APEx Conference and Changing Pony Identities

Hello beautiful beings!

I write to you today from the Approachable Power Exchange (APEx) Conference in Denver, Colorado. Unlike some kink conferences that focus on how-to skills and parties, this event is entirely on relationship and self-awareness skills. Last night was a cigar social (yes, in 50 degree temperatures) and lots of quality conversations inside near the silent raffle table. One that will stick with me for a long time was talking with Tromper, the current North American Pony title holder, as we talked about somatic experiences of play and identity.

Ponygirl Lady in West Virginia 2004

He asked why I no longer pony’d as Ponygirl Lady. I explained that not only was my gender identity wrapped up in that part of my persona, but that people no longer treated me as Lady. That was associated with how people saw the woman I was known as at the time. As I dug in though, I realized my body will never be Lady again. Lady wore bells on her nipples… nipples and breasts I no longer have. My body would never trot down a trail with my breasts bouncing in the open air.

Tromper talked in turn about weight loss. He has lost over 100 pounds in recent time, and he has had to work through a story that size equals strength. It takes more work now to get a cart moving. He no longer physically dominates a space in the same way. It too had affected how he interacts with his pony play – though his spirit would always be a pony. There was and is a part of him that glowed with that core pony-ness. It was his authenticity.

Unicorn Cupcake at the International Ponyplay Conference

Would I pony again? I talked about Unicorn Cupcake, my current pony-esque self, that flies in the air, that has played mostly nude in the waves of Jamaica, that does two-legged work with people on my back. But it’s not quite the same. I don’t go into non-verbal/animal space. I always have the capacity to talk. I no longer enter into that same altered state of consciousness I once did.

So will I pony again? I can’t say. 

We’ll see.

What have you had transition out of your life as your body changed? As your age had your body evolve, had weight gained or lost, had gender journeys, or something else entirely? What does your body do now, and how can you celebrate that?

Today I am grateful for my body and what it can do. I am grateful for powerful conversations with a diverse collection of people last night – from the folklore of sexual communities to using cigars for sacred purposes, flirting styles to people sharing their children’s life journeys. I am grateful for friends both old and new.

I am grateful.

Yours in Passion And Soul,


Lee Harrington


Lee Harrington

Lee Harrington is an internationally known sexuality, relationships, and personal authenticity educator. Having taught in all 50 states and in 6 countries, he brings a combination of playful engagement and thoughtful academic dialogue to a broad audience. An award-winning author and editor on gender, sexual, and sacred experience, his books include “Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Journeys,” and "Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond," among many other titles. He has been blogging online since 1998, and been teaching worldwide since 2001. Welcome to his world, and your chance to expand your mind and heart alike.

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