Who I Am, What I Do

Posted: 15th December 2011 by Lee Harrington in Journal
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It was a night during my move. He and I were curled up in bed, and gloves went on. A finger slid in, hungry and needful. A second. He went to slide in a third, and I melted into tears.  He went back without a word to two fingers and slowly slid and out, moving in time with the slow shallowness of my breath, my moving hips.

I had had my hysterectomy less than 6 months earlier. And the reality is that my body is not the same.

I was emotional. He asked why, and I said it was because I was a fisting bottom, and can’t be fisted any more. He paused, then asked me if I came. Well, yeah…

So, what is the issue?

My identity was wrapped up in the notion of being a fisting bottom. If I am not this, then what else am I? What does my body really want? The reality was, I did not know what my body wanted. I had been on erotic replay for most of my life. It’s like finding that favorite restaurant and always ordering the same thing. I knew the twenty things that did it for me, and hit rewind, re-play. With different lovers, in different settings, with different music and lighting and levels of dramatic effect- but the same menu items.

I realized it had been a very long time since I had simply explored with no expectation at all of outcome. A few years, but even then had layers of past truths. So if I am not able to be fisted in my front hole any more- what does my body want?

More than that, am I okay with it? With not being a vaginal fisting bottom? Because that is identity, right there. It had become a  “who am I” rather than a “what I do.” When our identity is attached to what we can do, and what we can do changes, our world can seem to fall apart.

I was hospitalized related to my long-term health four+ months ago. And the reality is that my body is not the same.

I was emotional this week. I asked myself why, and realized it was because I was a guy who traveled for work, who worked his ass off, who went out to where his students are… and can’t do that to near the same degree any more. I paused, then asked me if I was still reaching my students. Well, yeah…

So, what is the issue?

My identity was wrapped up in the notion of being a hard-working traveling presenter. If I am not this, then what else am I? What does my being really want? The reality was, I did not know what my being wanted. I had been on work replay for most of my life. It’s like finding that favorite restaurant and always ordering the same thing. I knew the twenty things that I did well and could help me fulfill what I saw as my dharma, and hit rewind, re-play. With different people, in different settings, with different music and lighting and levels of dramatic effect- but the same menu items.

I still reach the world, a few students, fans, friends, and allies at a time.

In fact, a year ago I even said I wanted to eventually cut down to only working 1-2 weekends a month. And yet, now that I am here, mandated by my physical reality- I find myself lost. Because my identity is wrapped up in doing “so much more” Working harder, not smarter. Going OUT to the world rather than having others come IN.

So, what does my body want? Sexually, and career wise, as someone who has had identities attached to the “what it is that I do?” Who are we each when we separate these two from each other, and begin to explore without judgement.

I like two fingers, sliding in and out as my hips rock and my lips moan into a slow growl. We’ll see what the next explorations bring.

Finding My Slash

Posted: 12th December 2011 by Lee Harrington in Sutras of Soul
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…and I don’t mean slash fiction.

I have been slowly meandering my way through Brené Brown’s book “The Gifts Of Imperfection” for the past four months. The book makes me think, has me chewing on my own spirit and my own perceptions of reality. I find myself asking “what is this thing called life I am living” and “why do I do what I do.” You know, easy stuff.

There has been chewing, butt kicking, and the occasional moment of “uh huh.” There are exclamation points and stars etched in the edges, brackets and circles. This is a book I had to take notes in, not leave pristine. Will I loan it- yes, with the caveat that the next person do the same in their own color of pen.

In Guidepost 9 (it’s like chapters in part two), she asks us to examine what makes our work meaningful. For many years I have stood by the fact that I must have meaningful work, or else not do it. She argued another route… the slash.

You can be a poet/banker, carpenter/king. Any combination of thing is available if we dig in deep and listen to the fullness of our hearts. Listen to the silence that speaks at 3am and knows our best intentions at heart.

The funny thing is, knowing my ideal slash is an amazing tool for figuring out where to invest my juice. My spoons. My battery power.

I am an author/educator/performer/shaman.

Or perhaps an author/educator/shaman/performer.

