Reflecting and Setting Goals 2019-2020

The end of the year is often a time for setting goals for the new year, but both this wonderful post and my friend Darrell have reminded me that not only do we need to look forward, but we get to look back and savor our successes. This year blew me away. It has been so rich that as I began to write this list I was really in awe of how much this past year has held. As someone who can get kind of blasé about the world around me when I am having mood challenges, it was a refreshing opportunity…

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APEx Conference and Changing Pony Identities

Hello beautiful beings! I write to you today from the Approachable Power Exchange (APEx) Conference in Denver, Colorado. Unlike some kink conferences that focus on how-to skills and parties, this event is entirely on relationship and self-awareness skills. Last night was a cigar social (yes, in 50 degree temperatures) and lots of quality conversations inside near the silent raffle table. One that will stick with me for a long time was talking with Tromper, the current North American Pony title holder, as we talked about somatic experiences of play and identity. He asked why I no longer pony’d as Ponygirl…

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Expression, Activism Inspiration, and Pirates

Anchorage looks different when you are wearing a suit. Especially when surrounded by drunken pirates. Tonight I had the absolute pleasure of attending the NAACP gala dinner in conjunction with the Alaska Oregon Washington State Area Conference. Earlier in the day I’d helped run the Transgender Leadership Alaska (TLA) statewide meeting, and during it one of the folks from ACLU had asked if anyone had wanted to attend. With no set evening plans, other than a desire to finish making the peach vanilla yogurt I had started soaking 2 days ago, I was delighted at the chance. Heading home, I…

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Gender and Journeys in Jamaica

God-dess by knothead

Bags were packed for adventure. Fetish wear and flip flops. Rope and swim suits. High heels and body paint. BeachBind here we come. In its second year, BeachBind is a week-long bondage-themed vacation experience. You could go from novice tying to doing various suspension work over the course of the week if you went to all of the classes, or sunbathe naked and go to the shows each night on the main stage. If you wanted to tie someone from a tree next to the sea or have a massage with a cool breeze blowing over you, you can do it. Held…

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Respecting Those In The Shadow

I am a hermit. Many people who only see me at events might not believe this, but when I am home, I most often hide in my cave with my partner and my dog. With a computer, a giant stack of books, and a big fuzzy robe, I hide from the world and often wish I never had to go out again. Big crowds can panic me, and even though I travel for work, I can find myself deeply anxious when my schedule goes a step beyond what my mind can comfortably do. No matter where I have lived in…

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50 States of Education

About 5 years ago, I was attending a class by Dr. Wayne Dyer when visiting Ming Destiny in Maui. In the front of the room, he got on stage and asked everyone to celebrate with him… he was teaching at his 50th and final state. I looked over at Ming and said that I wanted to be able to say that. Last week I made that happen. A pet project has taken me on adventures large and small around the country, ranging from conferences to libraries, weekend intensives to university lectures… and I wanted to take a moment to reflect…

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Fashion Gender Bondage

Gender transition is a strange thing sometimes. The world does not just change in its way towards you, but how you interact with the world. How people treat you. The assumptions that are made. What we are expected to wear. What becomes taboo. Before transition, I was a fetish model. In a corset I was 5’11” 38DD-28-42. Dramatic, fabulous. One of the things I loved about being a fetish model was that custom corsets were a business expense, as were seamed stockings, lingerie, and MAC makeup. “We are each born naked,” as RuPaul once said, “the rest is drag.” I…

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Say Their Names – Memories of the Trans Dead

The snow is falling on the pages. So many pages. Every name or two I wipe the pages off, white obscuring the blood shed beneath. November 20th was Transgender Day of Remembrance. A ritual since 1998, it was started to remember the murder of Rita Heister on November 28th, 1998. She died on my birthday when I was turning 20. I was living in Oregon, having graduated with my bachelor’s degree. Working for a Christian faith organization as a database administrator, I shot porn on the weekend. She was dead. Started originally as “Remembering Our Dead,” the numbers of dead…

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Through Memories and Back (Dirty South Tour part 5 of 5)

With the alarm I roll out of bed and head off into a shower with great water pressure and beautiful smells in it. Clothes refolded and organized for the last legs, I smiled at the small number of books left. Folks may not know, but to sell a book I have to pay to get them wherever I am going, and if they don’t sell, I have to pay to get them back home. I usually cram my carry-on with books, hoping I can fake my way into having it “look light” as I lift a 35+lb carry-on into the…

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Transmasculine Invisibility

Today I wandered into Kaladi Brothers Coffee near Title Wave bookstore. Kaladi is our local chain of coffee shops, featuring better coffee than other large chains, and fantastic gluten-free muffins. Though I eat gluten, I really enjoy supporting artists who make these foods, especially when they are delicious. I have a friend with Celiac, and I want to make sure they keep getting their needs met. Holding my latte and muffin in hand, on my way back to the laptop where I am working on a book review and writing my own book, I saw a masculine of center female…

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