Femme identity not to be sloshed away

She came up to me and asked a question.
I answered honestly, and she looked at me, stood up straighter, and said “Guess we can’t compete with a femme.” She then walked away.

I was livid.
Not for the comment that somehow I or she or we were being stood up (which we weren’t) for someone else (which we weren’t), and that that someone else was a femme… but that in saying it to me she invalidated my identity as a femme.

We can’t compete with a femme.
My glittery bling isn’t enough for you?
My desire to wear corests and high heels isn’t enough for you?
My need to always wear my best just in case, that day, out randomly, I might meet Mr. or Ms. Right? Or maybe Mr. or Ms. Right Now?
My fabulous fashion?
My huge arm motions that scream either Italian or Drag Queen?
My 6 storage moving boxes full of shoes?
My ability to manifest mosturizer out of thin air?

I am a man, and I may hate my bio tits, but fuck you, I am femme.

I may wear jeans, but have you noticed the lack of holes?
I may wear boots, but they are always polished and perfect.
My underwear matches what I flag.
I am addicted to hair product (ok, thats a gay male thing in general, but whatever).
I am a queen, a nelly fag, a poof, a femme.

I love having flowers purchased for me.
I love being spoiled rotten.
I dream of glittery diamonds and long walks on the beach.
I adore romance, roses, and even if pink isn’t my thing, I get it.

I flirt. I roll my eyes. I change my voice and mannerisms to get into peoples brains.
I tip my hip. I bat my eyelashes. I lick my lips- because I know how it affects people.
I have style and know when to use it, and when to loose it.
I mother. I smother. I cherish and lift up.
I set free, but only after my nails have dug in so far that I’m bleeding on the inside and know that this is what they need.

Being femme is not being feminine, per se. I really wish I had the amazing Femme Manifesto on me, but I don’t.

I am a man. I am femme. Why should I have to leave one gender paradigm to be forced into another I don’t fit. I am me, fuck you, and I am femme.

I am so sick of being read as a butch dyke when I am neither… especially by individuals whom I have had this discussion with before.


Lee Harrington

Lee Harrington is an internationally known sexuality, relationships, and personal authenticity educator. Having taught in all 50 states and in 6 countries, he brings a combination of playful engagement and thoughtful academic dialogue to a broad audience. An award-winning author and editor on gender, sexual, and sacred experience, his books include “Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Journeys,” and "Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond," among many other titles. He has been blogging online since 1998, and been teaching worldwide since 2001. Welcome to his world, and your chance to expand your mind and heart alike.

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