Somewhere in there. I am called to reach out, connect, inspire. I have tribal affiliations. I touch hearts. I resonate in these forms through the guise of bard, poet, philosopher, blogger, priest, guru, and nice guy. But these four are the vocation known as my journey.

I keep being told to focus in. I mean really, does that shaman gig pay? If your income is really from the first two, do it smarter, do it wiser. Educate at intensives and big weekends only, do college lecturing mostly, write books that will sell 10,000+ copies only. Write that sequel to “Shibari You Can Use” already.

But a job is real even if we don’t get paid for it. Our juice fills back up *while* we are working instead of on the weekends when please oh please we are away from our work. I want my Work, not just my work. I want to thrive in my vocation.

The trick? Listening. I keep not listening, though I am getting better.

When I open up a file to write, what juices me up? What makes me feel juicy? Right now it is poetry. I am pouring it out of me like water, refreshing water that I feel like I am sailing on. The second is handouts and notes for how to teach, because there needs to be more skilled folks who can skillfully pass on information and wisdom to others. The third is my collaborative project with Mollena.

Note that “More Shibari You Can Use,” which has had the first 3 chapters and entire outline done for 5 months, has not moved in 5 months. Because today my spirit says no. It says it is not part of today’s work. Will it come out, yes, at some point. But right now, if I focused on it, I would not be listening to the authentic voice that governs over my slash.

So I let the words pour forth. I book gigs like Westward Bound, Fetish Fair Flea, and Kinkfest to teach at, that will fuel me. I stop and play, because sometimes my performance is for me. I sing and dance. I use my tarot card app for actual divination working. I love, and live, and dream as I work. Because I am Working.

I am Working, in my slash.

Podcasts Update

Posted: 10th December 2011 by Lee Harrington in Podcasts, Radio and Audio
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I have been having health and life adventures, and thus have let the past two podcast announcements slip through the cracks… so here we go!

November 20th; Giving Thanks:

This month, Lee Harrington spends some time giving thanks- to his tribe and more, and asks in turn what you are giving thanks to in your sexual and spiritual journeys, and beyond. Thanks becomes an awareness of capacity, stories of identity, and how our identity is often wrapped up in what we think we “should” want. Perception becomes thanks once more, and a bit of sacred sensual poetry is thrown in for good measure!

Lee, however, wishes to apologize for getting totally ahead of himself. In the podcast he references that when the podcast goes live it will be just after thanksgiving and it will also be on his birthday. He realized a few hours after recording that this is not the case, and that there is an extra week between… so happy Thanks Giving everyone :)

http://www.eroticawakening.com/ea154-giving-thanks/

December 10, Circles of Kink:

In this episode of Erotic Awakening, Lee Harrington interviews Lady Pandion, Scott (Silent1), Doug (yojimbo), Preston and Becky, after the 6 of them were part of the Sacred Kink intensive “Circles of Kink” in Ft. Myers, Florida. The conversation dances from event debriefing to personal exploration, fiber magic to intention building, community to connection, costumes and candles, and so much more. Join this herd of seekers and kinksters, shamans and healers, switches and witches as they dive into their hearts and share them with you.

http://www.eroticawakening.com/ea158-circle-of-kink/

 

January 21, 2012 Educator Training

Posted: 7th December 2011 by Lee Harrington in Announcements
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By special request, the following one-day training and educational experience with Lee Harrington is being taught for BDSM, Kink, Leather, LGBT, Queer, Poly, Sex Magic, and Swinger educators. This announcement is back-dated one year as it is not being dissimenated in any mass-mailings, but is instead preferred to be shared word of mouth.

Date: Saturday January 21, 2012
Time: Noon-1:45p, 2p-4p, 4:15p-6p
Price: $45-85 sliding scale per student
Location: A private home in Bushwick, Brooklyn, off the J/Z (Chauncey) and L (Wilson)

This is a limited attendance event, with 8 total spaces available. It is a single training, broken into 2 components, but you can not “opt out” of a segment.

This intensive is best suited to beginner and intermediate experience educators, but may have some material of interest for more experienced educators. Lee will dialogue with more experienced educators on the appropriateness of their involvement.

