Not a Vessel

Creativity can be incredibly frustrating sometimes. I have three unfinished blog entries sitting on my laptop right now, and when I try to write one from the notes they are in… it is not working. Each time my brain starts to say that the Muse is not striking, I can’t help but have my friend Catherynne venting in my ear (via a blog entry she wrote many years ago) saying that no, really, writing is a *job*. We are not empty, sweet, cute vessels that are empty things to be filled up with universal epherma and then pump what we…

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Percolation

We walk through the woods, GPS mapping our way so we can find this spot again, the lone tree in this part of the forest that has a branch bent enough to do suspension off of. A forest of birch, a forest of pine. A forest in the middle of the island. Peaks Island, Maine is a beautiful place. We board the ferry at dock 5, laughing tourists, happy dogs, children taking it all in. It is dramatically different than the first time I came here, snow and ice and candle wax melting onto envelopes. Summer and chickens sitting on…

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Ramblewood Empty

The birds are chirping, heat of the sun ducked down behind clouds, the heat midday faded to a comfortable afternoon. Green trees, green grass, greenery of all sorts. Empty. On-site at Ramblewood you currently have Danny (the cook), James (Cal’s assistant), the assistant chef, and 4 general helpers from overseas. Even Cal (the property manager) and Harry (the owner) are offsite. Oh, and me. I’m here. I’ve been coming to Ramblewood since 2003, when Boymeat and others lovingly coerced convinced me to come out for an event called Leather Retreat, the last year Frasier and Greg ran it together. Before…

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Ritual Entertainment

I recently attended a public pagan ritual, 50 or so people in a large circle, a spirit/dream catcher hanging in the center. Three individuals dressed like flying nuns, in red (because who doesn’t love red flying nuns?), strutted around asking people if they had been good or bad boys or girls, and those who had been naughty were spanked with a ruler. Laughter and giggling filled the space from those who were oh, so, naughty… even if those individuals looked a bit crestfallen with the “spankings” they received. As the ritual began, the nuns transformed into two stripper/burlesque icons and…

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A Week in Wins

Oftentimes, we dance through the world with the shroud of shoulds and the mirror of missed opportunities shining back at us. Today, I am re-starting my weekly attempt at posting my Wins. Things that are awesome. Things that were good. No “but” comments. Just that which is – even if what I have is “I had an asthma-free week”- that is awesome 🙂 If I were in Toronto, I would be joining my friend Darren for “Awesome Brunch” – which is basically wins, over brunch. So… May 7-13, 2013 I painted my bedroom and it is such a beautiful color…

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The Weather Has Changed

The weather is changing here in New York. Snow has given way to rain, then back to sleet and snow, and now to the cool spring breeze that carries the scent of Chinese food in the air. Old men sit on stoops, and the wild plumage of curvaceous black women lights up our Friday night walk. With Aiden on the road, I have been taking Stitch, our French Bulldog, out for walks a few times a day. He has daily routines, places he likes to frequent. It’s not unlike me, with my favorite Thai place in Manhattan, the green grocer…

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Conflating Stories

When folks become “known,” we sometimes get used as examples. Examples of good behavior, examples of bad behavior. Examples of what to do, and what not to do. I myself use my bad stories as teaching stories, as I have talked about in other journal posts like this one on my life being turned into anecdotes. But teaching stories are important, because they help folks learn from the mistakes of others without having to learn the mistakes for themselves. However, stories become a game of telephone. They get mixed up with one another, details shift, things get translated and confused. …

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Why Might We Need a Kink Coming Out Day?

A discussion started recently at KinkLINCS in Seattle around a Kink Coming Out Day. Since then, this grassroots movement has created a fetlife profile has been created, as has an event profile. There is language still being crafted, which I have urged to have include language that appeals to wide varieties of population, not just Caucasian heterosexuals with grade 12+ education. In my newest podcast, I shared some of my thoughts on it, along with the rest of my experience at KinkLINCS. I’ve had folks ask why we need this.  My thoughts? * Right now, folks can be imprisoned (Addleboro,…

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This Body Is The One I Get

**warning, the following journal entry may be “triggering” for some trans* folks as I discuss my own body reality and experience.** I lost my ass. Somewhere along the way, it dissolved. I used to have a nice, round, onion butt. That was what a friend of mine in DC called it, a sweet older black man with a slight limp and a smile a mile wide. He called it an onion butt. Take half an onion, and there you go, image complete. But along the course of my gender transition, I have lost the bulk of it.  Sure, I can…

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Working on Asking

“Amanda Palmer: The art of asking” went live on TED not long ago, but I finally got a chance to watch it today. In September, 2011, I finally broke down and asked for help. I had been sick for months, and had canceled gigs left and right. With my partner not starting their job until October, we were out of money. We needed $3000 to stay afloat until the first paycheck came in. Those funds came in from our community in 24 hours. I broke down crying. Broke down, notice the language. Broken, collapsed, damaged, defective. Fractured, injured, mutilated, shattered.…

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