me to my friend Strider, many years ago at a Leather Retreat.  The name, back then, was not Lee.

Julia: “Lee, you need to meet Strider, he is the sickest fuck I know in the NorthEast.”

Strider stood up with pride, a bit of a cocky bulldog, huge smile across his dark features.

Julia: “Strider, you need to meet Lee.  He is the sickest fuck I know.”

Huh, what?  I was baffled, confused, and Strider was offended.  He wanted to be the sickest fuck.  He proceeded to name sexual activity after sexual activity.  Well heave you, well yes, I have, but that was because this one time…

I have done a lot sexually, and yet, nowadays, I feel like I am fairly boring compared to my more explorational phases.  I have sex with my Boy once a week, maybe three times a week on spicy weeks where our schedules and energy allow.  It’s mostly cock sucking, with the occasional anal sex, bondage, role playing, and a thick layer of our natural D/s interactions.  When I am in San Francisco or Austin, I know I have a warm bed waiting for me from reoccurring lovers from over the years who adore me, and whom I adore in turn.  There is the occasional play partner beyond that.  But I am not the  lover in every port human I used to be.

I have a rich self-sex life, and I have become one of my favorite lovers. It took a while, given that until the age of 18 I could not make myself cum (it took a loving Master ordering me to do so to finally send me over the edge, something I will forever thank Marcus for).  I had been cumming with other lovers for some time by then.

But I still have sexual fantasies I really want to do.  Things I often get shy saying, because of fear of rejection, or fear that they will be promised to me but not happen (that has happened a LARGE number of times in my life, and it sucks).  I tend not to tell folks what I really am looking for, because if I get excited about the possibility, I feel let down if it does not happen.  I worry that when I discuss my actual body realities, my health concerns, my safer sex rules, etc, that I may get turned down even after folks get all excited (which has happened many times to be honest).  I have moved for the most part to instead speaking desires out loud, and if they happen, cool.

This too, is not the best system.  But its what I can do right now emotionally.  Some days I go proactive.  Today even I took a leap and actually told someone I was flirting with them- and got good response.

I have major challenges with the shopping-list approach to sexual and kink negotiation.  Sign up here for a gangbang.  Um… gr… just can’t wrap my head around it.

So I have these sexual fantasies… and as I mentioned 2 entries back, I am trying to journal again as a journal, so we’ll see what happens.

Some of my sexual fantasies that I want to have happen (as compared to the ones that I just want to keep hidden in a closet and pull out then put back) are:

  • Being bound and left in a dark place for a very long time, until time/space start to slip away, and occasionally be tortured, probed for information, or sexually used.  (Would need to be someone who could handle me loosing my shit)
  • Center of a group sex pile, cocks in all directions using and fucking me or each other. (I got a slice of this at a LeatherFags party a while back, and would have loved more).
  • Being the receptive party of a gang bang (This has happened once for me, back in Vegas in 2003 or 04, and I still am thankful to my 2 lovers and their friend who made it happen, through a series of flukes- though I could have passed on Mortis’ commentary during it)
  • Being whipped by 2 single tails at once. (I love single tail bottoming, but have never been hit by two tops at once)
  • Having my septum piercing used as a bondage point. (I got it *done* for that reason, it holds a luggage lock, and it still has not happened)
  • Being tattoo’d during sexual play or bondage.
  • Attending a Fort Troff Maneuvers or similar gay boy mass play party.
  • Hanging on flesh hooks over a body of water. (This is less of a sexual fantasy than an emotional one)
  • Being drugged and fucked while unconscious.
  • Serving as a kitchen-service Boy for a weekend, chained to the kitchen and available on-call for making food, getting drinks, or being of sexual service… chain just long enough to reach the bathroom but no longer.
  • Serving as a sacred whore for an extended period again. (which is not currently on my shaman card as it were, but its a good sexual fantasy)
  • My body ground down into the ground under someone’s boot as I whimper for air.
  • Suspending someone in fishing line only.
  • Having my boots blacked and getting my cock sucked off in turns by a pair of hot bootblacks (I’m hoping this will happen at Floating World, hint hint)

So yeah, there is a peek into my scull before bedtime.  Who knows, maybe if I speak it it may come into being.  Hi, my name is Lee, and I am sometimes awkward and shy.

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Lee Harrington

Lee Harrington is an internationally known sexuality, relationships, and personal authenticity educator. Having taught in all 50 states and in 6 countries, he brings a combination of playful engagement and thoughtful academic dialogue to a broad audience. An award-winning author and editor on gender, sexual, and sacred experience, his books include “Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Journeys,” and "Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond," among many other titles. He has been blogging online since 1998, and been teaching worldwide since 2001. Welcome to his world, and your chance to expand your mind and heart alike.

4 Comments:

  1. there are a number of those listed that i would be most pleased to share with you should you ever desire. if you ever want to take a slot in the Temple you would be a welcomed addition to those who have served there. i am more than pleased to use septum rings as bondage points… just look at my wife’s septum ring size… 🙂 binding you and leaving you in the dark with occasional interactions as described is something i have done for people before… and i think i can handle helping you find your pieces and put them back together. if you want to suspend a fat chick using only fishing line, well, we’d need a lot of fishing line, but i’m totally game 🙂 i can handle your “actual body realities, (my) health concerns, (my) safer sex rules, etc”, the kitchen service boy totally trips my triggers… sadly, Baphy has currently stripped me of my pride in my leathers… destroying much of it and hiding other bits, so while i could grind your throat under my foot, i would not be in a boot… but would be every bit as deadly. seriously… if you ever need a short fat freaky chick, let me know 🙂 -ruth

  2. Funnily enough, only 3 of these are ones not on my own personal list (either before seeing this or after). And hmm… considering I’ve never had a sexual boot blacking scene (and has been something I’ve WANTED), I think it should happen. 😉

  3. I, too, would like to be in the center of some hot group sex. A huge pile of male and female bodies & parts surrounding me sounds like *heaven*.

    The drugged and fucked one sounds like fun! I wish I knew where to get rohypnol or chloroform. 🙂

  4. Dear, one… yes, of course… so much of what you’ve written is well within graspable range. There are a few on that list that I woud happily take part in and I don’t doubt, through the network of folks you know, that there are enough of us that could hold those dreams while they came into reality.

    I’ve been saying recently that it is important to share one’s mind and what one is doing with people… as I’ve moved away from the secrecy that my mother taught me I find more and more people sticking their hands into the air and saying “that would be easy for me to do!” and “I would be willing!” and “I know someone I can connect you to!” and “Here’s a piece of information that might help!” And it reminds me over and over, every time that it happens that I can ask. And that I can receive. As long as I have it within me to do both.

    Brava.
    !Kona

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