Noon-1:45p:

Finding Your Unique Voice as an Educator

What sort of presenting really calls to you, and why? Do you want to lead group discussions, lecture in front of an auditorium, provide one-on-one mentorship, or give skill demonstrations? What sorts of topics are you called to present on? Physical skills, emotional experiences, the psychology of what it is that we do, history and academics, or perhaps something totally different? Many of us start out presenting because we are well known for something we do and others want to learn, or because no one else would step up on a topic- but what do *you* want to teach on? What styles will best carry your message and your specific voice? Let’s look at what styles and content truly call to you, and also examine options for both you might not of thought of that may be your calling waiting for you.

2p-6p:

Effective Speaking and Presentation Skills

Have you always wanted to speak in front of a crowd but are too jittery? Perhaps you are an experienced speaker or educator who wants their lectures and presentations to stand out and be remembered? Come learn how to effectively use your voice and body language to communicate your message in a wide variety of teaching and speaking environments. From claiming of space to audience empathy, use of vocal range to hiding your nervousness, we will plunge in together and come out more certain of our ability to deliver our message.

Though the skills we will be using and developing are good for all individuals, examples and stories will be from within a BDSM, Kink, Leather, LGBT, Queer, Poly, Swinger and beyond context.  Bring tools for taking notes, wear comfortable clothing, and have an open mind for exploring the joy in passing on our passions.  Students will receive a digital take-home packet, beyond in-class resources, for further developing their unique voice and skills.

What to bring:
Comfortable clothes
Reusable water bottle (optional)
Notebook or other note-taking device
Sense of openness and willingness to engage
Your business cards, smart phone, or other networking tools

Please come fed in advance. Optional group dinner available afterwards for those who want to continue the conversation.

To register please contact Lee@PassionandSoul.com to see if there are spaces available

See you there!

Who is Lee Harrington?

Lee giving the Keynote Speech at Transcending Boundaries Conference 2010

Lee Harrington is a passionate spiritual and erotic educator, gender explorer, eclectic artist and published author and editor on human sexuality and spiritual experience.  He’s been traveling

the globe (from Seattle to Sydney, Berlin to Boston), teaching or talking about sexuality, psychology, kink, faith, magic and desire since 1996, and has no intention of stopping any time soon.  Along his journey he has been a brainy academic, a female adult film performer (under his previous name Bridgett Harrington), a world class sexual adventurer, an outspoken philosopher, a long-time sexuality and spirituality blogger (since 1998), a spirit worker and priest, and an award winning writer and artist.   Overall, Lee is a nice guy with a disarmingly down to earth approach to the fact that we are each beautifully complex ecosystems, and we deserve to examine the human experience from that lens.

As an educator, Lee has lectured in large university halls, led intensive 3-day retreats, performed learning rituals and stage shows, done one-on-one coaching, facilitated group discussions, run interactive workshops, and spoken at the front of a wide array of classical classroom settings. In 2010 he taught at the first ALPSEC (Alternative Lifestyle Presenter Skills Educational Conference) at the Leather Archives & Museum in Chicago, Illinois. He is regularly called upon by alternative sexuality organizations to help them make decisions on planning, and as part of that consulting work, has come to deeply appreciate the hard work it takes for any presenter to speak from their authenticity (whether it be as a bard, coach, pundit or something else entirely).

His books include “Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé,” “Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond,” the “Toybag Guide to Age Play,” and “Shed Skins: Journeying in Self-Portraits.”  He has also worked as an anthology editor on such projects as “Rope, Bondage, and Power” and “Spirit of Desire: Personal Explorations of Sacred Kink,” while contributing actively to other anthologies, magazines, blogs and collaborations internationally.  Check out the trouble Lee has been getting into, as well as his regular podcast, tour schedule, free essays, videos and more over at www.PassionAndSoul.com.

Down The Rabbit Hole

Posted: 15th November 2011 by Lee Harrington in Journal
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So I look for the Old Gods, the beasts, and the faeries,
I speak of their names and their sigils I mime
their stories, perpetually grand invocations
are secrets preserved in the midst of rhyme

And what did we learn down the yellow brick road?
And what did Alice really find down that hole?

Well…

It’s a shaman’s journey if ever I saw one
and I ought to know cause I’m continually on one

-Storm Faerywolf, from his poem “The Faerie Tale” in The Stars Within The Earth

I was talking with people last week in my new yoga class. I mentioned that I do fire spinning. Later, someone asked where my favorite place to visit was, and I said out of the country it was a hard split between central Cappadocia in Turkey, and Manly Bay in Sydney. They blinked. Later that day, I ran into one of the girls from the group…

“You are totally like a ken doll.”

Stories in my head run through about gender, not having outed myself, and internal thoughts on not having external genitalia- my differently gendered boy a line between ken doll and angel. But instead I asked, “How so?”

“Because you are totally too good to be true.”

I look at my life and it is true. It would not surprise me to see someone make a movie from my life (starring Maggie *and* Jake Gyllenhaal) that folks would read as a fantastical fiction. Child of army intelligence folks, art nerd and punk turns christian faith organization database administrator while shooting porn on weekends. Car crash leads to porn full time, leads to international travel, leads to becoming a sexuality educator and dedicated spirit-worker. Gender transition, heart breaks, heart string…

My former boyfriend Mars used to joke by calling me “Sydney” a la Alias. “Uh huh,” he would say,” You HAVE to be in Berlin next week for a video shoot and performances. I should keep my eye out for assassination reports.”

I have come to realize that I have come to live down the rabbit hole. I am an acclimated citizen of Palimpsest. I have walked along the yellow brick road, having journeyed the OZ. What is odd to others is my day to day.

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

-Jack Kerouac

I have danced with demons under the pale moon light. I know the smell of bodies wrapped in leather and packed onto the dance floor. The sound of the earth’s rhythm and sylphs singing has rocked me into sleep and frenzy alike. These are… life. My life.

I do not intend to have judgement, but as I look up from down the rabbit hole, I see the Victorian era on the other side and see it as a strange dream. Here, I look across the gap and find I just don’t quite understand the thoughts and processes of the “average” person, the supposed soccer mom and blue collar, white collar worker. I have spent too much time with pink collar workers, have seen authentic self exploration as the day to day of perverts, tantric visionaries, gurus and those very same soccer moms, blue collar, white collar workers on their weekends. My mind does not get it. I don’t understand the close mindedness…

and yet, that perception of close mindedness is itself a judgement. A perception that the mad ones are better. That the faerie tales are more awake, more alive. That the beauty of Oz and Wonderland somehow outweighs the beauty of monster truck rallies and golf courses, jam competitions at state fairs and time at the spa with the girls. Different beauty is all. Mindful of my judgement, I breathe, try.

Try to see the beauty of it all. Of it ALL.

From here, down the rabbit hole, I try a breath at a time. A breath at a time, I try.

Wrapped in invocations
wrapped in rhyme
wrapped in mystery
wrapped in time.

I try.

October Podcast – Environmentalism, Sustainability and Sexuality with Asrik

Posted: 17th October 2011 by Lee Harrington in Podcasts, Radio and Audio
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In this month’s podcast, I interview sexuality educator, and environmental activist, Asrik. We discuss sustainability of the environment as well as kink communities, the notion of fate, compersion within polyamory, relationship dynamics, the notion of reducing waste… and finding ways for everyone, and the planet, to get the best end of the deal.

Join us as we explore desire, faith, sex, passion… and falling in love with our planet through consent with all living things.

Listen to this episode HERE.

Podcast resources, links, and details :)

Asrik contact information:
http://cartographersoftransgression.wordpress.com
 https://fetlife.com/users/349846
 http://twitter.com/#!/Asriksrava

Environmentalism and Game Theory resources mentioned:
Ishmael by Daniel Quinn : http://astore.amazon.com/pass-20/detail/0553375407
Cradle to Cradle by Michael Braungart : http://astore.amazon.com/pass-20/detail/0865475873
The Ecology of Commerce by Paul Hawken : http://astore.amazon.com/pass-20/detail/0061252794
Worldchanging by Alex Steffan : http://astore.amazon.com/pass-20/detail/0810997460
Worldchanging website : http://worldchanging.com/
Finite and Infinite Games by James P. Carse : http://astore.amazon.com/pass-20/detail/0345341848

Sacred/kink books mentioned:
Radical Ecstacy by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy : http://astore.amazon.com/pass-20/detail/189015962X
Sacred Kink by Lee Harrington : http://astore.amazon.com/pass-20/detail/055721176X
Spirit of Desire edited by Lee Harrington : http://astore.amazon.com/pass-20/detail/0557992419
Dark Moon Rising by Raven Kaldera : http://astore.amazon.com/pass-20/detail/1847288928
Sacred Pain by Ariel Glucklich : http://astore.amazon.com/pass-20/detail/0195169433
Spirit + Flesh by Fakir Musafar : http://astore.amazon.com/pass-20/detail/189204157X
Lee’s Sacred Kink Books Collection http://astore.amazon.com/pass-20?_encoding=UTF8&node=11

Events mentioned:
Dark Odyssey, DC/Maryland : http://www.darkodyssey.com/
AIS, Ohio : http://adventuresinsexuality.com/
Twisted Tryst, Indiana/Wisconsin : http://www.twistedtryst.com/
Circles of Kink, Ft. Meyers, FL : http://www.circlesofkink.com/
Sacred Pleasures, London : http://sacredpleasures.co.uk/
Sacred Sex Roundup, NYC : http://www.sacredsexroundup.com/

Movies mentioned:
Scenes of a Sexual Nature : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0475380/
The Brothers Bloom : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0844286/
(not mentioned by Asrik wished he had in an environmentalist context) Princess Mononoke : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119698/

Fetlife groups mentioned:
Hard polytheism – https://fetlife.com/groups/13864
Sacred Pain – https://fetlife.com/groups/20261
Spirituality & BDSM – https://fetlife.com/groups/388
BDSM and Spirituality: The Spiritual Side of Leather. – https://fetlife.com/groups/1029

What is Poi (pronounced Poy) :

Lee Harrington contact information:
http://www.PassionAndSoul.com
 http://www.FetLife.com/passionandsoul
 http://twitter.com/#!/PassionAndSoul

“I want to write to write.”

Posted: 17th October 2011 by Lee Harrington in Journal
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In the United States, I have a close friend named Jim Forest. When I first met him eight years ago, he was working with the Catholic Peace Fellowship. Last winter, Jim came to visit. I usually wash the dishes after we’ve finished the evening meal, before sitting down an d drinking tea with everyone also. One night, Jim asked if he might do the dishes. I said, “Go ahead, but if you wash the dishes you must know the way to wash them.” Jim replied, “Come on, you think I don’t know how to wash the dishes?” I answered, “There are two ways to wash the dishes. The first is to wash the dishes in order to have clean dishes and the second is to wash the dishes in order to wash the dishes.” Jim was delighted and said, “I choose the second way — to wash the dishes to wash the dishes.” From then on, Jim knew how to wash the dishes. I transferred the “responsibility” to him for an entire week.
- Venerable Master Thich Nhat Hanh, from “The Miracle of Mindfulness”

Today, a shortened version of this tale came across my mind, a gift as my partner read to me from “Wide Awake: A Buddhist Guide for Teens” by Diana Winston.  This book was purchased because last weekend on retreat at the Brooklyn Zen Center, it was recommended to him by the teacher he had met with.  We have been discussing Buddhism a fair amount, because he used to be a lay monk, but has been out of practice.  We are building a space for him to sit in meditation, and him going to the silent retreat was a chance to re-immerse himself in a part of his spiritual practice that has profound meaning to him.

I have come to refer to Wide Awake as the Buddha Book.  I have always fascinated by Buddhism, and especially through my friend JD, I have come to find profound appreciations for a number of the teachings.  But much of Buddhist teachings have felt out of reach for me due to the denseness of the language, and the wide variety of approaches to what Buddhism looks like that seem sometimes at odds with each other.  But he is reading the book to me, just as I am reading Phantom Tollbooth to him.  We tried to do Palimpsest, but yeah, that’s a hard one to follow as a bedtime book read sporadically.  And as he reads, we pause, we process, he thinks, I think, we talk about what came up for each of us.  I am diving into his mind and his spirit, and in turn he asks me questions, I face demons of my own heart, and more.

Today, the comment of “wash the dishes in order to wash the dishes” came up, I was stunned.  And then, before any true thoughts came to my mind, my mouth spoke.

“I want to write to write.”

We had been having a very heart-wrenching conversation about how my writing under deadlines, and just for the purpose of “will it sell” had been hurting.  How I have doctors who want me to do some pretty intense care plans, which may affect my capacity to go out of town for more than a few days at a time.  I have been in a panic state at times over fear of being unable to pay bills again – how can I commit to conferences for 2012 if I am unsure if I can fly cross-country before the con begins, and back afterwards?

He kept encouraging me to be here, now.  To live in the moment.  How can I live in the moment, I argued, in a career where I must plan my reality 4-8 months in advance, or have no work available to me?  Being a keynote speaker, headline presenter, etc… we are the first booked most of the time for events so that producers can use our names to advertise.  I respect and appreciate this, but when I’m not supposed to leave town for more than a few days at a time- I keep finding myself paralyzed.  I have said yes to a few conferences for next year, and even in those, I have fear.  I do not want to live from a place of fear, but so often as of late that is the word that comes out of my lips.  Fear of loss.  Fear of inability.  Fear of pain.  Fear.

My fear has kept me from writing.  In my journal, on my writing projects.  I have to pause from panic as I look at deadlines.  The book I am co-authoring was due to the publishers in September.  We are nowhere near done.  December is our earliest hopeful date at this point.  I feel blessed that the publishers have not dropped the project. But this thing, this fear.  I have been writing to share stories I feel *should* be shared.  I have been writing messages to communicate what *needs* to get out there.  I have been writing for a paycheck.  I have been writing for fear of feeling inaccessible to my friends or world at large.

I have over 1500 emails in my inbox.  Those are not spam.  Those are people who I want to respond to.

I have 4 books partially written.

I have 21 subject notes for blog posts I want to write.

I have 170 lines of overarching concepts of projects I want to do on my to do list.

I…

If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as they were a nuisance, then we are not “washing the dishes to wash the dishes.” What’s more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can’t wash the dishes , the chances are we won’t be able to drink our tea either. While of other thing, barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus, we are sucked away into the future — and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life.

I pause.  I breathe.  If while writing, I think only of the outcome that comes from the writing, thus hurrying to get the project done as if it was a nuisance, then I am not “writing to write.”  What’s more, I am not alive during the time I am writing.

I freeze.

I stare.

I am not alive during the time I am writing.

Tears fall.

*

I have spent so much of my life attempting to live up to the expectations, needs, wants and desires of others.  I stare at myself and feel lost.  If in the thing I proclaim to have such passion in, I am not even there- where am I within my own statements of truth.  I espouse to the world that a life without passion and soul is not one I care to see.  And yet, in this thing I claim to have such passion for, I am not even present in.  I adore food, and yet, I cram another wedge of orange in my mouth without ever tasting it.  I say I love you empty…

and then stop myself.

Over dinner I say I love you, and stop.

“What I meant to say was thank you for being vulnerable and open with me, it makes me feel safer to show you more of my heart, and I feel very special in it.  That is what I meant in that moment by I love you.”

He stares at me for a moment, then smiles, and says thank you.

*

It is easy in our society to replace the depths of our heart with brevity.  In a world where psychotherapy sessions are strapped down to 50 minutes, where classes are timed, where our work is set by hours on a clock rather than what needs done in a day- it is to be expected.  I find myself in a world where we have more technology, and less time to do what we want.  Where I know more people, and have less time for them.

We shorten down hello to “howsitgoing” at 30 miles an hour.

If I gave the eyes locked, deep breath, shoulders rise, fall, smile, hello I long to give- where is the time to say hello to everyone else on my facebook friends list?  This is what my spirit longs for, to give fully and freely to every spirit on this planet.  I want to let each person I meet know how much I see in them.  That yes, you, you before me- you are AMAZING!  You light up before me, and I delight in the fullness of you.

And yet, if I do so, what is left?

I stand empty, hungry of heart.  Which I know, is a lie.  I stand in the mirror with my eyes empty for myself.  But with one other set of eyes, I see in them the love that I am.

I pause, breathe, look in the mirror.  LOVE.  This is why it is there.  LOVE.

“God is love,” I said weakly, and the moon flickered through black branches.  I believed then that it was so.
“When you say that, and I say that,” said Qaspiel, I do not think we mean the same thing.  You mean it only as a metaphor.”
I brooded on that, and the angel walked beside me, the hematite in its hair like black tears.
-Catherynne M. Valente, from “The Habitation of the Blessed: A Dirge for Prester John Volume 1″

If I am love, for I am, I know this as a core truth of my heart, soul and body, then I know the knowledge that is love in my pores.  This is love, this breath, this moment.  This is love, this moment.

And by loving myself, I know that you too, you, there YOU – you can go look in your own mirror, and know you too are AMAZING!  My eyes are not the only mirror.

I breathe.  Tears fall.  Love.  Smiles, beauty, truth.

I step away from the computer.

Learning again, full of love, having written to write.

Letting Go Of Judgment

Posted: 13th October 2011 by Lee Harrington in Journal
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I was writing today… such a simple thing hit me full force in my body, aching and quaking in my skin.

What I wrote:

If we go into judgemental behavior, think “huh, that was judgmental” rather than “I am such an ass for being judgmental.”  The first is an action, the second is an identity.  The first is what happened, the second is a story about it.

I added the lines after I paused, and realized what I had just written.

How often have I said “I am stupid,” “I am afraid,” “I am…”

I am not these things.  They are not my identity.  I am someone who has done stupid things, has felt afraid, has felt and done a thousand things.  But these are actions and experiences.  They are not who I am.

I am a beautiful being.  I am a piece of universal light.  I am a fragment of divinity, and in being so, am divine in my own right.  I breathe in, and release.

If emotions are a controlling part of our lives, we must become aware of them.

Aware.  Mindful.  Conscious.  Cognizant.  Informed.

This is in contrast to being oblivious.  But even this is more easily forgivable to my heart than purposefully turning away, hiding in shame of my own emotions.  “I should not have felt that way,” my heart says.  ” I should not have acted that way,” my mind says.  And then my spirit pipes up, tries to cast a different light… and in doing so is pushed down.  Buried under shoulds.  Buried it sinks in, shinks small.  Shrinks in, until the light is buried under the weight of the world and these shoulds.

I turn to my heart, and ask it to acknowledge that it was how I felt.

I turn to my mind, and ask it to acknowledge that it was how I acted.

I can not change these things.  They were what they were.  But I can move towards a better, brighter tomorrow… and more actively, I can try to be here.  Now.

I forgive myself in this, as I endeavor to be here.  Be here, now.

This is not a skill I have been the best at through time.  I, the time traveler.  I the being who has prided himself at being able to put emotions in perfect tupperware, an episode of Eerie Indiana playing out in my heart.  I open the seal years later, there it is, my love for you glowing with the same vibrancy.  But in this gift a challenge wrapped in a bow- that if I can move back to then so easily, how do I stay here in the now?  If I can go into when then will be, how do I stay here in the now?

How do I two-foot, as I have between this world and the realm of spirit?  How does that skill apply to this, here, now.  For look, the skills are not buried under a stack of books or under the lore of ancients in their towers.  We, every one of us, knows how to do this.  And yet, such simplicity feels elusive.

Be.
Here.
Now.

Such simple words, complex in the dance of the king of flying butterflies and the queen of breath.  I am neither, both.  I am a dream and a possibility, and yet, I am here, becoming myself.

Trying, acting, doing.

Letting go of judgment.

Masters and Slaves Together NYC Notes

Posted: 4th October 2011 by Lee Harrington in Journal
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On Sunday, October 2nd, I attended Masters and Slaves Together, NYC Metro:

http://www.mastmetrony.org/

They are a chapter of Masters and slaves Together International (I really do dislike the lower case of Slaves, I always capitalize all positions in my writing, or none.)

At the end of the meeting, they mentioned that the Secretary was not present, and thus there would be no minutes posted.

I offered to post my many pages of notes online for them to use and reduce down to minutes if so desired.

Thus, instead of only posting my notes to their list, I have decided to post them on here.  I have 7 moleskin books full of notes from sexuality, teaching skills and spirituality classes and speeches I have attended over the years.  I began the practice of using these specific notebooks on my way to Berlin and London in 2006.  A few months later I began systematically noting at the top of each set of notes what the class/speech was, who taught it, and when/where it was.  I cross-reference these notes when I write, as well as my folders/filing cabinet of notes/handouts/resources, plus my library of books on these topics, when writing… that way I can try my best not to mis-quote- a bad habit of mine I’ve had on and off.

So, enjoy!

Click each file to enlarge.  Notes (c) PassionAndSoul.com, but copy left’d for your use :)

             

Occupy Wallstreet Demands?

Posted: 4th October 2011 by Lee Harrington in Journal
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Currently, there are thousands of people amassed downtown in New York, as part of the Occupy Wallstreet movement/protest.  All over the country, supporting marches/protests/movements have erupted- from Boston to Los Angeles, San Francisco to Indiana, Maine to Florida.  It has moved international with events happening in London, Prague, Cork, and even in Slovenia.

Hundreds of people have been arrested, if not thousands at this point. I am moved by the visibility to issues of bank reform, financial desperation of the people, and anti-big-government bailouts/tax breaks being brought to the attention of the world.

However, I am concerned.  I am concerned because from what I have found so far, there is no *point* to this movement.

Don’t get me wrong- visibility is important.  But it’s visible now… and now what?

On the NYC General Assembly for the #OccupyWallStreet movement, there is a statement that:

Through a direct democratic process, we have come together as individuals and crafted these principles of solidarity, which are points of unity that include but are not limited to:

  • Engaging in direct and transparent participatory democracy;
  • Exercising personal and collective responsibility;
  • Recognizing individuals’ inherent privilege and the influence it has on all interactions;
  • Empowering one another against all forms of oppression;
  • Redefining how labor is valued;
  • The sanctity of individual privacy;
  • The belief that education is human right; and
  • Endeavoring to practice and support wide application of open source.

We are daring to imagine a new socio-political and economic alternative that offers greater possibility of equality.  We are consolidating the other proposed principles of solidarity, after which demands will follow.

Is it just me, or is this really, well, vague?  I feel my concerns are best summed up by “Tannubyky”:

…To “stand together to say we are tired of the greed and corruption” isn’t enough. This is supposed to be a NVDA protest. Non-violent Direct Action… Where is the action? It’s not easy to find for those who aren’t already involved. However, if you delve into it, watch the livestreams talk to the people involved do some research into the 1% and democracy, capitalism, tax allocations etc. etc. it soon becomes apparent that we do need to come together to solve this problem. THAT is what this is about…

Yes!  So what is the action?  What are the demands?  What is the point?

I would be DELIGHTED if O could see some actual proposals on the table.  Reform… okay, in what form?  To re-form, we must, well, form back into something, right?

Some banks themselves have called for bank reform ideas, such as the IBC in Scotland.  Back in JANUARY of 2010, Obama asked to seek reforms of the system, but there has been little movement- in many cases from what I have heard due to, well, no fresh ideas on the board.  I recall in March, listening to NPR (can’t find link, anyone?) when they interviewed the team trying to create a new oversight committee to oversee the banking system.  The lead of the team was deeply frustrated, because when they put the call out looking for members of said oversight committee, or proposals of names of who could be on it, the only names that came up were, get this, members of boards of directors for the major banks in the US.  The team lead was so frustrated- no one else seemed to want the job.

If the proposal is complete reform of the currency system and moving from big government to local government, such as moving to the alternative currencies already at play in the USA, its an interesting idea.  If the proposal is that we give the money currently being given in tax breaks to multi-nationals to the average person, its an interesting idea as well.  If the goal is to create an anarchist state free of any form of government or financial systems whatsoever… I have serious concerns.  I flash back to a lover of mine who had a sticker on his car during the 2004 elections that said “Bush in 2004, because the fall of the system is not coming fast enough” or some such thing.

I am not an anarchist.  I see major flaws in the US system of government and financial oversight.  I see major flaws in the corporate bodies that fill the skyline at Times Square and the NY Stock Exchange… but I want to see ideas.  Proposals.  Movements with a point.

Where are they?

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